Tour Bussing

Her life on a boy filled tour bus.

I screamed the lyrics to my favorite song loud and clear. Nobody dared to quiet me, not even the very people who had wrote the song. They stared at me in amusement, annoyance, and happiness. I unplugged my ear buds and stared at them. I was lucky, so lucky. Even after all this time. They will always be my idols even if I am dating one of them. They are my everything. Especially their bass player. I stared at him waiting for a reaction.

He started to walk over to me, but fell over when the bus hit a big bump. Everyone laughed. He stood up and dusted off the imaginary dirt. His brown eyes twinkled and his wild hair had become even wilder. He saw what I was staring at and tried flattening his long, dirty blonde, spiky hair. He sat next to me on the fake leather seat and put his arm around my neck ready to give me a noogie, but instead he kissed my forehead.

“If you keep singing like that we’ll have to fire Brice here and make you lead singer.” Erin smiled at me and turned to Brice. Brice sat across from us smiling, he was the lead singer.

“Really? So, do I get too rename the band then?” Erin stared at me in mock horror.

“What’s wrong with the name Darkrise?” He asked. I kissed his cheek and looked out the window. I watched the vast cornfields pass by for a minute.

“I’m just joking.” I laughed and turned to him. He stared at me for a moment.

“Good, or I’d have to kill you.” Erin said making me laugh.

“I’ll help!” Zeke came running into the living room part of the bus from the back. We stared at him. His short blonde mohawk was a little flat. He put on a big smile before deciding to sit down, on Ben, who was sleeping. We all watched silently. Ben just opened his eyes and looked around. Zeke then jumped on him causing a grunt to escape his human seat. Ben then shook his head, glared at Zeke, and shoved him off hard. Zeke landed on the floor next to the cupboards. We all laughed except Ben.

“Get up, Zeke.” Brice walked over to him and lightly kicked his side. He jumped up and stuck his tongue out at Ben.

“You do that again and I will hurt you.” He threatened Zeke. He sat up and yawned. Brice went to the cupboards and took out a box of Cheez-its.

“Dude, we ate like an hour ago.” Zeke told Brice grabbing the box and opening it. Brice tried taking it back, but before he could Zeke took a handful and shoved it in his mouth. Half the box spilt on the floor. Brice picked one up and threw it at him. In return Zeke grabbed another and threw it at his face.

“Zeke!” I yelled at him. It distracted him and Brice took the box away also taking a handful. Zeke pushed him playfully and sat down, this time next to Ben. Brice went to the back. Ben glared at Zeke and turned away. Erin and I just sat here watching this all happen.

“Well, maybe we should stop for a bit.” Erin suggested. He stood up and walked toward the front of the bus to talk to Earl the bus driver. I watched him quickly step over the mess disappear behind the curtain. Everyone seemed to be calmer now. I wondered how long it would last.

“Where’s my cup?” Ben stood up and walked around the bus hallway. His long light colored dreads swinging around as he turned his head. I heard a chuckle come from the back of the bus. Ben gave up quickly, not wanting to cause trouble, and sat back down with a tired sigh. Everything seemed to be calming down at last.

“Hey guys, do we want to stop at Walmart?” Erin pushed the curtain aside and stared at us. I heard Brice yell from the back and Erin nodded.

“We need more Cheeze-its.” Zeke said sounding serious at first before breaking out laughing. I laughed to for a second. My boyfriend Erin tried to step over the spilt crackers with no luck. They just broke into even smaller pieces making an even bigger mess. He frowned as he walked over the mess. I gave him my hand as he sat next to me. He held it tight almost too tight.

“We need more beer.” Ben said. He stood by the small fridge his hand pushing around the contents aside.

“Maybe you should check beer cooler.” Zeke told him holding a beer in his hands. They glared at each other. Then Zeke popped the top and handed it to Ben. He sat down and took a sip from it, happy. Zeke sighed, walked over the mess and disappeared behind the curtain to talk with the bus driver. I looked at Erin, he was staring out the window behind Ben. My hand gently squeezed his. He looked at me and smiled. I felt the bus go over a big bump and looked out the window. A giant Wal-Mart sign stood before us.

