I should get a blog because this site is for poems and stories that I don't write much of lately.

People do not read anymore and you wonder why our lack of awareness leads us down the road we are heading.

    I wrote this after a few months of a lot of pondering and watching two documentaries basically paralelling the two extremes of our world.  The one documentary was Jesus Camp and the other was God grew tired of us.  The latter one I found very inspirational while the first one was more of disecting truth from both sides of the opposing views throughout. So I pondered I.  "I" has many negative connotations adherent to it when we think of Selfishness.  When I use I, I use it to identify the individual that I am in my soul.  That thing that separates me from everyone else.  I use it in a humble form.  My I, is me trying to lower myself to a position to be able to portray a message without getting arrogant or sure of myself in the negative context.   This writing is short but at the same time it is a snapshot of a vulnerable moment during dark hours that shows that I really do question and try and understand.  I have struggled so hard with the bible.  Main reason is I don't see things in scripture, "new revelations" if you want to call them that, that make sense to me.  I used to feel like it was an arrogant group that gave off an air of supremecy over the lowly laymen.  But lately I have learned to separate what I feel with just trying to discover truth with humility.  My conclusion has been there is to much reading between the lines for me to accept a lot of thoughts.  I will accept the key things Christ taught that will spread his love and his salvation and not mine.  But to me I was a usless and lazy person when I waited for God to do everything.  So now life is going to be about learning balance.  Not to be a part of this "world" but not to separate myself from it.   World meaning ungodly mindsets.  I just ask people this.  Learn to listen.  Listening involves thinking and it's part of a lost artform called communication.  Anyways this writing has errors but this is a literal unedited snapshot of how I was thinking. 

 

        Shameless plug here for the CBC.  I am not a tree hugger but if your from alberta you should really look into how destructive our economy is, to me its disgusting.  The earth is worth treating with respect because if you use the thought that I am only here for so long than why should we take care of our bodies that are only temporary.

 

 

 

 

 

       I do not sleep much,  I wonder sometimes whether I actually sleep when I am supposed to be asleep because my mind always wants to think even when I want to shut it off.   I learned to deal with it by consuming as much information as I can when I should be sleeping.  So tonight I am not tired again and listened to some music thought about life and made some new goals.  Pretty much the same thing I do every night.  Probably the reason I love shoegazer music so much.  It just takes you into a world where your mind wants to create whatever is possible and many times it leads my fingers to the fretboard of my guitar to whisper notes into the dark.  Those whispers would seem uninteresting to many because they were not formulated how we have been conditioned to accept music but it brings me joy.  I have heard people say there is no night in heaven.  That makes me sad.  I find the night beautiful, especially when stars are clear beneath trees that have never seen the concrete of a highrise building.  Sitting beneath those trees the slow conversations of the water and rocks in the stream down the hill press into my ear and I am led into a world that lets my ears see what my eyes could not during the light of the sun.  I think of how many individuals roam the earth chasing a paper note while I sit under a starlit sky finding beauty that was before my worlds decline.  Fading into this place can be an escape, although othertimes it is where life turns a different way and I begin walking a path to dreams unfulfilled.  I will think of verses in a bible and poems from a book,  hum lyrics of a song and lace my mind with spiritual fruit.  Does it matter though?

 

     Have you ever listened to someone?  Are you suprised to find out a secret about a person, does it draw you closer to who they are?  Or does it draw you away?   Kisses don't have to be the only thing that gives you the image of sweet closeness that many long for in another's embrace.  Words can be sweetness glazed upon night's air to tingle the drums of your ears slowly with gentle taps that reverberate like a child's soft grip in a mothers hand.  If words have the power of life and death, than between two people genuine words spoken must be more beautiful than a garden in spring.  Maybe that's just my dream though.  To some a foolish thought, to others a philisophical dreamer lost.  You may not understand me then when I lay under night skies.  Imagine the garden of gesthemene and roll over on my side.  I have trouble sleeping but maybe I would not have on that night.  I conjure in my mind the picture of tears and think how beautiful the night is to release and to prepare.  But nightime must be evil if heaven is going to get rid of it.  I don't understand everything yet sometimes I attempt to, trying as hard as I can to make sense of it.  I open up the book in front of me and read the red type bold face text.  The words of a Son of God, the words of a humble man building tables and a bench.  I read of his exploits and turn back over from off my side, I peer glossy-eyed up to the universe and wonder if I am missing something written between the lines.  I do not have a degree in modern theology so maybe my intellect is below sub-par because the picture of the Christ I read about does not seem like the one I hear many proclaim of.  So I turn from the parables and try and read a little more of Paul, am I supposed to be searching for some new revelation or am I supposed to be heeding the teachings that sin has been destructive since the fall.  That my salvation has a name and that I work towards it with fear and trembling. It's not a drive through double combo with arrogant pride on the side you all of a sudden have in a flash of time.  I wonder if I am losing track?

