[untitled]

Chap1

The day is 16^th of February, the year 1865, and the setting is a dank public house on the edges of Blyth in the North of England ,The pub sits by the sea and its as if it were a tree with the roots drowned and the once healthy bark moulded and crusted with the decay of time. Of course the bark being the chiselled grey paint peeling back from the walls, almost with distaste.

The inside is, of course, no better to look at. With nicotine stains making patterns on the off white ceiling and along the top panels of once creamy wallpaper, the dirt incrusted floor would have once been light oak panelling the same colour of the tables and chairs. The only thing that looked at all well kept was the oak effect bar with a stone sculpture of the head and shoulders of a man which hinted at his grandeur with meticulously carved chains and pendants hanging on his stone neck.

The pub was empty but for a few merchants and Navy sailors lounging at the bar or playing cards, in the corner a hooded figure sat cloaked and waiting, judging by the build and the arch of their shoulders this was a woman, she had been sitting there for hours now unmoving staring at the uninteresting and frankly grungy floor. A man in the corner had been discussing her to his unmoved companion. “Yes well I think its terrible, I do, a woman in a pub unaccompanied” He said glancing at her again like he had so many times before. His companion glanced too, his eyes slanting and his mouth leering.

“Yeah? Well I think she deserves what she gets. All woman are the same Francin, stupid, only good for one thing” With an unsettling chuckle he continued to leer at her.

Francin knew many men around here thought that a woman was nothing but a body, a play toy even, but whenever he thought about that it made him wince, he imagined his mother walking home from his aunts house late at night in the dark and a group of men circling her, advancing slowly their faces resembling his friend Palins as it was now, he shuddered, but Palin was to absorbed in his own thoughts to notice. Friends he thought, ha that was using the term loosely.

“Another beer lad?” Said Palin finally having stopped thinking his vilely explicit thoughts.

“Nah mate, answered Francin, ”I’m spent for this evening, I’m off up the way to bid my bed a fated reunion.”

Palin snickered half at the joke and half in mockery of the young mans head for alcohol “Off you go, back to your mam” It would have been a lie to say he was not thinking of his beloved mother as he set off from the dreary building.

By the time the wizened old landlord, nearly as un-kept as his establishment, was calling last orders it was only the mysterious woman and a drunken Palin left, The woman got to her feet abruptly and left with a whirl of her cloak around the heavy oaken doors, not unnoticed by the drunken oaf staggering to follow, his mouth curved into a malicious grin. He was drunk warm and happy, only one desire was left unfed, he wanted a woman right now and although he had money, the w***e houses gave him little satisfaction, he wanted an unwilling young maiden who would scream her protests and try in her week womanly ways to fend him off, afterwards he would listen to her sob and claim a job well done. He hurried out into the cold night air cursing its bitterness but welcoming the feeling it brought to his limbs, yes he thought I am powerful, no one can touch me.

He made it outside in time see the woman’s cloak whipping round another corner, he advanced after her, when he turned the corner she was walking along slowly humming softly to herself, she sounded young , his smile grew wider, he stepped as stealthily as he could in his emancipated state. He knew where they were but she did not appear to. At the end of this road was a T shape and he chuckled quietly as she turned down the left side, a dead end. He jogged up the road and around the corner after her.

“Hey Dear!? Hello? He called out in a honey sweet voice, “are you lost?”

As the woman turned the hood slipped over her glossy black hair and he gasped, she was stunningly beautiful all eyes and lips, he couldn’t make her out clearly enough so he stepped forward a few paces.

“Yes” She said in a voice comparable to sweet bird song , he stared at her blankly for a few seconds and then came to his senses. Ah he thought a little more fun than I imagined tonight. “Where are you headed?” He asked trying to look trustworthy. “Nowhere” She said and he rejoiced again at her voice and how lucky he’d been, then her words sank in, Nowhere? Was this s**t nuts he thought , there was an asylum a few miles south but this offer was just to good to pass up. “What do you mean nowhere” He said with a hesitant laugh. “Nowhere you can take me” She said in her musical sweetness voice. She smiled a wide smile and he gasped again, not from awe this time but from sheer panic, her teeth roused something akin to horror in him and he took a clumsy step backward. In that second it took him to lift his foot she was on him.

