1: Discovery

    He ran through the streets of Hielem, trusting that his legs wouldn't fail him. He had to get to the port. The future of his people depended on it. He was a grey-eyed, dark haired young man whose desert-tanned skin had collected sweat and was dripping from the running he was doing. His name was Richter Rozencruz, and he was the youngest pilot in the Archangels, a group dedicated to bringing down the tyranny of the Riulin Empire. The package he had stolen from the Empire's research center was crucial to the rebels plans, or so he was told. It had been almost too easy to steal it. They never expected a nineteen-year old kid to be able to infiltrate a top military research facility. It was this pride and the reason for his actions that gave the boost needed to push on.

    The port was only a few blocks away an he could clearly make out the Origin. The Origin was a marvelous flagship that was easily a half a mile long and a quarter across. Its size boasted its power, which one could eaisly see it had with its many cannons and missile ports. That combined with the few hundred RAPTOR jets and a crew of about a thousand or so made the Origin a worthy adversary.

    Finally there he pulled out a VidComm from his pocket and contacted the ships gateman. The gateman obliged and he entered the ship. A rush of relief fell over him as he led his way up to the bridge. Once there he ran to the captain and saluted him.

     "Where have you been soldier?!" yelled the captain.

     "My apologies Admiral Rowan, sir" Richter replied. "I had a run-in with some Imperial soldiers. Please excuse my transgression, sir."

     The admiral grunted and waved him off. "Let's take off! Anyone else who's left behind is just that!!"

      As the ship took off Richter walked briskly to the labs on the lower decks. He walked down the hallway to the lab that had a sign on it that read "Technological Research." Sitting at a computer desk was a young man with short dirty-blonde hair and steel blue eyes. He looked up and smirked in such a way that it was all Richter could do to keep from laughing. The young man ran up to him and stared at him with anticipation.

     "Well?" He asked.

     Rich pulled out the parcel that he had stolen and handed it over to the man. "I went through hell to get it Brent so this plan of yours had better work."

     "Oh, please. Getting up in the morning is hell to you." Brent replied. "Besides, this is the key we've been looking for. With this we can create a new way to fight the Empire."

     "How do we do that? I still don't understand what that thing is or why it was so important that i had to miss dinner to get it."

      Brent just smiled and unwrapped the package. Inside was a small silver sphere with intricate designs etched into it. "It's supposedly an energy core that was used in the Great War of 2378. It's said that its technology was far more advanced than even anything we have today. I hope to reverse engineer that technology in order to help us further our own technological developments."

      "Is it really that advanced?" Richter asked while looking in awe at the small sphere. "I mean, it's like six hundred years old. How could it be more advanced than us? And if so how much more advanced is it?"

       "How far ahead?" He murmured. "Well i still need to analyze it, but on a guess I'd say its about a thousand years, maybe more." He took the sphere and put it in a safe. "now go get Marcy and tell her the news." At that Brent returned to his work, now with a look of great pleasure and anticipation welling inside of him.

 

        With that out of the way Richter decided to get something to eat before diving into a conversation with Marcy. As he walked toward the galley he wondered why, if it had been so important, that it didn't have more security surrounding it. It all seemed too easy, even despite the shock he gave them of his young age. They had to have known that someone would try to steal it. There still should have been more to it. Dwelling on these things made him worry that it was all just a hoax and his efforts were for naught, when he got tackled by a light skinned, blonde girl wearing a doctor's labcoat.

       "Ritchie!!!!!! I thought you were dead!!" She yelled. "When the admiral said you weren't on board I thought the worst. Especially with that suicide mission Brent sent you on."

       "Kara, calm down." He said while pushing her off of him. "I did the job and I'm fine"

       "Oh! Really?! Then why is your arm bleeding?!" She said pointing to a trail of blood dripping down his arm. "You're telling me that this gash is nothing?!?!?! Oh that's it mister, you're coming with me to get that treated."

       Without another word he was once dragged from the galley down to the medical labs. The trek down to the lower decks was pushing his body's limitations. He hadn't rested or eaten in three days and he had minor injuries from his mission. Yet he carried on knowing that if he stopped that Kara would overreact.

        The infirmary was more like a full-staffed hospital than a traditional ship's infirmary. Another distinguishing feature of the Origin. It was large with many rooms and stations. While walking by the rooms Richter saw a number of men being tended to. The Origin had just been stolen from the Empire and there were many injured in the effort to obtain it. In fact, the only reason Richter hadn't met much restistance on his return was because th rebels had taken it out.