 

    I pause and wonder for a moment does that last thought warrant a pause.  Maybe so, so I start another one.  Maybe it's more to continue than it is to start but I am losing faith in lost arts.  No one really listens though, you can see it in their eyes.  How often they grow despondant how often they pretend to comply.  You can't blame them we have all done it at times and the Christ I read about experienced it many a time.  I return now to my main train of thought and wonder again, why?   Why do we build up sects and drum to our prestige when history shows the mistakes happening over and over again in lies.  We sit on our arrogant pews and spew "Repent or go to hell" while we partake in the witches brew that I guess in turn could damn our souls as well.  Not all sin comes dark and ugly as so many like to portray.  My bible I read told me satan is like a wolf who resembles a sheep white as snow on a winter's day.  So maybe it's also the spiritual pride, arrogance, judgement and all those things that we feel are right when feelings of the flesh mask as something from on high.  Do I write this to slander my fellow human beings that have faith along side me?  No I write it because I realize how all of us have been there at times and that the ignorant are the only ones who stay locked within those lines.  You see I am writing what I have always felt.  That our own greed taught us to preach and listen to teachings that never really seemed to fit to well with the Christ.  More often than not he tells to give your money to help the poor, widow and orphan rather than build a building to seat a thousand more full of boredom.  To feed the desperate mother working 3 jobs to feed the mouths of her kids instead of letting it sit in the coffers of our wealthy buildings and fridges.  I am not trying to create a new way of thinking to usher in any dawn of a new beginning.  It's just when I would sit alone and read the bible at the foot of what I was told was God's throne, I didn't understand where ideas flowed.  There was never a concern about wealth or material posessions to his lord.  I admit i love that shite at times but my love for it does not make me try and bend the truth so I feel alright.  The churches I read about in this book, I stopped opening for almost 2 years, paints a picture of something far from what I see and hear.  But then again maybe I am wrong?

 

   I am an apologetic writer and my stance I hope is what it seems.  I write because it was gifted to me I write because words are important to me.  I struggle and I say this for what I know is my truth, I struggle with how through the ages I see those who follow the Christ fall into the same pattern over and over again in tune.  Then again it's happened in my own life or that's what it seemed but I was not going in circles. It was more a spiral that every revolution of 360 degrees my life would raise up another notch to allow me to see the errors I had walked unseen.   So maybe it's the same with us as a whole, that mistakes is what allows us to really understand who God is to really understand the tolls.  I am not here to judge so I will use my own life as an example of lack of love.  All the times of falling on my face, all the times of prophesying in his name.  What use was it if all it does is give us a name?  What good is yelling and screaming at the top of your lungs or singing songs of love while we enter the "world" like it's a horrible place and our focus on bringing change actually caused us to become useless, our "holy war" vain.   Tell all the stories you want because some of them get blown up out of proportion like a game of telephone in an elementary school classroom.  Stories are good don't get me wrong but you can only hold on so long to they did this or that to make up for everything you lack.  I feel like I am evading the point.  Wait a minute I have become my own joke.  Love is what it was all about to begin with better not lose hope.  The question is what is love?  If a person doesn't know what love is than how do they know that what they think they are experiencing.  Love is somewhere and it runs deeper than our greatest shows on earth.  I do feel disturbed sometimes friends. Because I am with you but I am also worried that we took it to far and lost sight of who we really are.  You will know them by their fruit.  I thought it was love so am I missing the cue.  Something does not feel right in here,  something went aloof.

 

Speech will not show the world who you are, it will be your actions.

Reviews

[Ryan David Seymour]

So many mistakes. I think I will have to re-edit this when I am not so tired. No more strength to correct it after reading it again. right write there thier. The common tired mistakes.