angles

umm this is pretty okay i think

raven’s suicide note

this is for all the people who really cared for me i love you dearly, but i must move on from this world. i know it’s hard for you to understand why but all will make sense with time.

for my mother you are wonderful and beautiful and you need to know that and understand that. but i am not and i needed to just go and never come back. you always believed  in me and i in you. but i didn’t think i could go on like this i feel so alone inside. like i am empty and worthless  my soul is broken down i am not worth it.. i cry as i write this i feel as if i am finley not lying to everyone .it feels good

chapter 1

lost

crap my dad walked in i quickly hide my letter. “ hey dad was up”  i say happily  but he can see right through it he knows i was just crying moments ago. he pulls me into a big hug and says into my hair” i heard you crying and i decide  not  to let you cry alone anymore i miss my little girl” he holds me at arm's length and says” i love you kid if you ever need me come and get me ok” he kisses me on top  of my head and leaves with a wave.. i through my hands up and yell “ why would such a good god leave me here to suffer like this, why not let me just off myself already it apparent you don't love me just let me send myself to hell !”  i turn around and see a letter on my desk that says * i can’t let you die cause i love  with all my heart  and  i would be in trouble if you died and death does not want you yet

love zach*

“who the hell is zach, either i am crazy or i have someone else in my room listening to me complain. with is good i guess” i say out loud then my uncaring stepmother karen walks in and yells “ do i need to take you punk a*s to the hospital again cause you sound like a f*****g freak.” i walked over and pushed her out the door and locked it. when i got back there was more written it said

* nice one you didn't fight back your doing good. and i am always here for you i hope you know that and soon you will find out who i am but not now sorry.. and you don't have to yell for me to hear you i am in the room with you i am sitting on your bean bag chair and please don't come over and try to see me it wont work . remember you so pretty and your loved and people would cry if you died. and i have been with you through it all ,even that one time....and i will reply to almost all of your questions when the chance comes again.

love your ga

zach

“ ga what's that?” i waited he apparently was not going to answer. i looked back at the paper his handwriting was so perfect i am jealous . i get up and walk over and lay down on my bed and think back to the time when i was thirteen and i had to lay in my bed with only underwear on to keep my fever down and think s**t he's probably seen that what a b***h.

chapter two

zach

it has been three  months since zach talked to me and i was missing his company. but he said he would talk to me again. but i have not stopped talking to him at all when i am at school and can't talk aloud i write letters to him and leave them on my desk i hope he reads them they are a lot less random than my babble i talk in.

i finally got to see the new guy and is like way super hot and come to think about hes in all my classes. and his name is zach. thats wierd and right after school hes like gone, which is really weird but i cut so you can't get weirder than that so whatever

when i get home there is a letter for me and it says

* hello sorry i took me so long i have been trying to get enrolled in your school. i know that sounds weird but i have been i am the new kid.the one you think is really hot yeah him, and i did read all the letters and i have listened to you babble which is not mindless at all... and don't be afraid to talk to me ok remember this may seem weird to  you now but i do love you. and if you want a hug ask cause i know today was rough

love

zach*

omg he is just the best!” i really could go for a hug” i say halfway expecting not to get a hug when all the sudden he was there with arms wide open smiling and i happily stepped into his embrace. he held me close for a while and i breathed in his scent he smelled so wonderful i could stay here forever and then held me at arm's length and said  ”hello are you glad to see me?” i looked up and up and smiled back and said “ yea i am, i have not been so happy since you wrote me last.” he coked his head to one side and looked off into space and grabbed my hand and pulled me down next to him on my giant bean bag. wrapped his arm around my shoulder and held me tight. he whispered in my ear how he would never truly let me go and i am safe with him.. i look up and meet his eyes and touch his face but only for a second the i pull my hand back and look away. he touches the side of my face and i look back at him and he gives me an odd look and touches his forehead to mine and gets so close to kissing me then all the sudden he pulls away and just simply bring me close to his chest and tells himself that he's not allowed to kiss me. i pull away and put a finger to his lips and and say” i never said you could not kiss me” he looks at me for a second while thinking about something all of the sudden brings his lips to mine and i in twine my fingers behind his head so it gives a few more seconds before he pulls away.. he holds the sides of my face deepens the kiss and i am so lost in it that don't notice that my dad walked in and he doesn't notice either and he walked over grabbed zach by the back of his shirt and me by mine shakes his head smiling and says” wow how come i did not know you had a boyfriend. zach and i share a look of shock and pull away he gets up waves bye to me and my father and walks out the front door. i look at my dad and yell” why did you have to walk in at all” he looks at me and simply says “cause i am your father” and walks out. a few minutes later zach is back and he has me stood up and he is finishing the kiss in only a matter of seconds . when he is done i am panting and so is he and he whispers  “ i love you i will see you at school tomorrow well i will see you for the rest of your life but you’ll see me” with one more quick peck on the cheek he’s gone.

