The Girl from the Gap

The Girl from the Gap

A Poem by Raj Sahu
"

The poet warns the readers against this heinous phantom.

"

She stares
from the hellish dark
beneath the chair
longing to
tear apart
whosoever stare.

Beware!
She's there
looking through
black edge
like a lurid lion
she waits for you.

Don't cast your eye
upon her
O my friend!
Unless you desire
to taste the
hotness of the hellish land.

© 2018 Raj Sahu


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Featured Review

I think there's a lot of story here that never made it to the page. And because the part that didn't is in your head it makes perfect sense as you read. But that, and your intent, never make it to the page, and the reader, unlike you, must make do with what the words suggest to them, based on their background, not yours. So from a reader's viewpoint there are addressable issues:

• She stares from the hellish dark

She? Any particular she? She must be pretty small to fit beneath a chair that has a cover making it dark there.

And: why is the darkness under this unknown chair "hellish while the rest of the place isn't?" If I don't know that how can I even guess at WHY she's staring, and at what?

• longing for tear apart whosoever stare.

Honestly, no matter how I parse this it makes no sense. Especially, given that the "she" you're talking about is the one staring. I'd suggest taking more time to edit before releasing your words into the wild, and editing from the viewpoint of a reader who knows only what the words suggest to them.

Sorry.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

For chair, the Girl from the Gap lives under furniture, bed or gaps. I wrote chair because while com.. read more
Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

I wrote in the short description above that author warns the readers against the heinous phantom. So.. read more
JayG

6 Years Ago

•"I wrote in the short description above that author warns the readers against the heinous phantom.. read more



Reviews

horror..er...spooky..save me...er

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you!
Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you!
"Beware!
She's there
looking through
black edge
like a lurid lion
she waits for you."

I came across this character from your work now and found it quite spooky!!!
The rhymes 'chair'; 'stare'; 'beware'; 'there' are really musical when read with a proper intonation. The description you gave here is also enough to set up a terrified image of this apparition in someone's mind. I quite enjoyed this work. This is first horror poetry I have read on this site and I am fully agreed that it is one of the best I read till now. Looking for more of your works.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

You are a good reader and analyser. I love how deep you study my poems. Thanks a lot.
Oh darn! I've been discovered! *wink! wink!* This is a very fun & spooky message. You are very imaginative in the things you choose to write about & the different styles you use to write. Even tho this seems to sound like a dangerous situation, I'm also getting the fun tongue-in-cheek idea that you might be describing someone's cute kitty cat about to pounce on a random wiggling toe -- yet another example of how creative your thinking can be (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

I am glad to see you reviewing my work again. Thank you so much for your praises. (((HUGS)))
barleygirl

6 Years Ago

I just re-read your poem about the circus animals, which I enjoy very much. I can't even remember wh.. read more
Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you and I am hearty regretful if any of my actions ever hurt you. Pardon me!
It's interesting though a little more context would have been nice.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you!
I find the legend quite interesting and your words, or should I say horrified words made it alive...I should give you nice rating for such a horrid work...(Now I fear how I gonna sleep tonight! Hahaha)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

I am sorry that I snatched your sweet sleep from you.
Thanks a lot for such rating.
A chilling horror work indeed. I fear that the girl is just staring at me. Looking for more of your excellent works.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you! I'll pray that it will not harm you. Haha!
Thanks Raj for the head's up but in years earlier I fell into that trap.

regards,
al

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Oh! Thank you.
Very nice use of words. You gave life to the photo with the proper description. Thank you Raj for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

You always inspire me dear Coyote! Thank you.
Coyote Poetry

6 Years Ago

I enjoyed this one. A poem with some mystery and you are welcome.
Creepy... But it still seemed so profound and you made me feel the chill while reading it. Very nice.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you!
Anjali

6 Years Ago

you're welcome!
That was one hell of a Horror poem I've read. Good work Raj.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you!
Vic Hundahl

6 Years Ago

I liked the poem as a starter, would like to see the character developed more, why should I fear her.. read more
Raj Sahu

6 Years Ago

Thank you!

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1329 Views
28 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 18, 2018
Last Updated on June 4, 2018
Tags: Horror, The Girl from the Gap, Dark, Fear, Hell

Author

Raj Sahu
Raj Sahu

Burhanpur, Madhya Pradesh, India



About
Myself Raj Sahu from the historic town of Burhanpur, Madhya Pradesh, India. I had completed my high schooling with flying colours from Choithram School, Indore in Humanities stream and was first in or.. more..

Writing

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