The Girl from the Gap

The Girl from the Gap

A Poem by Raj Sahu
"

The poet warns the readers against this heinous phantom.

"

She stares
from the hellish dark
beneath the chair
longing to
tear apart
whosoever stare.

Beware!
She's there
looking through
black edge
like a lurid lion
she waits for you.

Don't cast your eye
upon her
O my friend!
Unless you desire
to taste the
hotness of the hellish land.

© 2018 Raj Sahu


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I think there's a lot of story here that never made it to the page. And because the part that didn't is in your head it makes perfect sense as you read. But that, and your intent, never make it to the page, and the reader, unlike you, must make do with what the words suggest to them, based on their background, not yours. So from a reader's viewpoint there are addressable issues:

• She stares from the hellish dark

She? Any particular she? She must be pretty small to fit beneath a chair that has a cover making it dark there.

And: why is the darkness under this unknown chair "hellish while the rest of the place isn't?" If I don't know that how can I even guess at WHY she's staring, and at what?

• longing for tear apart whosoever stare.

Honestly, no matter how I parse this it makes no sense. Especially, given that the "she" you're talking about is the one staring. I'd suggest taking more time to edit before releasing your words into the wild, and editing from the viewpoint of a reader who knows only what the words suggest to them.

Sorry.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

For chair, the Girl from the Gap lives under furniture, bed or gaps. I wrote chair because while com.. read more
Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

I wrote in the short description above that author warns the readers against the heinous phantom. So.. read more
JayG

6 Years Ago

•"I wrote in the short description above that author warns the readers against the heinous phantom.. read more



Reviews

Well written tale of fear, and paranoia. Creepy! Perhaps, elaborate on the hellish dark place that she lies in wait.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you so much!
A very evocative piece, Raj. I like it a lot. The imagery is very strong.

Just a couple of typos.
'longing for' should be 'longing to"
and
'she wait for you.' should be 'she waits for you.'

Good work, my friend.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you very much for your constructive review! I appreciate it!
The Iron Horseman

6 Years Ago

You are very welcome.
Hi Raj. great poem you have written here my friend, Great images you have painted here with your scary words. You wrote this very well, mate. I enjoyed the read...Pete

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thanks a lot dear Peter!
In that hellish land is where many truths burn to be heard and seen but only allowed to be seen and heard by certain beings- the heat is controlled by love received- not dangerous but gentleness to be found- interesting- many thoughts and emotions hiding here- very enjoyable🌹

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you very much!
‘Thoughts In Time’🌹

6 Years Ago

My pleasure🌹
"Longing TO tear apart"......I have to agree with Jay about one part, though: What chair? Where's the chair? Why a chair? Other than that, this is quite the spooky tale. Well done!

Posted 6 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you dear. For chair, the Girl from the Gap lives under furniture, bed or gaps. I wrote chair b.. read more
I think there's a lot of story here that never made it to the page. And because the part that didn't is in your head it makes perfect sense as you read. But that, and your intent, never make it to the page, and the reader, unlike you, must make do with what the words suggest to them, based on their background, not yours. So from a reader's viewpoint there are addressable issues:

• She stares from the hellish dark

She? Any particular she? She must be pretty small to fit beneath a chair that has a cover making it dark there.

And: why is the darkness under this unknown chair "hellish while the rest of the place isn't?" If I don't know that how can I even guess at WHY she's staring, and at what?

• longing for tear apart whosoever stare.

Honestly, no matter how I parse this it makes no sense. Especially, given that the "she" you're talking about is the one staring. I'd suggest taking more time to edit before releasing your words into the wild, and editing from the viewpoint of a reader who knows only what the words suggest to them.

Sorry.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

For chair, the Girl from the Gap lives under furniture, bed or gaps. I wrote chair because while com.. read more
Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

I wrote in the short description above that author warns the readers against the heinous phantom. So.. read more
JayG

6 Years Ago

•"I wrote in the short description above that author warns the readers against the heinous phantom.. read more
a dark write,beware,she might be watching you

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you!
Stark and without apology, we are here and not going anywhere, well done, good read.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you!

3
next Next Page
last Last Page
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

1337 Views
28 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 18, 2018
Last Updated on June 4, 2018
Tags: Horror, The Girl from the Gap, Dark, Fear, Hell

Author

Raj Sahu
Raj Sahu

Burhanpur, Madhya Pradesh, India



About
Myself Raj Sahu from the historic town of Burhanpur, Madhya Pradesh, India. I had completed my high schooling with flying colours from Choithram School, Indore in Humanities stream and was first in or.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..