“Hey, we made it.” Zeke pushed the curtain back and gestured to the door.  They all rushed out except me. I didn't feel like getting out. My mind seemed foggy.  Anyway the mess was still there and even worse from them walking over it on the way out. I sighed deeply and went to the closet to get our broom. Someone said my name and I turned around. Erin stood in the open doorway with the curtain pushed back.

“Babe, come on. We can pick it up later.” He stared at me. I looked at the already open closet and sighed again. My back facing him.

“I need to pick up this mess.” I didn't turn to look at him, but I felt the bus move and the sound of more crackers breaking as he walked over to me. His arms went around my waist. He pulled me into him and I felt his breath on my neck. A chill ran up my spine, I closed my eyes. Footsteps sounded behind us, but we didn't move.

“Erin, Millie, where are....” Zeke’s loud voice was heard from behind us. The bus shifted as he got on. “You... never mind.” I heard him leave. Erin laughed and the bus shifted again as Zeke hopped off. We still stood there caught in our own fantasy. His lips gently pressed themselves on my neck sending warmth through my body. Then he turned me around so I faced him. Eyes sparkling with love and compassion, he kissed me. I felt his lip piercing as our lips collided, it sent sparks into my brain. His lips caressed my cheek. I started to fall over, but I locked my hands behind his head for support. Lips met again. Twisting our head side to side. He kissed passionately and softly, we backed up against the wall. My hands ran through his hair the best they could. His hands held my waist to him. This moment seemed to last forever. Well, it lasted a little too long. I felt the bus shift, but Erin mustn't have. His lips were still locked with mine, and it was fine with me. Just not with the rest of the band. Zeke’s voice was the one I heard first.

“I walked on the bus and... look they’re still at it.”

“Oh god!” I heard Ben yell. Erin quickly turned around cursing under his breath. I stepped out from behind him. Brice, Ben, and Zeke stood there staring at us. The guys all had on different emotions. Brice had a kind of shock and disgust mix, Ben was just plain horrified, and Zeke was smiling, happy to ruin our moment. Nobody spoke, awkward silence took over.

“You didn't even pick up the mess.” Out of all of us Zeke was the one to break the silence. Shocking I know. He walked over the mess shaking his head. We stared at Zeke as he went behind us, opened up the door, and got out the broom. The broom then was shoved into my arms.

“What the hell!” I yelled at him. A huge smile spread across his face. My mouth open ready to protest again.

“You need to clean this up.” He gestured to the mess.

“Why can’t you do it? You made this mess.”

“But you are the girl, and girls pick up the mess.” He said matter of factly.

“F**k you.” I shoved the broom back at him. Zeke stepped back and let it fall to the floor. Erin pushed me aside and glared at Zeke.

“Was that necessary?” He asked him angrily. Zeke stared back at him. I bit my lip.

“I’m not cleaning it up.” He told him. Erin took a step toward Zeke.

“Pick it up.”

He then shoved Zeke back.

“Dude!” Zeke yelled.

“Don’t talk to my girl like that!” Erin yelled. My boyfriend stood inches from Zeke's face. I felt my face grow red from either anger or embarrassment.

“I’m not picking it up, that’s final.” Zeke snapped at him. I looked at Ben and Brice pleading for them to do something.

“Guy, guys, I’ll pick it up. I helped make the mess anyway.” Brice stepped forward. We all shuffled out of the way to let Brice through. Erin still glared at Zeke. Brice grabbed the broom. Zeke walked to the back of the bus and sat down on a couch. The one helpful band member started to sweep up the smashed crackers. Erin put his arm around me and sat down. He still seemed angry, Zeke can do that to people. His maturity level was pretty low. Ben, who had all of the shopping bags, went to work putting them into the cupboards. I started to get up and help him, but Erin hadn't let go of my hand. His mind was somewhere else at the moment.

“Erin, honey don’t let Zeke get to you like that. You know that’s how it is. Let go and be useful.” At the end I sounded a bit angry, but I got him to let go. I walked over to Ben and opened a bag. He leaned over to me and whispered in my ear.

