The Misadventure of Craigyson Reedybear and The Deviant Known As Slobber Tooth

He came in one day and told us about him slipping on his dogs slobber and loosing his barbecue sandwiches. This is how I envisioned the story.

 

The

Misadventure of

Craigyson Reedybear

And The Deviant Known As

Slobber Tooth

 

 

 

 

            Craigyson sniffed the air and smiled as his nostrils received a tantalizing tickle from the delicious barbecue’s aroma. The most premium of exotic pork, Kurobuta, was carefully mixed with his favorite Kick Yo A*s Sammich Sauce!^TM. Sparkles danced their carefree dance in his eyes and saliva began to slowly collect in the corners of his smile. The bread, oh so soft, fluffy and delicious was handmade by grandma just an hour before and was still warm from the oven. 

Craigyson had had a long day, what with sitting in class all morning staring at the cute blonde in front of him, thinking thoughts that would make his poor mother blush. Then with no time to rest, it was straight to work where he had to sit for four whole, backbreaking hours in a leather computer chair looking at his myspace. He was glad to be home, finally done with his exhausting day. Only minutes ago he had smoked a special leaf that helped to ease the tension of such daily stresses, the only down side was that it made Craigyson one hungry fella! Good thing he had his barbecue!

Six, count them, six whole pieces of fresh, warm homemade bread were laid evenly on the counter. Craigyson took his favorite light-up Power Rangers fork and scooped a nice, generous helping of the delectable, heavenly meat on three pieces and capped them with the remaining three pieces followed by a cute little toothpick umbrella (that Craigyson sure has flare!). His poor throat was terribly parched, but that calcium craving Craigyson knew just how to remedy such a quagmire... ahh the wonder that is milk! Craigyson removed from the cabinet his tall 22 oz. glass that had Reedster The Speedster etched into it, and filled in damn near to its brim with the white, creamy substance. He was ready for a nice relaxing, delicious, comatose night in front of the old b**b tube. But someone else had quite a different plan...

The deviant known as Slobber Tooth was to have her sweet revenge on that nasty little Craigyson. She wasn’t always a deviant though mind you. For you see, that morning like many a morning, Slobber Tooth performed her duties with unconditional diligence. 

*****

She came in to his room and barked “Wake up fool! Dem b*****s ain’t gonna drool over themselves you know. Time to get your sad, sorry a*s to class!”

 But was Craigyson grateful for her making sure he wasn’t late? Ohhh no, what did he say? 

“F*****g Christ! Shut the hell up! What the f**k! And get off the bed, dumbass.”

Reeeaaaal smooth Craigyson, reeaal smooth. And after that piece of work got himself tackily dressed, poor old Slobber Tooth stood patiently by the door waiting for Craigyson to take her out. But noooo, Craigyson’s lazy a*s had to sleep that extra twenty minutes and didn’t have the time to help a friend out. Not only that, but do you know what this lousy lump left her to eat? Some damn dried up a*s, nasty nuggets of s**t that came from a bag with some d********g looking dog with his hair blowin' in the wind on it. And now this mother f****r wants to come home and stick all those incredibly delicious sandwiches in his goofy little face while she lies on his crusty a*s floor and holds her pee all damn night chewing on s**t nuggets! Well damn that!  This night was going to be different, this night Slobber Tooth was to earn the title of deviant...

Slobber Tooth slipped off quietly while Craigyson drooled over his barbecue and milk and set on the task of creating some drool of her own. She worked at it for a good fifteen minutes while he was busy with his food and then hunkered down in the shadows to watch her deviant plan unfold.

*****

Craigyson loaded his deliciously, mouthwatering sandwiches on a plate and grabbed his tall glass of milk and headed out of the kitchen to enjoy his exquisite dinner upstairs in his room. As he rounded the corner, he leapt excitedly onto the first step... big mistake... His barefoot smacked right dead center into a warm, slick pool of slobber. 

 

 

Craigyson’s arms flew immediately into evasive action from the onslaught of an advancing floor. Milk and pork slammed together in an explosive display above his head as his backside crashed with a thunderous KABOOM against the floor.  He could only watch helplessly as his once beautiful meal finished its sloppy redecoration of his walls and carpet. The fruits of his labor, the delicious pork, the cold, quenching milk, the promise of a wonderful night, all lay scattered and soggy upon his carpet. Craigyson could not hold it back anymore and began to weep, as he shouted “woe is me! Woe is me...”

But not to worry Craigyson, there are plenty if s**t nuggets left, and I’m sure that good old Slobber Tooth won’t mind helping you get rid of all that unwanted pork.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moral: Be nice to your f*****g dog jerk a*s!

Author's Note

Might not be as relatable as Grumbleybuns, but he atleast definately enjoyed it! Oh and he really is nice to his dog ;) ha ha