      Kara sat him down on a bed and began to clean the wound area. After determining that it needed stitches she pulled out a stitching needle from a drawer in a nearby cabinet. She lightly sqeezed the end of it which then began to glow. As she sewed the skin shut the light formed a string that kept it shut. After she finished the string of light disappeared and the stitches blended in with his color.

      "I don't want to have to stitch you up again." Kara said with a look of concern. "You're too young to need stitches from war."

      "And you're too young to be a doctor," he replied. "Especially in war."

      "I'm sixteen!" She retorted. "Im a medical prodigy I'll have you know. I've been treating people since i was eight!"

      "Yet still too young," he said with a half smile. The both of them looked at each other and left it at that.

 

      Once Kara was sure that he was fit to go, Richter decided to get Marcy. To his surprise she was already in Brent's lab speaking with him. he walked in quietly and watched as Brent demonstrated a new invention of his. It was projected through a hologram from the computer he was using.

      "It's a new kind of nano-bot. I developed it myself." He said to her. Her Black eyes shone with wonder at the new gadget that he had produced. Her long black hair hung in a ponytail over her shoulder.

      "I designed it after the Thenian virus. Once injected into your  bloodstream it attacks your nervous system, completely shutting down bodily movement."

      "Like an anesthetic?" Marcy asked.

      "Kind of, but the way it works is that it shuts down your movement, but not your sensory receptors." He responded. "In other words, you cant move, but you can still feel everything around you."

       "Kinda creepy, don't you think?" Richter said. "I mean imagine being tortured and not being able to do anthing about it."

       "Well its purpose is to disable the enemy without killing them, but I guess you could use it that way, savage as it may be."

       "When did you get here Rick?" Marcy asked. "I thought you were still in the infirmary."

        "A couple of minutes ago." He answered. "Now, as for the sphere, what are we going to do with it if someone finds out we have it?"

         Brent gave a concerned look to Rick and took the sphere out of its safe. He examined it and returned it.

         "No one will know." He said. "No one knows it exists on this ship save the three of us and Kara. Therefore, I see no reason to worry."

          This did not sooth Rick's feelings at all, but he didn't show it. As Brent continued to show them more of the gadgets he had invented Richter realized that Brent was a year younger than him and had already proven himself to be an irreplaceable asset to their team. Being an eighteen-year old computer genius had gained him system-wide recognition when he hacked the Imperial military computer and erased all of the files that had anything to do with the Archangels. He even opted to go so far as to leave a digital memo telling them to "seriously update [their] security."

          This small moment of fun was disrupted as the admiral's voice rang over the PA system.

          "All able men report to the launch deck immediately! The home base is under attack and is requesting backup.!"

          At this, Richter, Marcy, and Brent rushed to the launch deck and got inside one of the many RAPTORs that lined the deck. As the bay doors opened Brent contacted Rick and Marcy and bade them good luck. They launched out into the small stretch of space that separated them from the planet Jirin. The green planet was covered in forest with no oceans, but large lakes the size of large cities. The planet's gravity was fairly intense due to its vast size. It was about three times larger than Earth. The team scattered into the oncoming forces that had only a moment ago been attacking the rebel home base. On first contact about thirty of their STAG class jets were extirminated. Then the odds evened out with many of the rebel RAPTORs being knocked down as well. They were meeting each other head onn in a "winner takes all" battle. If the Empire won this battle it would mean the end of the rebellion and the people would be oppressed once again. If the Archangels won it would mean a little more hope that the people would be free of the tyranny that reigned over the galaxy.

            Richter barely dodged an oncoming missile when he saw Marcy's jet get hit. Fear gripped him from all over. his mind raced at what had happened. In his fit of fear he found rage. Arage like none he'd ever felt before. He raced after his cousin's assassin and began to engage him. Blasts of missiles burst through the air, while the clang of metal echoed in his ears. In the next instant the enemy ship had been completely obliterated.

           "Damn! Rick, I didn't know you had it in you." Marcy's voice came like cold water on a hot day.

           "I thought-" He started.

           "You thought wrong." She said over the VidComm. "I'm not gonna die that easily. I landed here by those Jarin Ruins. My RAPTOR's totaled though."

           "I'm on my way." Rick said and began his descent into the ruins, closely followed by two other ships he identified as Brent's and Kara's.

          As they all landed Marcy spoke over the VidComm. "Guys you gotta see this."

          When they ascertained where she was the three of them ran over to her. She was inside of a cave according to the coordinates she had given them. The cave was large and deep. At the end of what seemed like a mile long tunnel, though it was probably only a couple hundred feet, was Marcy standing over a huge trench in the ground. She dropped a rock into it and listened.

