I do not exist

I used to think I was special

I could pull all my strings

Be in control of my destiny

But then I searched within

And all I could see was the abyss

An empty void at the center of a being

A bottomless pit of hollow space

A void devoid of all livelihood

 

I used to think I was in control but I was wrong

There is no puppeteer

There is no self

When I look inside I see nothing

I see a thousand things happening in different ways

I see my thoughts running wild in all directions

I see reflections of reflections of my thoughts

But when I search for I, I cannot find thee

I see myself, I reconstruct myself

I reinvent myself

I am what I think I am

Am a continuous reconstruction of how I see myself

 

Hello, is there anyone in there

All I hear are echos of my own voices

Reflections of my own thoughts

For when I look deep within I see nothing

I have lost myself within myself

 

I used to feel pain,

I used to feel joy,

I used to feel a thousand things that mattered

I used to think it meant something to live

But who is there to feel

Who is there to look

To move

Am an illusion

I do not exist

 

The universe decides what it wants

It says when I sleep

It says when I work

It says when I eat

When I breath

My destiny is preset

My decisions are already made for me

There is no one inside

 

I look

But when I look I feel

When I feel I know

When I know I feel again

Then I know

But who is there to know

Who is there to feel

They are impulses running through my nerves

They are neurons firing in my brain

Memories stored on a drive

Telling me what to do when

There is no spirit within

There is no room for me

There was a different me yesterday

A life passes like the wind and is forgotten forever just like these words

Reviews

[The dark Hydra]

I wish this poem thingy didn't exist