too late

She closed her eyes and he was there. Looming over her in an n ever mocking fashion. He knew this would happen to her. He had told her this would happen to her. She would be alone and she would be afraid. She would be afraid of being alone. She opened her eyes and the warm tears that had pummelled her eyelids now slid gracefully down the contours of her face. She stared down at the face that lay so emotionless on the white pillow. The figure of someone she had once known, had now become the stranger she wept for. How had things come to this? Was there no way of turning back time and making amends, ensuring that they never ended up this way? She sighed and the pain in her chest intensified with each breathe, as if punishing her for being alive. She wrapped her fingers around the cold digits of the still hand that lay against the sheets.
"I'm sorry."

He had always been there for her, up until the day she pushed him away violently. She could still recall the look on his face as she panted heavily with anger, his grey eyes a melody of confusion and hurt. He had not screamed, or cursed at her. All he did was drop his gaze and nod his head in a defeated manner. Then turned from her and walked away. Neither of them knew that her heart was still in his hands.
She had all she needed and he just didn't seem to be a necessity anymore. That's what the world around her had made her believe. She had been poisoned and she had allowed it, savouring the taste of the lies and deceit that poured down her throat. She was weakened by the eyes on her, by the power she wielded. He was there in the background, watching her fade into a monster. And yet, he held her hand when she knew no-one was looking and he kissed her skin when she knew they were alone. He loved her when she thought no-one could feel the way he did. She had stopped telling him she loved him, but he had whispered it to her every moment just before her hand left his, and in every moment he could.
She used to be his dream girl. Pretty, smart, kind and always laughing. He had worshipped the ground she walked on and praised everything about her. How could he not? She had walked into the room and left deep footprints in his life. Her pink dress had swayed about her slender thighs, revealing just enough to make him stop and stare. Her bare shoulders reflected the light of the overhead lamp and her golden hair ticked his imagination as he wondered what it would feel like against his skin. When she saw him and paused, his head started spinning and the world became fuzzy. When she walked away he followed and never left her to walk alone again. Until she ripped herself from his affection and forced him to let her stumble in the opposite direction on her own. He had wanted to follow her once more, but the ache that had settled within him demanded distance, and so he turned his back on her for the first time.
She shuddered as she placed her hand against his cold cheek. the soft rise and fall of his chest was all she had to keep from screaming at him and shaking his limp body to shock him back to her. She would tell him she was wrong and he was always right. She would creep back into his heart and never crawl out again. And she would tell him that she loved him, more than he had ever known, more than she could ever fathom. She never knew this was what it felt like to love someone so much it hurt. And she wanted to tell him that now she knew.

She walked into the same room and into a wall of reminiscence. Instinctively she turned to where she saw him the first time, and didn't know if she was disappointed or relieved to see that he wasn't standing there, his arms folded, that secret smile on his face that had caught her breath the first time. She pasted on a fake smile to cover the hollow feeling that had been haunting her ever since she had watched him disappear. She couldn't place the reason, she thought she would be better without him, clearly her world depicted that ending. And then she raised her eyes to see him in the doorway. He watched the people with a sadness in his gaze that she mirrored in her own. She covered it up with pride and conceit. He scanned the room and he saw her. He hesitated and then allowed himself to be dragged off by a faceless figure into the crowd. She felt her throat tighten and her heart beat faster. All she could see was the small hand of a stranger placed up against his chest. She didn't see his eyes on her or the way he dismissed the contact, ignoring the source completely. She turned and she ran

