Dull

chapter one. It's an introductory chapter.

High school. It's supposed to be the best four years of your life. My mother told me it would be the place where I would find myself. I don't quite understand that. Finding yourself. How is one lost? If one could even be lost, I wouldn't believe that I am. I know my name, my age, and where I am. Isn't that good enough? My mom likes to talk about things like they are all dandy and fine. Maybe they are. I wouldn't know. The only time I leave my house is for school and extracurricular activities. I don't have any friends and I'm nowhere close to having a boyfriend. My mom says I'm a cynic. I would like to say that I have a realistic perspective of life. But how would I know what life is like? I have yet to experience it for myself. 

She wants me to go to an Ivy League school. So then I could be perfect like my older sister who has graduated from Stanford and has a degree in Law. Dad loves her. So does mom. I'm just the kid who can never measure up. Stephanie was always perfect. She was valedictorian and always volunteered after school. She had plenty of friends and not a moment of her life was dull. But that's exactly how my life is. Dull, boring, pointless, and most of all safe. Since my mom thinks I'm a rebellious teenage disaster just waiting to happen, I never get to go anywhere. I wake up, go to school, go to some sort of a meeting, come home, get lectured, have piano practice, eat dinner, work on homework, take a shower, and then go to bed. And on the weekends, I hide in my room and pretend to study. But my mom justifies it and says that I'm safe. Okay whatever Mom. 

My dad is a doctor and he is always off helping patients and prescribing medications. He loves what he does. Once in awhile I see him and he's talking about his job or something wonderful that Stephanie did. My mom is a Registered Nurse. She also loves what she does, but she's exhausted all the time. She's usually so tired that she falls asleep on the couch the minute she gets home. So when I get home from school, I nudge her. "Mom it's time to wake up." She rolls her eyes at me and I go to my room. Today is Monday so I don't have to go to piano practice. Thank god. I love music, but my instructor is brutal at times. Sometimes I wish I could be emancipated or something already. I walk in my room and I close my door. Ah, alone time. Just the thing I've been waiting for. I grab my pajama pants and put them on. My bed, which is covered with a ridiculously girly colored pink comforter, seems really ideal. I roll up in my blankets and I lay there for a little bit. 

In less than twenty minutes, my mom knocks the door down. "Rachel, what have I told you about laying in your bed all the time?"

I groan "Don't complain about not having a social life if you're just going to lay in bed. If you want to make friends you need to become an enjoyable person. Blah Blah Blah."

"Don't blah blah blah me." She says. "If you're not happy with your life, it's not my fault. Your father and I are trying to do the best that we can for you. You have a nice room, and nice clothes, and good food every night. Also I try to give you every opportunity to succeed. Why can't you be grateful like your sister?" 

"I'm not my sister mom! I'm not Stephanie Moore! I'm Rachel Moore. I'm not insanely smart and I'm not caring and grateful and charitable. I'm not little miss perfect either. And sometimes I think that I don't even want to go to college."

"Just listen to you young lady! Maybe if you believed in yourself you would see your potential and try harder in life. And how dare you say that you don't want to go to college? Your father and I work almost everyday so our children can have the finest things in life and this is the thanks we get. Maybe we'll call off the vacation to New York if this is how you're going to treat me!"

"I do believe in myself. I'm just not the person that you guys expect me to be! And maybe I don't want to go to college." This was true. I just wanted to move as far away as I could. "And how could you cancel the trip to New York. That's all I've been looking forward to?" My mom was done with me. I could tell that she was fed up, but I didn't understand why. I just wanted to be myself. No, that wasn't good enough for her. She would've given anything for me to be like my sister. Maybe that's why she's upset all the time. Stephanie hasn't been home for well over a month. And that just leaves me and her, with the occasional visit from dad once in awhile. My mom slams the door as she says a few more things which she thinks will benefit me somehow. I sit there and wonder how I ended up in a family of geniuses. I was smart but I was nowhere as near as smart as Stephanie or my mom.. and definitely not my dad. I sighed and the minutes slowly ticked by that night.