2300 miles

I wrote this when I was waiting for a ride and it helps detail some thought fears and feelings about moving cross country for I believe was a calling from God

To move and Leave all for my calling
Has Left me Lonely in hell and crawling
I feel deep in my soul that what I have done is right
But now I sit here in my own prison of insecurity, separation and fright
I begin to doubt the reasons for this I have done
But I strive to keep my faith that the reason are for my Lord the only and one
Confusion and isolation is what I have come to feel
Is this his way of tempering me into a sword of steel
I begin to question my motives and reasons
Although my heart, unlike time, does not change its seasons
I stay stuck in the twilight of the seasons waiting for the winter chill
Zapping me, draining me and stalking me just waiting for the kill
I wish I could dance and frolic like the child I once was
And live each day in the moment with complete and abandon and without pause
Its hard to blame anyone for this cell I have come to be locked in
The walls cold, hard and grey with the bars so thin
 reach out to gain control and healthy love
But I can only seem to send up the white flag or the surrender dove
I wonder why of all the other qualified people out there he picked me
The bad one, the weak one, that twists everything he sees
I don't know if I can do this job he has given me or why
Even though I want to give up and die
All I know I keep floundering and falling forward
To this enigmatic goal I keep pressing and moving toward
Someday I may get it right
With all my twisted and terrified thoughts I still some how keep the goal in sight