Hearts As One

Made this song when I had a crush on a girl. There are piano keys to the song too! First time i made lyrics with a tune http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut8S6y7cVao

The slightest blush upon your cheeks
the way you make my heart leap
the simple sweet smile on your lips

The way your hair swish against your eyes
how you seem so, so fine
please girl, realize we're made to fly

Let's close our eyes, never say goodbye
wish yet another goodnight under the starlit sky
Better safe the sorry, that's what you said
so please hold me tightly as we soar, our hearts as one
Our hearts as one, as one

Eyes so bright, her heart so pure
looking at her, she acts demure
needn't need to ask for more

Her voice so soft and sweet
it echoes through my head
been thinking about her through my sleep

Let's close our eyes, never say goodbye,
wish yet another goodnight under the starlit sky
Better safe the sorry, that's what you said
so please hold me tightly as we soar, our hearts as one
Our hearts as one

It started off like a breeze
turning into flames, didn't think it'd be like this
Just an eye candy, a crush only
yet you took me away with your sweet kiss

But alas this wasn't how it was
cause you turned a deaf ear on my repertoire
Thinking too much how I adore you
but it's just a passing comment stuck in my head

For you, I will
Stay up by your side, be your guiding light
A guardian, your protector, a shining suited knight

For you, I shall
Stay true to my words tonight
fight off all those dragons that come into your life

But alas this wasn't how it was
cause you turned a deaf ear on my repertoire
Before you even knew me well, you cut off that sweet connection
and let me drown in that bottomless well

For you, I may
Had been your wall to lean on
but this sweet feeling may be gone
as i gently fade off

For you, I could
Have done anything darling, if you just let me in
If you just let me in

So please trust me
close your eyes, never say goodbye
as our hearts beat as one under the starlit sky
as our hearts beat as one
under the starlit sky

Reviews

[Zoe Jay]

Very disciplined writing, with good structure and rhythm. Slow paced, descriptive, and tender, like classic love poetry. The rhymes give the poem an overall soft, sweet tone. The poem is softly sad and devoted, but without being mawkish or morbid. The repetitions of "hearts beat as one" and various others, although not strictly necessary to the poem, are musical and effective. Clearly, the choruses are there because this is a song and not purely a poem. What I really like about this piece is that it is not self-pitying, there is a underlying strength here which gives the poem nobility. Very good write!

[PaperHearts]

Aww, cute! I really liked the way you worded this piece, and thought that it flowed perfectly for song lyrics. I noticed that you changed about a quarter way into the poem from talking ABOUT the girl to talking TO the girl, which I thought was a little inconsistent, but other than that, I thought that this was a really adorable write. And mmzx is right; this girl is luckyluckylucky. :)
~PaperHearts

[mmzx]

whoever the girl is, she's lucky.