I Wish They Knew

factions in teens

School has always been hard for me. I might seem really out going, but everyone has their secrets. In the fourth grade I dreaded getting on the bus filled with all the people I try to avoid. One particular bully pushed me everyday; he said the most terrifying things you could possibly think of. I remember telling my mom that I didn't feel good, just to get away from the insults and factions. This behavior was a result from the past that to this day, I can’t believe it actually happened. I know that I’m not a product of my past, but I also know that because of my experience, I will always think thats how people act.

Theres always been a distinctive difference between my group of “emos”,a disgusting attempt at a creative adjective, and the cool kids. We talked about songs and school issues; they talked about boys and rumors, some of which were about us. It really hurt sometimes. The more times I heard one of the “playful” nicknames they gave us, the more isolated I got. The more I relied on depressing songs sung by bands like Bring Me The Horizon, Pierce The Veil, and Falling in Reverse to even out the dopamine levels in my brain.

As the days got worse and worse, my actions began to blur. The choices I have made sometimes haunt my nightly dreams and flood my body with remorse and regret, yet I continue to make the same mistakes.You might think I am talking about normal teenage stuff. You’re wrong. This is not normal. I dabbled in self harm and suicide attempts. I saw my mom cry and I smiled at the idea of why.

I was broken because of these factions that seemed to be set in stone. Why? This question can only be answered in history. Looking back on history we see factions within factions. We see people torn apart by the segregation and isolation.

I know how groups and cliques can change a civilian into a mass murderer. Those cool kids will never know how much what they said, really killed me inside. Being a laughing stock is not the best job description. I wish they knew.

Looking back, I haven't changed much. I still am scared to answer that simple question the teacher is asking. I’m afraid to share what I know. Everything I see in myself, I’m terrified to show other kids. I cover up my real self. I pretend to be outgoing. I appear to be an open book.

I guess you can say that I’m one of the many people who have been misled on a path of brokenness and hurt. It’s like a pattern one broken person after another. It reminds me of one broken family after another. If only we could break that chain.

Factions isolate people, and they rip apart every last safe haven us as human beings deserve. We were meant to live together not separate.

Author's Note

this is a real story