On Her Own

She heads off to start over

“There’s a bus station a block away. I’m sorry about what happened.” Earl opened the bus doors and I quickly got off. As he closed them I waved to him. He was the only person who I wasn't pissed off at. He probably had to deal with this a lot. The bus slowly drove away, but I turned so I couldn't watch it. Even though it held something I didn't want back. It still hurt to watch it leave. All this time I had wasted with them. I thought they were my idols, I looked up to them. And they stomped all over me. I started walking to the station. My throat was hurting and my eyes stung as I held in the tears. When I turned a corner I saw the bus station and sighed. I had nothing but the clothes on my back, my cell phone, and fifteen dollars. I made it up to the booth to get tickets.

“Welcome. Do you want tickets?” A woman stood inside the booth in a suit and bright red lipstick. I nodded and handed her my money.

“How far will this take me?” All I wanted was to leave and never come back. She took the money and counted it in her hands. It seemed to take years for her to complete the counting.

“Which way are you heading?” She asked.

“North.” I answered her trying not to make eye contact. She knit her eyebrows together and studied me.

“Honey, I’ve seen many people like you come through here. Broken, alone, desperate. I understand that it’s hard. Now tell me the exact place you want to go. I’m going to make sure you make it home safely.” My jaw dropped as I looked at her.

“Wisconsin, Milwaukee.” I told her in disbelief. She started typing on her computer.  

“Ok, there’s a bus leaving five minutes that will take you to Chicago. There you will get on another bus and that will take you home overnight. Here’s your tickets. Be safe, hun.” Her perfectly manicured hand slid two tickets through a hole in the glass. I almost felt happy. At least some people were nice to me. I grabbed them and gave her a forced smile.

“Thank you.” I called over my shoulder as I ran to find my bus. My heart started to beat painfully as I ran. All I wanted now was to just get away. Away from everything that hurt me. The sun was starting to go down.

“Now leaving for Chicago.” I heard someone call out from a bus at the end of the station. I picked up my pace and made it to the bus as the driver sat down. He grabbed my ticket and greeted me. The bus was not full, but when I looked around I felt like a million eyes were on me. I walked quickly to the back where I thought no one could see me. The eyes followed me there too and I felt uncomfortable. A couple a few seats ahead turned to look at me. They whispered to each other and turned back around. A teenage girl stared down the aisle at me while typing on her phone. I stared out the window and tried to push the strange looks and glares to the back of my mind. It soon got too much and I put my head in my hands. I hated to break down because it took forever to get back together. My tears filled my hands and I kept my sobs silent. I imagined Erin once I left. Him giving all his bandmates highfives. By now he probably has another girl all over him. Rockstars. I hated them. My hands held my head as I took a shaky breath to calm myself. A small part of me wanted to curl into a ball and never come out. Everything hurt. I felt eyes on me again, but this time they seemed closer. I looked up to find a woman standing in front of me. She stared at me.

“What do you want?” I managed to choke out. She ran a hand through her shoulder length, black hair.

“You look like you need someone to talk to.” Her voice was quiet.

“I don’t need anyone.” I told her turning away. She came and sat next to me anyway.

“You can talk to me. I don’t like seeing someone in pain and having no one help.” I turned to her and sighed. Her put her lips together and stared at me.

“I can’t really tell you what’s going on. It’s embarrassing.” The more I thought about what happened I realized that it was embarrassing. Being cheated on by my rockstar boyfriend and never knowing about it until after media and everyone in the world knew.

“Look at me. I can tell you need someone to talk to.” She seemed to know what she was doing. Her aura was friendly and I was desperate. I looked up at her.

“Do you know who I am?” I asked. Everyone else seemed to know about the scandal. Maybe she knew. She studied me for a minute. Then she opened her mouth in shock.

“I do know you. You’re the Darkrise girl.” The woman tried to hide her excitement. “You’re Erins.... Oh my! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...”  She grimaced. I shook my head and felt like crying.

“So...so you know what’s happened already.” I felt angry at everything. Who doesn’t know about it. Can’t wait to go home and be the laughing stock of the town. I could see the towns paper right now, ‘Rocker ditches commoner girl’ or something like that. Something that ruins my life.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to be... I feel so bad for you. I just read about this, this morning. When did you find out?” Her hand covered her mouth in shock.

“About an hour or so ago.” I answered. She gasped.

