As it stands this is a nice poem but I think it could be so much richer. While I like the repetition in this poem and the triplets and short lines work well, I think it would be even stronger if it was a little shorter. Perhaps five stanzas - less being more. For example
Let me live...
in every emotion
I feel for you.
And
Let me live...
By this love
I have for you.
Are very similar in what they express. Moreover, the concrete detail you give the poem in being able to hear every love song is nice. Perhaps if you were to play with the senses a little more the sight, sound, taste, touch, and scent, associated with the loved one. For example, your hand in mine would be nice if it was to focus on that sense of touch. Of course these are just my ideas to take or leave as you so choose.
I enjoyed the short stanza and the repetition; it really works well to get your point across. As for the rest of the poem I really enjoyed it! Great job!
As it stands this is a nice poem but I think it could be so much richer. While I like the repetition in this poem and the triplets and short lines work well, I think it would be even stronger if it was a little shorter. Perhaps five stanzas - less being more. For example
Let me live...
in every emotion
I feel for you.
And
Let me live...
By this love
I have for you.
Are very similar in what they express. Moreover, the concrete detail you give the poem in being able to hear every love song is nice. Perhaps if you were to play with the senses a little more the sight, sound, taste, touch, and scent, associated with the loved one. For example, your hand in mine would be nice if it was to focus on that sense of touch. Of course these are just my ideas to take or leave as you so choose.
I'm simple,cool and amicable.I read literally pieces,particularly in poetry,also writing when I'm on the mode. I love to sing and dance.Love and pop genre are my favorite music.I'm fond in garde.. more..