FLOAT OUT Volume 1: Dead Dreams: The Dundee Collection

Selected verses from my time in Dundee (part II)

"Put all your dreams in the hands of one person, then watch them die as everyone laughs

This is how it feels to really lose the plot.. and sometimes we don't even work in paragraphs

So we just float out as we think of how to get to Paris.

The unraveling of a mind

'#1702

Paint dreams bleed music don't listen to your head your dreams may not all happen but some of them might

Only love can feel like this only love can ever hurt like this but I don't know what love is

After all it's just a kiss it could never last a thousand years except in my head and that's where it all happens

The demon grabs me and his hollow charms shout endlessly into the night

I scream and I gnaw and I fall down and I collapse under the weight of my own mind

My baby's gone my baby's gone they took her away from me and it's killing me inside

The echoes and the whispers I know none of them are true - is this reality? 

Did any of this ever happen outside of my numbness and my loneliness?

What is it your trying to hide? 

We have to go back we have to go back there is no going back

All the advice was terrible, all the stories end this way

My baby's gone

It's so dark it's so quiet drives me round the bend my baby's gone my baby's gone...'

A Snapshot of an Unimportant History

A snapshot of history 

fueled by drugs and booze and booze and no small amounts of lust

THAT KISS he would never forget, the greatest night of his life

Wasn't it just

The glowing moon in the water

illuminated you

a snapshot I see always

This was the summer moon I heard of in years to pass

NEON LOVERS NEVER LAST

it churns my stomach still

a snapshot of the first and last and only time we ever parted ways 

Orchestra on the way to the Skye

"There must be something else"

How I would love so dearly to drift away

to that great concert in the sky

To belong to the world that I should have found

To walk among that sound

Something keeps me down here

That world so far away from I

Yet somehow tantalisingly near

Faces I long to recognise 

though cannot see from where I stand

That world in the skies, a distant mystery

Mortal emptiness in my hands

I can hear that faint orchestra

I can see and old shadow

Yet down here I must see out time

So slowly.. so slow 

#161802 

And the lost boy looked over a disused motorway only to find it fully functional 

As the buzzards gathered and the judges gavel fell 

Condemning him to a life of loneliness

They all laughed for they were never to know his pain

That laughter will accompany him to the grave tonight

After this everything was so black and reality so brutal there was really no choice but to go back the way into a time where there was some sunshine but even that was tinged with such sadness so he surrounded himself with imaginary friends like singers as he found a book the only book that he would manage to savour and ration and then he found a friend and then another but the sky would fall again and the screaming became different though louder and music was starting to sound like shite and he could only dream of death rather than what was to come in a remarkable series of moments.. 

Imagining Her As My Friend

(another one for Amy)

You could have come around 

You could have played your new tunes

I would have understood (you)

Now you only exist in your sound

You told me love was a losing game

I would have understood (this)

Now the words are all that remain

I dreamt of meeting you (one day)

To have you in my room

I'll never meet you now

I wonder if I too am doomed

To live alone the way you did

A possession of others' expectations

Lost in the dark and impossible to relate to

Impervious to joy and other peoples' congratulations

Preoccupied with fantasy

What could never be

Dreading the moment the sun goes down

An ache so fragile and ready to break

The days just string together they mean nothing

You could have come around (but)

You never did

You never will

Get lyrical! 

C Am Am7 

Me and Diego we live on the edge

He's a man of war he fights his pitch battles

I fight mine in my head

Me and Suzanne long to live with gypsies

She's in tune with life I've lost my rhythm

We live in very different cities

Me and Captain Steve came close to our dreams

Saw them slip away never to return

It kills us every moment in between

Me and Patti we once had a friend

Who took us to a new world down a rabbit hole

Broken hearts never truly mend

The fighter, the woman, the childhood dreamer

All taught me the very same lesson

Broken hearts never truly mend

#160030

Portraits, close-ups, a pot of tea

The aching gut punch of a memory

They took her from me, away from me

Obsessions old and new

Rushing to the shop for a bottle of glue

I never was true, never was true

She holds her jacket, a cigarette and opens the door

To a brave new world captured in photographs

My struggles are no-one else's they are only mine

Still the shade of blue that I adore

Seasons, sharp winds, sands of time, sometimes things change 

I hear the names of Kimberley, Gloria and Kurt Cobain

An itch, a shake, a scratch, an ache 

Joey Ramone and the brothers of sedation

Watching the clock and the hour of creation

As I long for you I'll do well to remember

That memories lie, memories lie too 

Joe Pantoliano

...is creeping around my dreams

Selling meth heads a sunbeam

I think he's got some very bad news

But what do I know?

Joe Pantoliano

...is hiding in my room

Telling me all my sins with a menacing grin

He's the harbinger of doom

And this isn't a TV show

Joe Joe friend or foe

Joe Joe Pantoliano 

There's reason you're here Joe, I want to know

Joe Pantoliano 

...isn't here anymore, at my door

Or in my mind where maybe he belongs

No warning sign, he's just gone

He'll come back when the time is right

To stalk me again

In the night

Joe Joe where did you go?

Did you unlock all the secrets of this dimension?

Joe Joe I want to know

Funny Little Nightmares 

Funny little nightmares all around

Skin is falling off, there's people in the ground

They rot away never to be found

Funny little nightmares shaped by regret

Eleven years old obsessed with death

Soaked in amyl nitrate are my cigarettes

Funny little nightmares blazing fire

Once got high, never got higher

I wear clothes made of barbed wire

I always remember when I first knew

That nightmares are real, they always come true

Happiness - an elusive delusion

I willingly begged for my natural execution

For I could never escape the nightmare

It took me away and never let go

I long for the day when the nightmare is over

When I can escape this horror show 

A Sign of things to Come? (Onto June...)

The guillotine was oh so close

I felt the sheen of that razor blade

Someone very nearly put the lights out... 

I do not have the descriptions of these words. 

SALVATION. HOPE. 

The song sung blue, in battle, song of war, song of peace

Sung on the beaches, sung at the grave

The culmination of something not quite a dream

I'd seen the dream and lived it a while

This was something else

Contentment.

Were you the one, was it you?

It doesn't matter now

The names and faces of people and places

The list goes on and on...

Takes these jewels and bang on this drum

All yesterday's parties happened without you

Yet the impossible really came true

A sign of things to come? 

An algorithm has broken the rhythm of the system. 

"We all have our secret worlds, we are all endlessly dreaming

Nightmares start here with a voice that masquerades as truth

The glory days and rapture have come and gone, they are long over

I no longer recognise myself in those lost dreams of my youth"

Fin