He found her outside on the wet grass. Her eyes were swollen but icy, her body was limp but filled with defiance. He tried to touch her but she flinched harshly and he withdrew his arm. He traced the line of her skin and he could almost the warmth of her body up against his. He closed his eyes and he could taste her, could feel her as he filled her and gave his everything to her, without taking a single thing back. He had never asked her to change, never told her that she had. He had loved her unconditionally. Even when she would move away from him whenever eyes turned their way, even when she would sigh in irritation when he softly kissed her neck and even when she told him that he was no longer good enough to be the object of her affection. He had loved her from the moment her scent had embraced him as he stood behind her in the crowded room, from the moment she turned around and her eyes showed him more than she would ever know. And he loved her now, even as she sat and loathed his very presence. He sat down beside her quietly and she looked in the other direction. Softly he whispered her name as he had so many times before, and she stirred. His finger caressed the angles of her shoulder and she trembled. He moved closer, until his breath was warm against her skin. She felt her resistance waver and her strength subside as her eyes fluttered closed at the sound of his voice.
"You will never be alone. Don't be afraid, I'll always be with you, just turn around."
But she never did. She stood up and walked away from his words. He knew her too well, knew her emotions before she even figured them out herself. How had he known that she was terrified of being without him? That she had regretted the day she had forced her mistakes and her own anger onto him? That she missed him, constantly searched for him?

She felt the cold chill of realisation seep through her. It was her own thoughts that had told her of her lonliness. She had forsaken herself. He had only ever offered himself as compensation and she had never accepted him. He stirred and she gazed down at him. What she would give to see those grey eyes staring at her again the way they used to. With all the love and promise she could ever ask for. His shut eyes now locked her out and he didn't know she had come looking for him. He wished she had run after him, forced him to love her despite the things she had said.

She shook with anger at the words she had spoken to him. He stood still, immobile and she felt her heart break. Behind her the sly smiles of the devils who had changed her and she hated them and she hated herself. He had never hurt her, never pushed her away, always pulled her closer and now she was telling him to get out of her life. What had he done? He walked away and she cried out for him, but the silence couldn't reach him and her pleas caught in her throat. She closed her eyes and she remembered him. She only prayed that she would forget.

He had been drinking. It seemed to soothe the edges that she left when she ripped herself from his life. Everyone was laughing, but he was mourning. And then she appeared as if she had come to answer his prayers. Who was the girl who had taken his hand and led him away from her sight. Who was the figure that ran her fingers across his chest and down his torso. She had touched his shoulder and stroked his neck and disgusted him. All he wanted was her and when he moved to pulled her into his arms, she was gone. He wouldn't let her go, he had told himself that. But when she ran from his final offering he knew that she would never fall into his embrace again. The speed was calming. The traffic was quiet and he owned the night. The noise in his ears drowned out the sound of her voice, the sound of her sobs as she tried to hide it from him, but he could feel her tears. The road was wet and the sky was dark. A mirror of his soul. He had nothing left and he felt nothing as the ground rose up to meet him. He was weightless as the gravel removed his helmet and his consciousness. She was the last thing he saw before the darkness engulfed him and he settled down into the nothingness.

She had gone back to find him, hoped he would still be there where she had left him, but he was gone. He must have thought that she didn't hear him as she walked away. Those three whispered words had made her stop and need him so much that nothing else mattered anymore. The last she saw of him was as he exited the door and she ran after him, but her own voice was too soft to call him back.

And now she saw him for who he was. The only person she had ever trusted enough to feel herself around. And she had pushed him to this. She willed him to open his eyes, to say her name so she could breathe again. She whispered to him over and over again the words he had longed to hear. She touched his skin and kissed his face and made promises she knew she would never break. Her tears fell bitter and too late. In a moment she was reduced to her knees, praying for the things she had already had, but had thrown away recklessly. She gazed at him with all the affection and hope she could muster, and he heart stopped. His eyes fluttered open and after a while focused on her. The look those grey orbs softened as she wept and smiled and clung to him with all she had. She bent down to him and whispered the sweetness seeping into his body and through his veins.
"I've found you love, you're never alone, I just never turned around."
She could swear she saw the faintest smile adourn his face and her world spun out of control. She was dizzy from the happiness that swelled within her. And in an instant her world came crashing down. The sound was deafening, ringing through the room and right through her. His eyes were closed and she was standing in the doorway. she was pushed further and further away. She had turned around and he had loved her so much it hurt, it hurt so much he let go and followed the darkness into the ending of their chapter. She fell against the wall her life a shattered misery. She couldn't breathe, not without him. Too late to run, too late to love. He had taken her with him. And so she followed, a lifeless rag on the sidewalk. Nothing without him, yet everything as she lay content in her own release.