           "I wonder how deep it is." She said. "I've dropped three rocks in there and none of them has made so much as a click on a wall or anything."

          "You brought us down here for this?!" Brent yelled. "Our men are fighting for their lives up there and you're entertaining yourself with a hole?!"

          "Hey!!" She yelled back. "I'm sorry if I was pulled in by the magnificence of this thing. There's just something not right about it. Something's off. So before you start judging you need to just-"

          She never finished what she had to say for in that moment the ledge they were standing on crumbled and they fell into the abyss.

        

          Upon awaking, Richter felt immense pain in his left arm. It was broken. He could feel the blood dripping down his arm once again and it was causing him to feel a bit light-headed. Kara was the first to call out with Brent and Marcy replying soon after. As Rick got up he felt around for some sign of a wall in hope that they could climb out.

           "I can't get a signal in here." Brent said after a few minutes. "We're gonna have to get ourselves out. I don't think i can. I broke a few ribs. What about you guys?"

           "I've got a broken leg." Marcy called out.

           "I've got some bruises and a fractures in a few places, but mostly alright thanks to the GravMat you gave me." Kara said. The GravMat is a sort of device that disrupts any gravitational pull for a short period of time. It was originally designed to carry injured soldiers out of battle without doing anymore physical damage to them.

           Richter felt around some more and then he found something. It was cold and metallic and was much like a wall, thus allowing him to stand and maintain balance.

           "What about you Ritchie?" Kara asked.

           "My arm's broken, but I'll be ok." He said. "I think I've found something though."

           "What is it?" Marcy said as she too felt the cold metallic wall.

           Rick feltaround some more and felt something similar to a console and tried to push a button. There was a bang a distance away and he could hear Brent jump at the sound of something much closer. This second sound was like the beeping of a computer performing complex processes. Out of the darkness a small blue sphere of light appeared and Rick could see Brent holding it. The small silver sphere that he had stolen was now beginning to whistle loudly. It was then that the cold wall had shook. Another bang resounded throughout the cave and then the sphere shot a focused beam of light at where Rick had pushed the supposed button.

           The four of them watched in awe as lights flickered on on the wal in front of them. It was then that Richter realized that it wasn't a wall at all, but a ship. A very old and very large ship with an intricate design on its side. Once fully illuminated He could clearly read the design. It read:

 

                       NEXUS

Author's Note

This first chapter is merely an introductory chapter to introduce the main group of characters.

Reviews

[This Page Does Not Exis..]

The introduction is a gripping, and a successful attempt to reel-in readers.

This certainly has the potential to be exceptional. Its flows well in most parts, but it could use some restructuring, I think. For example:

"The future of his people depended on it. He was a grey-eyed, dark haired young man whose desert-tanned skin had collected sweat and was dripping from the running he was doing. " [ this flowed beautifully until the last 9 words.]

A possible fix would be to delete extra words and maintain the past-tense evenly throughout... to continue the pace of the passage. i.e: " ...desert-tanned skin WAS collecting sweat which WAS dripping from the run..." (or something similar).

Also, deleting additional "the's", "ands" & "to's" could help maintain readers and continue the pace, set by the introductory sentences:

original:
"The four of them watched in awe as lights flickered on on the wal in front of them. It was then that Richter realized that it wasn't a wall at all, but a ship. A very old and very large ship with an intricate design on its side. Once fully illuminated He could clearly read the design. It read:"

possible changes:
"ALL four of them watched in awe as lights flickered on the wall in front of them. It was then that Richter realized it wasn't a wall at all, but a ship. A very old,large ship with intricate designs on its side. Once fully illuminated He could clearly read the design. It read:"


original:
" When they ascertained where she was the three of them ran over to her. She was inside of a cave according to the coordinates she had given them. The cave was large and deep. At the end of what seemed like a mile long tunnel, though it was probably only a couple hundred feet, was Marcy standing over a huge trench in the ground. She dropped a rock into it and listened."

possible changes:
"Once they ascertained her location, the three of them ran over to her. She was inside a cave , according to the coordinates she had given them, which was large and deep. At the end of what seemed like miles of tunnel, though probably only a couple-hundred feet, was Marcy. Standing over a huge trench in the ground, she was dropping a rock into it, and began listening. "


This is a beatuiful, and enchanting plot-line. I think once the tense and grammatical situations are corrected it would be less distracting to a reader, and would more affectively relay your story and thoughts to your audience.

I love, Love, LOVE the first paragraph and I feel you have a great story in the works. The character-development is also mysterious and leaves the reader asking many questions. This is important. It leaves your audience captivated and awaiting answers.

Best of luck,
Nancy