The Story Of Matt Runion and The Day He Became: Bratt "Grumbleybuns" Bunion as seen through the eyes of That Real Annoying Guy

One of my co-workers was in a bad mood today and I thought it was funny. So I decided to write a fictional story about it. Enjoy!

 

The Story Of

Matt Runion

And

The Day He Became:

Bratt “Grumbleybuns” Bunion

As Seen Through the Eyes of That Real Annoying Guy

 

 

 

 

 

            When I arrived at work all seemed normal and going as usual. The sillies were running around performing their duties as always. But something was off with Mr. Matt.  He seemed in a particularly foul mood; well, more foul than usual anyway. At this point I still had not had breakfast yet, so I left the situation alone and headed next door.  I got myself a nice crusty a*s breakfast thingy and some liquid crack (can’t be That Real Annoying Guy as well without it). When I returned, there were several vehicles in line waiting to be cleaned (a busy day always makes my job as That Real Annoying Guy easier). All the customers seemed to be wearing impatient frowns and saying things that sounded kinda like “razzinfrazzin shmizzle shmazzin frick fracking JUST CLEAN IT INSIDE AND OUT DAMNIT!”

            Good old’ Matt had his best ear-to-ear smile on and courteously explained how it works and solved the dilemma of their carwash decision nightmares. But I could tell that his already sour mood was starting sag and droop more and more.  Kind of like a diaper in a kiddy pool. 

            “Hey Matt!” I shouted. He raised his head with a look of extreme disinterest and said.

            “What”. I could tell by his tone he already knew I was on a mission that day: annoy the living s**t out of poor old Mattybucks. So I began with a beautiful song in the key of happiness (that always makes him flip his wig).

             ~Happy happy Matty Matt~Singy songy Matty Matt~Smile bright and cheery Matt~For today you look so queery Matt~Ha ha ha~Ha ha ha~What a jokey jokey Matt~Please put down that baseball bat!~

            Success! Though he did have a smile for a split second that he tried to hide, he simply looked at me and said: “What the f**k is wrong with you... honestly.”

            My fiendish plot was off to a wonderful start! But little did I know that little old Matt was capable of becoming (cue dramatic music)... Bratt Bratt Bratt“Grumbleybuns” Bunion nion nion...

            The filth would fly from his mouth, viciously smacking the earholes of all with its foulness.  Even the innocent were not spared. And in between his fits of foulness grumbles would spew from his face like hot lava oozing before the explosion. His feet would stomp! His arms would flail! His teeth gnash! The elderly would gasp and small children would cry! Even that Craig guy would let out a blood curdling squeal of terror! 

            It had all gotten out of hand when Matt was bent over cleaning and mumbling obscenities to himself about the stupidity of others. An opportunity that I just could not pass up. I began to jab at his sides and sing obnoxiously and he jerked and jumped. What A sight! After several seconds of non-stop singing and jabbing it happened...

            Matt spun around with an awkward but swift twist and let out a thunderous “RARR BITCHES!”

            I knew in that instant that I had crossed the line. He had morphed into the hideous Grumbleybuns in the blink of an eye and was hell bent on the destruction of all “BITCHES!” And I, as That Real Annoying Guy, was at the top of his B*****s to Thump list. I had to do something and quick! Lullaby! I thought. I shall put this beast to sleep with an enchanting version of Daddies Gonna Buy You A Mockingbird rapped to the beat of Sir-Mix-Alot’s, Baby Got Back. So out of thin air I produced a boom box and began my rap. As shocking as this may sound to you, it didn’t work. In fact it only fed his rage. I was quite flabbergasted by the whole ordeal. How could this fine young man turn into such an innocence devouring, obscenity flinging, man-beast?! 

            Reinforcements, I need some reinforcements. I searched the world (or at least the whole carwash) for the right person. Who was going to be able to handle this flailing ball of rage? Then I saw her. She was skipping merrily across the lot with a pack of cigarettes, a bottle of whiskey, and a pretty smile. Perfect! I ran as fast as I could, even though she was only about five steps away, I had no time to waste. 

            I stopped before her and screamed “Come quick you unsettlingly cheery woman from the dark side!”

            And before she could answer I grabbed her hand and whisked her off into (cue dramatic music again) the DANGER ZONE!

            All it took was one look for her to assess the situation and divine her method of intervention. She calmly walked up, jabbed her cigarette in his mouth, handed him her bottle, blew him a kiss, and shot him the WINK OF DESTRUCTION!

            Grumbleybuns instantly became, Matt “Giddy Cheeks” Runion. Once again, victory was mine! The beast was tamed and was now a giddy little boy. The unsettlingly cheery woman from the dark side went about her way, the customers went back their confused state of complaint and impatience and all was back to normal. The day ended without any more mishaps and everyone left for the day in an almost decent mood...

 

 

 

            But there’s always tomorrow MUAH HA HA HA HA HA! 

           

 

             

 

RARR BITCHES!

Author's Note

This was just for fun. Any comments are welcome!

Reviews

[charlotte talley]

yea, this part of the story was good. I'm glad Matt finally realized that he needed to get over his what ever he was going through. The beast.

[summer*ingshadow]

Wonderful story! You have really brought a funny incident from your own life refreshingly alive to anyone who happens to read this story...and it is infused with a whimsical sense of humor and a spirited authorial voice. Great job! :)

[Dezaraye]

This is hysterical. You had me rolling! I love the light tone of this piece.

[chris' girlfriend]

wow HAHHA ^_^
that was funny :P RaRr B*****S ^_^ lol that made my day
♥