chapter 3

the bad boy

another new boy? really! i am walking down the hall with zach and he suddenly turns around pulling behind him and i peek around him and there is there is the new boy. he’s as hot as zach. i step out from around him and he gives me this look of what the f**k are you doing! the new guy stares at me watching every move i make he holds out his hand give zach a look and say to me “ hello my name is luce, its very nice to meet you you're the first person to even acknowledge i am alive” i take his hand and say “ my name is raven,and i am shocked about that you seem nice enough”  he chuckles and grins shakes his head and takes my hand kisses it give zach an odd look and walks away. i look up at zach who looks pissed and worried and i take his face in my hands and say” he does not seem that bad and really i don't think he like you either” i get up on the tip of my toes and kiss his cheek. he takes my hand and we run to the next class.

chapter 4

him

my dad left me with the step mother i kept my door locked all the time and zach wouldn’t talk to me at all even at school he would hold my hand and and kiss my cheek and say one thing he would hold me and say he loved me then be gone. i missed him and this luce kid was kinda out there and when zach stopped coming to school  i decided i  would talk to him. i found him standing by my locker and the first thing he said was...” where is your zach?”  “ i am almost missing him” i gave him a shocked look and said “ well he stopped talking after you showed up and then just stopped coming one day” “ i miss him wait how did you know his name!?”  he chuckled and smiling said “ he conned me after school and told me to stay away from you and that if i laid a hand on you he would beat the s**t out of me.”  would he really say that? i turned and looked at him fighting back tears and said “ did he really say that?’”  i didn't know that i had started to cry until luce brushed a tear off my cheek with his finger his eyes soft .  “ i  will go here’s  my number if you need me just call ok” as he said it he scribbled  his number on my hand and walked away.

that night i screamed my full heart out and cried. that's when he showed himself. he moved to hug me and i slapped him as hard as i could and ran to my corner and sat down crying. he plopped down in my bean bag chair and said “ i am so sorry i acted like that it was wrong of me and i love you and i shouldn't have-” i had gotten up and kissed him. he wrapped me up in his arms and we kissed for a while then he pulled away and and started to speak i put my finger to his lips and i tugged him into bed with me and said “i have one request”  he whispered in my ear “ and what would that be”  i turned around and cuddled up next to him and said” that you're here when i wake up in the morning” he kissed my head and nodded.

chapter 5

warm arms

i slept the best i had in weeks and when i woke up was there smiling down at me. i looked up at him and whispered “ you stayed with me all night..zach i love you you're the best.” he smiled and kissed me and held me close and murmured  how much he loved me and how he would never leave me. like two hours of just cuddling i asked he was hungry  he said he could go for eggs. so we got up and i make a gourmet breakfast of toast and eggs. we ate and he popped the question “ this may seem weird but i have to know if you would ever have umm sex?” i just did not know what say i stared at him.  i said “ well umm one day i never really planned on like when but ok i am willing yes”  he got a big grin and picked me up and spun in a circle and kissed me deeply.

by the end of the day i was lying naked beside him curled up next to him and he was holding me. i have never been happier we had done it. and i was lost in the moment. i knew then that he would never let me go and i would never lose him.

chapter six

alone in the light

i  felt alone zach said he would see me again soon and that he was in trouble and if i need to i should call that luce kid. i asked him why he was in trouble but he would not tell  me , and i missed him. i did get ahold of luce and he said he would drop by.

luce was finally here and you would never guess who he brought to my doorstep, zach. i looked up at the two boys zach looked pale and tired and luce look bored. i looked to zach and back at luce and waved them in,and for some reason zach was not willing to come in my house. and it was pissing me off and it was raining so i told him” fine your dumbass can stay out here in the rain or you come come in here to the warmth and dryness” he gave me a look and walked in. i wanted to give him a hug, he looked so scared.and i loved him i just wanted to touch him so i did i reached out and took his hand and flinched and i wanted to cry i instantly let go of him and stepped away. luce looked down at me and asked the best question in the world  “ do you want me to take him back to his house?” i looked up at him i could have hugged him “ yea thanks “ i said not sure what else to say, i looked over at zach who looked petrified, “ why do you look as if you're going let your knees give out “ he looked at me like how could you tell then luce grabbed him by the shoulder and dragged him back out into the rain. i ran up to my room throw myself onto my bed and cried i cried until luce came back. when a answered the door i instantly got a hug and he held me out in front of him and wiped my tears away and held me for a moment then asked “ are you ok did he hurt you  

“No never he would never hurt me!” i was basically screaming. He grabed my hands “ my god would you not scream” He eyes blazed. He was so mad it was horrible. “ You should go you don’t need to stay, i will be fine” He looked anoyied my entire exsistenc at that moment it made me want to punch him. “just go away!” I slamed the door and ran off to my room. When i got in i noticed zack was laying curled up into a ball shaking in bed.

“ oh, zach my god are you ok” i said as i sat on the bed next to him. his shirt was covered in blood on the back. I don’t even know what to do. I ran my fingures through his hair for hours telling him that i loved him and that he would be fine and he was safe with me.

Around one in the morning he finley stopped shaking enough that he didn’t look like he was cezing. Zach turned his head to look up at me. “ In reality i am not safe with you” His voice was weak and he sounded as tired as he looked. “what do you mean, i wouldn’t hurt you...on purpose” He roled his eyes “that’s it you will never do it on purpose I already got hurt because of you not you hurting me directly” Zach sounded annoyied and well just plain out right mad.