“If this continues we’ll have to get separate buses.” He chuckled at his own comment. I giggled a bit and grabbed a box of Ritz crackers out of the bag along with a case of beer, a bag of cheese sticks, and another case of beer. About ten minutes had passed and Brice had finished cleaning. Ben and I were leaning on the counter sharing some crackers.

“Zeke, come out here.” Brice yelled in no particular direction. Zeke came stomping in obviously not in a good mood. I quickly sat next to Erin and grasped his hand. I knew if I didn't there would be a entirely different mess. They didn't look at each other. Zeke had his arms crossed and Erin had both hands holding mine. Time seemed to slowly pass by. My patience was at an all time low.

“Zeke, apologize now.” Brice demanded. Zeke rolled his eyes and turned away.

“I’m not apologizing.” He grumbled. I looked at Erin waiting for a reaction. No one moved or spoke. Ben coughed, stretched his arms in the air, and walked past all of us like no big deal.

“I’m going to bed.” He said. I stared at him and then Brice. Still, no one did anything. I watched Ben hop into his bed and pull the pillow over his face. I snapped, pulled my hand out of Erin's, stood up, and glared at the both of them.

“Zeke, get your a*s over here!” I yelled. He stared at me his eyes wide. “What are you waiting for? GET OVER HERE!” He slowly crept over to me. I grabbed his arm and shoved him toward the couch.

“Gosh, don’t get your tits in a twist.” He sat down next to Erin whose eyes were also wide.

“Apologise.” I commanded them.

“No.” Zeke protested. I glared at him putting all of my anger and hatred into my gaze.

“Say you’re sorry.” I said through gritted teeth, trying not to hit him in the head.

“Fine.” He mumbled.

“What? I can’t hear you.”

“I’m sorry.” He said a little louder. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Erin smile a bit.

“For what?” I pressed. He stared at me. I waved my hand telling him to go on. He knew what was doing.

“For being a complete a*****e and a jerk.” Zeke answered looking down at his feet. I let a smile show.

“And Erin, do you accept?” I turned to my loving boyfriend.  He nodded and said.

“I accept your apology.” Erin smiled.

“Now you may kiss the sorry a*****e or your girlfriend. Whichever.” I shrugged and stared at them. Erin got up, grabbed my waist, and pulled me into him.

“Thank you for the lovely ceremony.” He kissed my cheek.

“Get a room.” Brice walked past us and opened up a cupboard. Erin let go of me and looked around.

“Guys, it’s almost ten. Let’s go to sleep.” Zeke yawned and headed toward the bunks. All of a sudden I felt very tired.

“Ahead of ya, Zeke.” Brice was holding a bottle of NyQuil. He took that most nights, but not after a show. Concerts tired us all out. I turned to Erin.

“I better get my bed ready.” I sighed getting my blankets out of the closet. They were simple, warm enough, since I slept on the couch. I set them up quickly and sat on them waiting for the others to get settled in. We were on tour and Erin had to do a massive amount of begging to let them take me along. One condition is that we do our business in our own room and I sleep on the couch when on the bus. Brice crawled up into his bed and pulled the covers over his head. The city lights that flashed outside the window caught my attention. They looked like shooting stars flying by. I sighed.

“Babe, you okay?” Erin sat down next to me. I snapped out of my trance to stare to him

“Yeah, just thinking.” I whispered. He stared at me and I turned away to look out the window. His hand grabbed my chin and turned my head toward him. In his gaze was worry.

“I know you’re upset. Talk to me.” Erin let go and took hold of my hand. I glanced down the hallway to see if anyone was still awake or listening. My head went through all of the things I could say.

“It’s nothing.” I chose. I hated to trouble him. He frowned a little.

“Please, tell me. Are you depressed again?” Erin said, his voice held a hint of desperation and pain. He knew everything about me.

“Honey, it’s really nothing. I’m just... tired. Go to bed.” I turned away and smoothed down a bit of my covers. He let go of my hand and stood up. I looked up at him and forced a smile. He leaned down to kiss my forehead.

“Love you.” He whispered. I just nodded and pulled back my covers. He walked to the beds, crawled into his, and blew me a kiss. My hands grasped the sheets and I slipped under them. I stared at the ceiling trying to sleep. Was it really that obvious? I thought to myself. I thought I was a pro at hiding my feelings. No one ever could guess I was depressed. I let out a sigh and flipped off the light. Sleep consumed my mind and dropped it into a nightmare.

