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how anxiety makes me feel…

the anxiety ripples its way through my body, 

creeping up from the back of my brain just to f**k me over.

 again. and again. 

strangling me, choking and suffocating me, 

til all the air has left my lungs and escaped from my grasp. 

it creeps its way up from the depths of my soul,

 day after day, i try and suppress it. 

but to no avail. i do not succeed.

i never do and it seems as though i never will.

i try and i try, again and again.

until the anxiety creeps back down to the depths of my soul.

as i lay there, blood seeping through my black and white nightgown,

i contemplate if i’m truly needed to the people in my life.

the only answer i get is no. over and over again.

this question plays over in my head as i always receive the same answer.

i take the cold blade inbetween my trembling fingers and drag it across my white scarred skin.

watching the the air stings my open wound, watching my hands ever so carefully.

i take a washcloth and wipe away the blood that seems to be bubbling on my skin.

this. this is what its like when all you want to do is die.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

This one is disturbing. Overwhelming anxiety accompanied by thoughts of wanting to die and self mutilation are are deadly mix. If you have access to help, I urge you to seek it before it's too late.

[Kat]

This poem is an amazing example of what wanting to do die feels like i could feel your pain and i can understand this feeling your poem is eye opening thank you for sharing your talent