The Pain That Fades Away

what happens when you can only trust a razor...

Last night

I broke down and cried

I let the tears fall

I let the razor glide across my wrist

I let the blood spill out

I let my arms go numb

I let my world fade away

I let myself feel free

For the first time

In a long time

And it felt amazing

But then i realized

I broke the promise

I broke the promise that i wouldnt cut

I broke the promise i wouldnt rely on that razor anymore

I broke that promise and i dont have the heart to tell him

All i do is hurt people

And take up space

Waste air

Break peoples hearts

Thats all i do anymore

And  cant stand it

So i cut again

Deeper this time

The world will be happy to get rid of me

So i just let myself completely drift away

And for once

Im happy

But then i wake up

And the world around me is black

I realize it didnt work

I reach to turn on the light

And the blood is almost blinding

It seems like theres no end

So i start cleaning

And when im done

I get ready

For the next day

I put my bracelets on

Their my shields against the truth

I walk out the door

And put on the fakest smile

Ive ever seen

And laugh like everythings okay

Live like im no dying inside

And everyone believe it

For now im okay with that

Til i can tell people the truth

Author's Note

I just sat here in computers and wrote this so sorry if its rambly. Just something that happened and i wanted to write about it..