Travel Inn Style

A handsome jewel thief and a surprised motel patron on an otherwise boring Thursday night find each other repulsed for different reasons.

    The horseshoe rooftop of Travel Inn glistened in the moonlight from a passing October cloudburst. Sodium arc lamp light made the jalopies in the parking lot look like shiny new ones. It was twelve fifteen a.m. on an average Thursday night at edge of town. The sound of jumbos landing and taking off was, at this moment, in competition with a burglar alarm, arguing prostitutes and a far off siren for a share of the south city nightscape.

    Jeffrey was handling his business in the flickering light of room Thirteen’s late night cable t.v. when his door burst open and a dark figure flew in low, rolling across the floor and popping up at the foot of his bed as the door slammed closed again. The figure was a tall handsome man in his mid thirties dressed in all black with a black backpack and what had to be an expensive turtleneck. The man looked at Jeffrey and then turned and looked at the two big hairy men wrestling in the nude on the tv. The man looked back at Jeffrey and said

“EW!” and then calmly “Is there anyone in the bathroom?”

Jeffrey then became aware of the far off sirens and hoped they were coming here. He only shook his head no to his midnight interloper.

Moments later, Jeffrey heard the toilet flush and his Adonis in onyx stepped out but was preceded by the odor of entrails in ruin. If that hadn’t killed his fantasy the realization that he hadn’t heard the sink come on either was a deal breaker.

“I’m gonna blow up that Aztec Kitchen.” Jeffrey’s former fantasy said.

‘You already blew up my bathroom, Dick.’ Jeffrey thought but didn’t say out loud.

“Gimme your keys.” the man then said calmly.

“No.” Jeffery said.

“Wait.” the man said “I got something for this.”

He then pulled a pistol from his backpack and said

“Please gimme your keys.”

Jeffrey reached for his trousers that were folded over the back of the chair beside his bed.

“Stop!” turtleneck said.

“What?” Jeffrey asked, startled.

“Your hands. Ew!” he answered.

“How about my bathroom, you dick?” Jeffrey countered.

“Right?” the gunman chuckled while he reached into the pocket himself.

Jeffrey got a closer look at his intruder. He scoffed under his breath and turned his head while folding his arms.

“Off-the-rack-man.” he said, barely audible.

“What did you say?” the gunman asked as he found and aimed the fob at the parking lot between the curtains.

“Nothing…” Jeffrey said, not looking at his soured fantasy.

The mysterious man in black heard the “Bloop Bloop” of the car’s lock and looked for the blinking lights. He could hear the sirens, now getting closer. He looked from the car to “Mr. Handy” with sudden disgust on his face.

“What?!” Jeffrey asked.

“A Prius?” turtleneck asked angrily.

The sirens were getting closer.

“Ah, eat a dick.” Jeffrey said, just before a blood drop formed between his eyes.

“No.” the diamond thief said.

And then, before closing the door on the love nest for one, he said

“The lead was for the fashion comment, not the totally gay Toyota, Nancy Bear.

    The green compact sat at the entrance with it’s right turn signal on as three police cruisers with their lights and sirens going passed by. The jewel thief then put his left signal on and entered the highway going the opposite way into the night.