FLOAT OUT Volume 2: Under the Influence

Some verses written under the influence in Edinburgh

Haywire in Haymarket

When there's love in Leith

Just waiting to be found

I'm a tourist everywhere especially in my own mind

Where there are lost images and sounds

I can never reach and certainly not keep 

They'll never be mine

Drunk in Dalry

Lost in the Links

it's naturally all the same

The dark edges of a consumer's game

I'm wandering between words

Searching for a sound I already found

Long ago then I lost it

I can't keep it because I forget my name

One day they'll sing their song and we'll all sing along

I won't be there I'll be wandering around that day

The docks provide no solace

The factory is closed today

Where is the tour guide?

I'm lost and I can't find the last place I checked for my mind

#040918

Look behind the mirror

Peel the film from the eyes

Hear the voice the voice you always hear

I'll speak to myself thanks

Twenty years to realise

'Til every leaf you gave me withered

A curse for certain

The calling of the curtain

I will hear my own voice

I will hear what I have to say

You will leave me, I'll replace the glass

Every voice I ever heard was the same one

Everything changed that day

Every day since accompanied by the noise

Screaming cerebral toothache shouts

So much time under this cloud

Poor little guy never saw it coming

No life for you my little friend

I will revisit this day one day

When I come back from around the mirror bend

Unfinised Pity-me's & other 'tiny voices' 

(Marion)

I heard a laugh that could have been yours

Although you belong to that other world

That chewed me up and spat me out

As the flag was unfurled

At the end of world party

We almost confessed our misery

was misplaced and that we'd longed for each other

In tears of disgrace

(Underdark)

The clouds descended and it was fine

A glimpse too far into the underdark

So grim and horrifying

Heed the warnings

Before a mental blindness sets in 

Before it envelopes you

A river of sorrowful wine

On the fringes spying on humanity

The black fabrics and walls

All melts in 

'Jakey b******s flocking together to come to terms with Alcoholism in an unreasonably cheerful way'

I need to find a better escape

Putting a lot of faith in books

Pretty flimpsy

Better than my alcoholic 'lifestyle'

Drinking with the dying and cavorting with crooks

"I'll give up in a while"

"It's really not how it looks!"

Aye it is ya jake 

Some droning on about what passes for love and some truly awful lines and rhymes trying to chart another doomed love affair. (I wanted to define you) 

The shade would rarely get in. 

Born Sleepy (A Song for Leila)

Float away, this haze is heaven

Lazy as you like, float away

Into the night, into the morning

Please float away, with me and without me lover

Daydream lover

For surely you can't be there

In half-sleep and in flesh

Don't say "every boy's fantasy"

Don't say "I wish I knew you when I was younger"

Don't say "I love you"

Unspoken, unwritten rules that nobody knows

Written by whom? Not our daydream

We can be anywhere we want, anytime

But only in these times

Steal all my Mondays, make them happy

Make it clear, "define me in verse!"

You'd never want that, while you sleep

Sleep, we have another hour

Float away but only gently

Smother me and take me somewhere else

Smother me and change my whole outlook

Hold on, I can navigate this

Exasperated, don't drift away

Stay warm, stay sleepy

Don't let good morning (which we never said)

Turn into good night

We never meant for this

Don't tell her you'll write her a message

In the stars, with stars

It's been done

Change channel 

Let's go back to our daydreams

There was never any other way

"Glad you liked it"

Float out on kisses

Stay sleepy, float away

I'll define you somehow  

'Maths in Psychology (Visit Life Sometime)'

I could wish I hadn't spent my life dreaming up a new one

I could wish that being terrified wasn't my main motivation

I could wish I hadn't wasted my youth in a cult

I  do wish that she never had to bear the pain of separation

Yet here we are and here I am

I could wish that I had any say in my own life

I could wish that I was just once able to make you proud

I could wish that you met someone else and had a different son

I was too busy running from an ever blackening psychotic cloud

To notice where I was going

I could wish that I found it easy to get along with living

That my mind wasn't constantly preparing for an air raid

From inside of it's own chambers

Wading through the dust and ashes that were of stupid dreams made

It's easier to set the bomb off myself

I could wish that I was a part of something

I wish this cackling cacophony would f*****g stop

I wish that I didn't have these cursed genes

That there was another way to let them rot

That there was another way to anywhere

All in all a pointless life has been led 

The wind chasing me out of another town

"Sorry son but your dreams are all dead

Because you wouldn't put the bottle down"

This f*****g voice follows me everywhere

I can only block him out with the elixir of misery

Then the world really starts to burn

Because I never could envisage me

Not ending up in this cheap little urn

Discarded and forgotten by everyone

I could wish for absolutely anything, a hallelujah in the storm

Perhaps I'll let the sky fall at the world's end

And keep trudging, hoping, marching, walking on and on

Picking at my flesh until the time is spent

"It doesn't have to be this way" you say

"None of this is an accident" you tell me

I've been drunk for so f*****g long

That I didn't notice you trying to help me

I don't deserve it I only deserve to die

I don't have one shred of contentment or confidence

And that's what you're trying to sell me?

"Yes, and it's my job. I'm not a character in a dream or a story..

I'm not an illusion that will go away soon, 

Put the bottle down and step out of the trench you've made

Stop trying to pick cherries from the moon

I can't give you back the last two decades

I can't make you a promise 

I can only pull back the curtain and lift the veil

Of contempt you have lived behind

I'm not offering you a hallelujah or salvation

I can't get the clouds to stop

You can stop wishing now, I'm very good at my job

Try this new life and remember that everything you thought

Was both wrong and right in it's own way

You don't have to understand how I solved the equation

You'll always be prone to your sadness and ruminations

Sometimes that voice might return

Don't set the world to burn when it does

Just remember there's maths in psychology

and there's no such thing as 'all of me'"

Ferme la porte, turn it off

The wind blows wherever it goes

Come out of the shadows

Visit life sometime