She grabbed his collar and thrust him so hard against the wall she heard his ribs protecting his heart shatter in her grip. She laughed at the mixed expression of first anger then only fear and pain. Yes fear and pain that’s what his aim for tonight had been, only not for him, well now he would know his mistake, pity he wouldn’t live to change his ways. She laughed again and the when her amusement subsided she slid him down the wall so that her eyes were level with his. “Fear and Pain” She said “Remember that Palin”

“I-I w-” But before he had the chance to repent for his sins long pointed teeth slid into his neck as easily as it were sponge and she drained the very life from him in long dragging movements.

“RAINY WHAT THE HELL!!” Came an angry shout from behind. “I’ve been looking everywhere.”

The woman now known as Rainy cursed under her breath and with one jerk of her hand threw the lifeless corpse of Palin crashing into the wall with such force that if any blood had been left In the man it would now have been eking from his broken skull.

“Yes Hailon, She said with a sigh. “What is it?” The man stepped out of the shadows and she regarded him silently, he was very tall, easily 6ft, with shoulder length blonde hair smoothed back around his slightly pointed ears, his skin the colour of snow and his eyes red as fire, if he had the thirst for any human woman they would come willingly just as that stupid chauvinistic blood sack had, she knew this from experience, Hailon had been with her from when she had been born, into vampirism that is, ah how log ago that had been now. “Rainy!” he snapped her out of her thoughts. She sighed again and raised her eyebrows questioningly. Now it was his turn to sigh. “Rainy where have you been the meet started hours ago!” He cast his gaze over the dead man in the corner and rolled his eyes “Tasty, was he, you know you needed to be there, the elders are furious” He halted as he saw the look of fear cross her heavenly face. Dear god he thought even for a vampyre she was stunning.

Her face went from fearful to murderous and she half whispered “What did you tell them?”

“I told them the truth.” He replied almost as quietly.

“Which is?” She asked with an accusatory stare

He halted for half a second which would not have been noticed by a human, but Rainy noticed, “The truth” He said “I didn’t know.”

A low snarl escaped her lips, Hailon stepped closer and reached out a hand to her shoulder. “Touch me.” She said low and menacing “And I’ll bite that hand of.”

Hailon chuckled but removed his hand none the less. “Always so angry he said” And looked deep into her blood red eyes. She held his gaze for what seemed an age and then finally averted her gaze.

He chuckled and offered his proffered arm. “Shall we?” He asked lightly. She looked at his arm in disgust and stormed ahead and again he chuckled and made to follow.

The pair walked half way across the city which would have taken an average human around two hours, but took them less than half, even though they fought with themselves to stay at an unthreatening pace, had an ordinary person glimpsed them through the cover of darkness they would only have seen two dark blur flitting through the streets. It bothered Rainy to slow herself, even though she knew it was for her own and her kinds personal well being, it still bothered her.

The pair stopped suddenly at an old theatre building, which like the pub had been tarnished with age, although the seemingly abandoned building had an aura of once being a enchanting and colourful pastime to many a wealthy aristocrat, “How things have changed.” Said Hailon with a reminiscent gleam in his expressive ruby eyes.

“I know.” Said Rainy quietly gazing at the large building. “But….. Sometimes for the better maybe?” She said it as a question but did not wait for an answer and Hailon did not offer one. As one they climbed the stone steps leading to the large dark double doors, and with a last glace to see there was no-one to observe they entered.

Reviews

[Wolfwind Words]

This has an dark intriguing feeling to it. I like the way it flows. I love the character names..very original!

There was only one thing you might give some consideration to change....

"She held his gaze for what seemed an age and then finally averted her gaze."

You use the word "Gaze twice in close proximity. Might work a little better if you could find a different word to replace one of the "Gaze's" with.

Over all I think it's a wonderful start!

Aaron Maycroft

[Gathering_Stars]

This is a pretty good start for an interesting story. There were a few things that didn't really grab me. The first line wasn't really that creative, and when you're writing what's going to be a decent sized story if the first line isn't spectacular, a lot of people will set it down right there. I also didn't like some of the personal additives, such as the narrator saying "of course" in the middle of the sentence. It didn't really do anything for me.

That being said your power of description is readily apparent, your plot line captivating, and overall it's pretty good.

[rastadudette]

Erm.... Not quite sure how to edit an existing piece. "She held his eyes for what seemed an age and then finally averted her gaze"

[Hayame]

Keep up the good work.