“Erin?” I called out to him. He didn't answer. I was lost, wandering around the darkness. Fear ran through my body as I ran to find a way out. A door appeared before me. I let out a sigh of relief and opened it. The door led to a room filled with mops, buckets, and old speakers. It was a closet. I opened another door and stepped through, I was backstage. The crowd sounded wild. Brice was speaking, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. People were walking around, covered with wires and headphones, adjusting panels and twisting dials. It seemed like a normal backstage of any concert. The crowd grew louder and started to chant something. I strained to hear. They were chanting encore. I walked around the area scanning for the curtain I go through to see them playing. A song started and saw the curtain. I pushed it aside, walked through, and was blinded by lights.

“Erin?” I called once again. My hand blocked out the light. He was there playing his piano with the rest of the band playing along with him. I smiled at him and waved. Erin looked straight at me, but he didn’t smile or wave back. My head shook trying to make sense of what had happened.  

“He’s just busy and I shouldn't distract him.” I told myself. The song had ended and I was just about to run out to hug him, but someone was already there. She hugged him, kissed him, right in front of me. He lifted her up to spin her around and kiss her again.

“Well, that’s all for tonight.” Brice’s voice bounced around in my head painfully. I took a step back and stared at the two cuddling on stage. She seemed beautiful, better looking than I was, taller too. A small part of my brain knew what was happening. My legs carried me away from the stage. I turned and ran, eyes closed, not caring where I went. Until I ran into someone. I stopped and looked at who I had bumped into.

“Oh, hi.” Ben stood before me. Relief washed through me. I needed to ask him about what I saw.

“Ben, I’m so glad to see you. Um... who was that on stage with Erin?” Ben just stared at me confused. Then he smiled and nodded in understanding.

“Your group is over there. The band will be out in a few minutes. We’ll answer all your questions.” He pointed to a group of people standing around, passes tied around their necks.

“Ben, my boyfriend Erin. What was he doing out there?” I demanded. He started laughing and walked past me. My jaw dropped.

“Hey, Erin your girlfriend is waiting.” Ben pulled back the curtain and yelled. I walked over to the group holding back my tears. Erin came out arm around the girl. A smile lit up his face. He turned to her and they kissed passionately. My fists clenched at my sides.

“My girlfriend is right here, Ben.” He held her in his arms. I bit my lip until I tasted blood.

“Tell that to her.” Ben pointed at me. Erin looked at me like he was searching for something.

“Who is this?” He asked. The girl looked at him lovingly.

“I don’t …. wait.” Ben walked over to me and stared into my eyes. “It’s her.” He said finally.

“Her? You mean?” They stared at each other speaking with their eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Ben almost yelled at me. I flinched inside. The room seemed to spin.

“Erin, what’s going on?” I pleaded. His jaw dropped.

“I told you to stay away. I don’t love you anymore. I’m famous and you’re just a stupid, small, peasant. Go away. I don’t love you and I never will.” He yelled at me. Hatred filled his voice. I choked back a sob.

“But.. I love you.” I whispered. Tears stung my eyes and flowed down my cheeks like a river and I was drowning.

“I hate you. Get out of my sight.” He turned away. My arm reached out to him, to pull him back. All of a sudden everyone disappeared and I was swallowed by darkness. Sobs threw my body onto the floor, where I cried, screamed, thrashed around in pain.

“Millie!” Erin's voice screamed in my ears. I covered my ears and screamed. The ground started to shake violently. I thrashed and thrashed as hands grabbed my arms and shook me. My stinging eyes shot open and looked around. The tears still ran down my face.

“Erin, I love you.” I whispered before sobs took over my body again.

“Babe, honey, calm down. I love you too.” Erin spoke to me.

“But... you and...” I started to cry again. My body curled into a ball and I covered my face. Arms went around me.

“Shh, everything’s fine.” His voice ran through my head calming me a bit. The tears still didn’t stop.

“You don’t want me.” I told him muffled by my hands. He pulled me closer to him.

“I love you. I do want you. It was all just a bad dream.” Erin stroked my arm. I opened up my eyes to look at him. His hair was everywhere and he looked like a mess. I just then realized what had happened.

