Catholic Custard

hope I didn't write it to sorious

I don’t know why I’m doing this. It’s not like anyone is actually going to see this. Yet I’m doing this anyways.

Well might as well start with an introduction. My name is Paul and this is a story about how I came to fear the words catholic custard.

It started about a week ago, I was walking with my friend Jack. Me and Jack were both self-proclaimed hipsters we tried to look the part. We made fun of all the other people and their main stream music. Looking back we were kind of jackasses.

As I was saying Jack and I were walking down the street talking about how stupid other people were, when I noticed a strange man hiding in the alley way.

I said, “Look at that guy. Probably thinks he’s so cool trying to look like Batman.”

“Ha ha ha” Jack laughed “Let’s go ask him what he’s doing.”

We started to walk over to him. He saw us coming and stared to run.

“Let’s go after him.” I said

“Why” said Jack

“Because it’ll be fun to make fun of him” I explained

We followed the man to empty warehouse. It was a big very large room. We decided to spit up and call each other when one of us finds him.

I was looking for the man when I saw what looked like a guy sleeping. He was just lying on the ground. I decided to poke him. Nothing happed so I stared to walk away but then I saw something leek out for his ear. I bent down to check it out. It was custard. It was then I realised that the man was not asleep, he was dead.

I ran away as fast as I could yelling. “Jack Jack where are you Jack.”

 By the time I made it out of the warehouse, Jack was already waiting for me.

He said, “Where were you man. I’ve been trying to call you.”

I told him about the dead body.

“Well we shouldn’t tell the police.” said Jack.

“Are you crazy?” I said. “Why not.”

“Because if we tell em we will probably be the prime suspects. Because we found the body.” he explained.

“Okay.” I said. “let’s go home.”

“We can find out who did it there.” Said Jack stoking his beard.

That night

“I think I found something.” Said Jack.

“What is it man.” I said.

“I found this site about all different types of vampires.”  He said. “I think this one fits the bill.”

I looked at the webpage. It said. “Tunkas a strange breed of vampires know for replacing their victims’ blood with custard.”

I said a bit of a chuckle in my voice. “Are you serious that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Jack said. “Think about it didn’t you see custard come out of that guy’s ear.”

I said. “I guess you’re right.”

“And can you think of a better explanation of how that got there.” He said.

“No but.” I replied.

“Then let’s go find that guy again and see if he’s a Tunka” he said.

“Okay.” I said knowing he would not let this go.

The next morning

We were walking down the same street as before, looking for that guy again. I was sure this guy was not a tunka and Jack was just being a nut case. The guy at worst saw the body to and might be able to tell us something about how it got there.

It took a few hours but we managed to find the guy again. He was just casually walking to some place.

Jack said. “Come on don’t let him get away”

We followed him to a catholic church.

I said “Come on man he just a guy going to church. I can’t believe you made me waste all this time when we could have told the cops.”

“Come on man can we at least look in the church.” He said

“Fine” I said

In the church

The Church was bigger than the warehouse. It had some nice stain glass. I also saw that the strange guy was at the pulpit. I guess he was the priest.  

He said in a very loud voice. “Welcome to the newest member of the family of the catholic custard Jack”

I said. “What I didn’t know you were joining a church Jack. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jack opened his mouth wide show large fangs, and started laughing.

I started to head to the door, fell a bit unnerved.

Jack put his hand on the door, saying “where ya going man.”

I said “Sorry but I’m not religious. So you know.”

I then started to feel a bit dizzy, and next thing I know I am knockout.

Sometime later

I woke up in my bed with a note that said “never follow the lord of the catholic custard”

I don’t know if that was just a cult of if they really were custard vampires. One thing is for sure that was either the stupidest part of my life or the scariest part of my life. Either way it was weird.