Pandemonium of Spiders

A factitious situation: what if my town was overrun by robot spiders.

Around twilight they turn towards us,

Smashing what comes their way- car or bus!

What a havoc they rise, O Lord!

Seems as death itself combating with a sword.

On hearing the chaos and confusion and din,

I assail without a thought of lose or win.

We have to grin and bear it, I know;

O What a cataclysm! What a blow!

With all their whopping webs they broke out,

"There are many of them!" exclaimed I, without a doubt.

I hasten slowly to strangle it with a noose

But it escaped as it become too loose.

Hitherto where the vision go,

The skyscrapers lies so low!

Here and there the gigantic wreckage lies,

Here and there some or other man dies!

And there comes another with a boisterous assault,

Slaughtering several souls seems without a fault.

"Who is here so valiant for a duel?", I bawled;

"The man who posed this question", they called.

"ME?" yelled I, lamenting on my fate,

My perpetual foe till the doom's date.

"Don't trample upon me!" quoth I, with a scream;

Blessed is my fate, it's just a horrendous dream.

***

Not just a dream, now I suppose;

"Why?" all readers may oppose,

A gossamer with a spider lays beside me,

Compelled me to break down the dream and see.

Author's Note

Weird and coward! :D

Reviews

[Andrea Greene]

This is really very interesting, considering you expanded a dream into a grand and entertaining story, with an amazing rhyming sequence and many quotable instances. My only question is why you decided to recolor certain quotes from the text, such as "who is here so valiant for a duel" and others. I would suggest keeping everything the same color, unless there's an artistic decision behind it, just for the sake of comprehension. Otherwise, this is a lovely, witty poem!

[Raj Sahu]

Thanks a lot for your wonderful review.
I recoloured them in order to highlights all the conversations.

[Anjali]

You are such a true artist, writing up on fictitious situations based on your dream.

[John the Baptist]

A rather humorous offering here, illustrating how events in life can appear in our dreams. The accompanying photo is interesting. I'd swear it is a still from a grade b American horror film I saw back in the 1950's.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you!

[Riddhi]

I really liked it..It was something really different and unique in itself and was quite interesting...
Keep on writing..

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you so much.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

this is wonderful
a great fear of mine
thanks for entering my greatest fear competition
good luck

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you very much.

[Nipplegrinder]

I like that you employ dialogue in a poetic piece. Something I've never thought to do. Nicely done.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you very much.

[barleygirl]

Your poem shows that you have a huge imagination! The title describes this scene perfectly, as it sounds like pure chaos. It’s creative to use dialogue, which is hardly ever used in poetry, but it works well here in your storytelling style of poetry. You use large & dramatic descriptions which suggest the spiders are not tiny ones, but overwhelming ones. There’s one thing missing in your poem – this scene could be more powerful if you use more imagery to describe the actual spider itself. You describe what the spider is doing, but you don’t really draw a word picture of the spider itself – how does it look? Compare the size to something, so we can get a feeling of how big it is, what does it smell like? What does it sound like? Let me feel the hairy legs brushing up against my face. Don’t forget to bring in all the senses, especially when describing something dramatic & full of life. (I’m not saying you need to change this poem, but these are ideas to use in future writings) *smile* Fondly, Margie

[Raj Sahu]

Thanks a lot dear!

[Pooja]

I should laugh at this story! I quite enjoyed it.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you.

[Kleptomaniac]

Spidery poem! A nice thrilling story you wrote. Well explained.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you.

[Crazy Robot]

nice fantasy..er...horror dream..er..kudos..

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you.

[Lara Crimson]

"Not just a dream, now I suppose;
"Why?" all readers may oppose,
A gossamer with a spider lays beside me,
Compelled me to break down the dream and see."

This part perplex me a little and leave a mystery before me that was the dream real or not.
The dialogues you added amidst your verses are attractive with all alliterations and repetitions. I wonder if my land is attacked by such creepy creatures then what will my state. It was quite amusing to read all your nightmare, with a good blend of humour. Keep writing.

[Raj Sahu]

You break down my nightmare more better than me. It is still mystery for me too. Thank you very much.