“Not again.” My head spun as I sat up. Erin stared at me.

“You told me everything was okay.” He held my arms with both hands. I wiped off my tears and stared into his eyes.

“Ugh!” My hands covered my face again. He grabbed them and put them onto my lap.

“Everything’s going to be okay.” Erin tucked my loose dark brown hair behind my ear. I looked away.

“I’m sorry. I thought I had this under control.” My mind was never under control. He knew what had happened to me. Every night that I had my night terrors he was there. Erin understood that I couldn’t control it. The look in his eyes when I wake up from one always scared me. They were filled with love. No one I’ve ever met could spend more than two nights with me if I had night terrors. They push people away. No one really understands what it’s like to have this happen. Those who do almost scare me because it’s so rare.

“It’s seven in the morning. Do you want to sleep some more?” He asked. I shook my head.

“I can’t.” My legs were stiff and it was painful to sit up. Erin grasped my hand and helped me. Everyone was sitting in the couches up front. All of them looked as messy as Erin did when he woke me. I walked past them to the coffee machine. Zeke looked up at me, dark circles surrounded his eyes. Erin was behind me, I turned to him. They were glaring at each other. I saw Brice and Ben sleeping sitting up on the couch. Ben’s head resting on Brice’s shoulder.  My mind was spinning. I grabbed the edge of the counter.

“I’ll make it for you.” Erin went in front of me and grabbed a cup from the cupboard.

“I’m sorry.” I said to Zeke, but he didn’t even hear me. While I was watching Erin he must have slipped back into his bed. I sighed and sat down on an empty couch. The machine beeped and Erin held a steaming hot cup of coco before me. I grabbed it and took a sip.

“Don’t put yourself down. It’s not your fault.” Not even my boyfriend could push out my guilt. I stared at my cup thinking how long will it take till my nightmare came true.

“I... I just wish this would stop. The dreams.” A shiver ran through my spine. I stared at the floor trying not to look in his eyes.

“I love you. It’s just something that happens.” He kissed my cheek. I didn’t look at him as I took another sip. The hot drink wouldn’t even warm me.

“You know that sooner or later this is going to get worse.” I whispered holding back tears. Erin kneeled down next to me so he could look me in the eyes. My head turned away.

“Just forget about it. If anyone says it’s a problem, they are wrong. I love everything about you, everything.” He said. I turned to him and looked him straight in the eye.

“Everything?” That was something I never thought anyone could agree to.

“Everything.” He was serious. I set down my cup and flung my arms around him.

“Why do you have to make me feel better?” I asked crying, again.

“You are what makes me feel better. Whenever I see you smile, I know I’m doing something right.” He held me closer. I pushed away and looked at him. Erin was smiling, and if their wasn’t some guy code against it, he would be crying too. We stood there and stared at each other.

“Hey guys, we’re nearing the next stop. Wake up.” Earl called from the front. I felt bad, I had already had done that. Erin kissed my cheek as he passed to wake up the others. I crossed my arms thinking. My thoughts were scrambled. What should I do? I was just standing there.

“Get up guys.” Erin shouted from the back. Grunts of protest followed. I turned and saw Brice and Ben stretching their arms in the air.

“Is it time?” Ben asked yawning. I walked to the back so I wouldn’t get in the way. My sheets were all over the floor. How did I miss this? I started to pick up the sheets. They were just piled up in a big lump and thrown in the closet. Too lazy to fold them. By the time I finished picking up the band had gathered up front. The tv was on and on the news. Erin turned to me and patted the empty spot next to him, but Brice walked over and sat there. I saw him shrug, so I went and leaned against the counter and watched the tv. The morning sun shone through the window. It made watching the tv hard and it hurt my eyes. The screen flashed and they starting talking about a plane crash in Wisconsin. I ran over to Zeke and stole the remote.

“Hey!” He yelled at me.

“I need to hear this.” I snapped at him turning up the volume. The reporter stood in front of the wreck that was still smoking and surrounded by firefighters.

“So far only five people have made it out alive but injured.” She said motioning around the crash. The screen flashed and they showed the survivors. I froze. My heart stopped and my hands turned clammy. Time seemed to stop.