“You must still be hurting. I wouldn’t blame you for leaving him. The media made it seem so horrid. What did happen?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She started to annoy me.

“Me and my big mouth. Oh I almost forgot. My name’s Clara.” Clara smiled sweetly at me. I faked a smile back and we started talking.

“Chicago in five minutes!” We heard the bus driver yell over our conversation. We were laughing.

“So I pushed him off the chair and climbed on top of it.” I told her stories from my past, but never told her who they were with.

“That’s so funny. Well, we better pack up. I get off at Chicago also.” Clara shoved all off the stuff she had taken out during the long trip. We had make up, nail polish, and candy wrappers all over the seat.

“I wish we didn’t have to get off. I’ve had so much fun.” After hours and hours on the bus she had made me feel better. People had stopped staring at me and my tears had dried up.

“It was a lovely time. We should keep in touch.” Clara took out a business card and handed it to me.

“You’re a florist. That’s so cool.” I told her studying the flower border that surrounded the card. “Clara Barber, florist and bouquet specialist.” I read out loud. She blushed.

“My husband made the cards. He likes to do that kind of thing.” Clara crumpled up the candy wrappers and shoved them in her pocket. I smiled at her.

“You never told me you had a husband. Wow, you’re pretty good. Wish I had your luck.” Right now I didn’t really have the energy to be angry at someone. They were shoved to the back of my mind.

“Don’t lose hope. If you ever do get married you know who to call for flowers.” She made a phone with her hand and put it up to her ear. I gave her a thumbs up. The bus stopped and we both frowned.

“You’ve just been too nice to me.” I told her. Clara shook her head.

“Come on let’s get off this bus.” She took my hand and pulled me down the aisle and out the door. It was dark out and the station was lit up. We stood on the sidewalk and hugged each other.

“I’m going to miss you.”

“Don’t lose hope. You have plenty of time to get everything right. Start over and forget everything in the past.” She grabbed her bag and waved goodbye before disappearing into the dark. I almost wanted to cry, but I was done crying. I turned away looking for my next bus. The city was lit up and bright. Skyscrapers and apartment buildings shined and glowed. My mind wandered to the tour and the big, huge cities we passed through and how he always knew where to go out to. I took a deep breath and tightened my hands into fists. It was time to forget all of that. Start over. And this was just the beginning. I saw a sign that flashed Milwaukee. It guided me to my bus and I quickly got on covering my face the best I could on my dimly lit way to the back. No one noticed me. I gave a sigh of relief as I sat down. The bus had turned up its air conditioning in the back and I was soon frozen. My short sleeve t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers did not help to keep me warm. I waited for it to shut off, but it didn’t. So I stuck it out as I drifted off into a nightmare-less sleep.

“Milwaukee coming up!” The bus driver screamed from the front. I jumped up quickly and my head spun. All of the passengers were grabbing their stuff from the top racks.  My head was down and the morning light drifted through the window. I looked up and remembered everything. I cursed under my breath. A man turned around and stared at me then looked up at the rack. He looked confused for a minute. I tried to cover my face and look away without being too suspicious. Out the window I saw the bus station, but it wasn’t close enough.

“Hey, you’re that girl from tv!” The man called to me. I groaned. A wave of surprised voices drifted through the bus. My stomach dropped. Heads turned to me and phones flashed out.

“Just leave me alone!” I screamed at them. It went quiet for a few moments before the clicking of cameras took over. I covered my face and dashed up front. The bus driver looked at me with pity. My hands were shaking in front of my face as I held the flood of emotions in.

“Get off now, hurry.” The bus driver stopped the bus and opened the door. “If anyone follows her out I am going to call the cops.” He yelled back at the passengers. I dashed out, running for my life until I found a familiar street. My heart raced, my head ached, and I was on edge. I looked around so paranoid that someone was going to jump out on me. Everytime a car passed I would jump back and try to hide. I didn’t even feel safe in my hometown. A pair of bicyclists passed me and I waved. Maybe if I act normal no one will recognize me. I turned a corner and saw a playground. It struck something in my mind and I remembered where I was. Just a few more blocks and I’ll be home. I quickened my pace until I was sprinting down the street. Houses blurred by and people pointed at me. My legs started to hurt, but I couldn’t stop. The moment I get home everything’s going to get better. Everything will be fine. A house I recognized was ahead, It was my home. I ran up the path, jumped over the steps, and opened the door.