“No.” I whispered. This couldn’t be true. Zeke noticed something was wrong. He put his hand on my shoulder, but I didn’t look  at him. I stumbled backwards.

“Erin, I think your girlfriend is having a seizure or something.” He turned to Erin. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Erin jump up, drop his phone, and rush over to me.

“What is it? Honey, sit down tell me! What happened?” He stood in front of me searching my face.

“What’s happening?!” Brice stood up and went around Erin. Zeke stood up too and moved toward the back. Erin sat me down.

“Babe, tell me.” He was desperate to know. Brice sat next to me, Ben and Zeke crowded around me.

“He’s there.” I whispered staring at the screen.

“Who?” Zeke asked. I kept staring at the tv they were still talking about the crash. The commentators were discussing it.

“The horrible crash has devastated many families. And somewhere in there is a love story also. A young man who survived the crash told us how he was coming back home for his fiance and had planned to surprise her.” One of the commentators told the cameras. They switched to an interview of the man. He seemed unharmed other than a broken leg. Erin put his hand on my shoulder.

“You know him don’t you?” He asked. I knew that he knew. He had seen him before back when I was just a fan.

“I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t make it out. She means everything to me. I... I love her. By now she probably knows I’m coming to see her.” He chuckled.

“So, who is this lucky girl?” A reporter asked. The young man smiled. His kind features and bright smile could charm any girl.

“Millie, her name is Millie Hoffman.” He answered. Everyone around me gasped. Brice stared at me in confusion. Erin stared at the floor making it hard to see his reaction.

“Wow.” Ben whistled. All I felt was shame.

“What just happened?” Zeke asked.

“Just leave it. Someone back home will break the news to him.” I told him and brushed it off. Erin still didn’t look at me.

“Well, that was weird. So, we have a concert tonight and set up starts the moment we get there. Let’s get moving.” Brice broke the silence and got us busy. I tried to clean up the kitchen type area while everyone else ran around making sure they had everything. Zeke was brushing his teeth, Brice was fiddling around with the set list, Ben was sorting out his beers, and Erin was putting on his hat and straightening out his clothes. We didn’t put on makeup or outfits until the stage was set up and we were ready. I felt the bus slow down and go over the bump. Out the window was a giant dome and a huge parking lot. We had made it there alive, or half at least. The guys were walking around, stretching, preparing, and I stood there looking out the window.

“Hey, aren’t you getting ready?” Ben walked up to me dreads now up in a ponytail.

“I think I might sit this one out.” I answered. He frowned and put his arm around my shoulders.

“Come on. Don’t be sad. You are coming tonight whether you like it or not.” He took his arm off my shoulders and stared at me.

“Fine, I guess I need it.” I smiled. Ben nodded his head, walked to the back, gave a high five to Zeke, and started to talk to him. I love these guys. Brice passed me and sat on the couch. Erin was in the back talking with Zeke and Ben.

“So, he’s still searching for you?” Brice asked. I turned to him and frowned.

“I guess. I’d hate to be the one who tells him.” The man on the tv was my ex, Chance. My ex fiance Chance that is. We had gone to a Darkrise concerts together many times. Meet and greets the whole package. He did anything to make me happy. I thought I loved him. When I won the Spend a Week with Darkrise contest everything changed. My dreams had come true. By then the band knew me pretty well from all the times I met them. Erin and I hit it off right away. At the end of the week we were in love. I went home, Chance told me he was moving to Seattle, I told him I’d stay home, and wait for him. Before I knew it there was a tour bus parked in my driveway. That was a year ago. It seemed like it happened just this morning.

“Well, if it helps any, I’m glad you ditched him to join us.” Brice stood up and patted my back.

“I’m glad too.” I told him. He smiled and went to join the guys in back. I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes. The bus stopped.

“We’re here!” Zeke ran up the bus yelling. I sighed and opened my eyes. One by one the band passed by me and out the bus. Erin stopped by the curtain and turned to look at me.

“Come on.” He held out his hand. I stood up and grabbed it, smiling. We walked out hand in hand.

Author's Note

May be a bit of grammar or spelling. Not too much though. I hope.