This was a heartfelt poem. It really got a message across, on how animal circuses are horrible. I really was persuaded by this poem, and it gives me a new look on animal circuses. Your grammar is pretty good, except in a few spots :p The biggest thing that I would suggest that you change about this poem is the colors. The different colors when I first took a look at your poem confused me because there was so much going on. but then I realized it was the different voices of the animals. In the future, I would try to avoid this, for it kind of hurt my eyes to look at. If you want color, try to stay with one, and if you want to stress certain lines, make them bold, or italic. I'm sorry if that sounded a little bit harsh because I didn't want it to sound that way I feel that this poem brings so much emotion to the readers. It was like I was looking through the eyes of the animals stuck there in the circus. And the expanded vocabulary words, like quoth, and docile, and elegiac, really made your story so much better. Last little note, kudos on making your poem rhyme, because that is very hard to do when you are trying to convey a certain message, I really enjoyed your poem, and keep up the great work!
-Lily
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Thanks from the bottom of my heart! You gave such a precious time of yours to review my work, I am s.. read moreThanks from the bottom of my heart! You gave such a precious time of yours to review my work, I am so grateful to you. I will take care of colours next time.
“We see many animals and birds
Who are looking with their elegiac eyes.
Beasts are mostly in girds,
Standing in despair and cries."
Human greed is insatiable. He want to make profit by hook or by crook.
Now, about your work, It is very well that you displayed such a painful state of the animals in circuses. They want their freedom. The rhymes you used are good but the only thing I should bring under your notice is the vibrant use of colour. Take care of it next time. Lokking for more of your works.
The very first thing I want to tell you is the overuse of colours here and there...it strains my eyes oh! Such colours may lessen the effect of such a wonderful message you are delivering to the entire world...You can use bold or italics for the same..
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Sorry for the inconvenience. I will take care next time.
Thank you for your words.
Many of life’s things and ways are done out of greed of man- greed to make money from others and animals with no care or concern for how it will impact animal/human? I agree so sad when animals are caged and then some people treat them so badly-well written - 🌹
This is another one on different issue by you.
‘I am feeling myself guilty,
How offensive we became!
How one can show such cruelty?
I am feeling all ashame.'
I am glad that in the end you felt sorry for entire human race, which is too brutal with these animals. Circuses are jovial in nature but these circuses makes the surrounding gloomy. Thank you for sharing.
This was a heartfelt poem. It really got a message across, on how animal circuses are horrible. I really was persuaded by this poem, and it gives me a new look on animal circuses. Your grammar is pretty good, except in a few spots :p The biggest thing that I would suggest that you change about this poem is the colors. The different colors when I first took a look at your poem confused me because there was so much going on. but then I realized it was the different voices of the animals. In the future, I would try to avoid this, for it kind of hurt my eyes to look at. If you want color, try to stay with one, and if you want to stress certain lines, make them bold, or italic. I'm sorry if that sounded a little bit harsh because I didn't want it to sound that way I feel that this poem brings so much emotion to the readers. It was like I was looking through the eyes of the animals stuck there in the circus. And the expanded vocabulary words, like quoth, and docile, and elegiac, really made your story so much better. Last little note, kudos on making your poem rhyme, because that is very hard to do when you are trying to convey a certain message, I really enjoyed your poem, and keep up the great work!
-Lily
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Thanks from the bottom of my heart! You gave such a precious time of yours to review my work, I am s.. read moreThanks from the bottom of my heart! You gave such a precious time of yours to review my work, I am so grateful to you. I will take care of colours next time.
Myself Raj Sahu from the historic town of Burhanpur, Madhya Pradesh, India. I had completed my high schooling with flying colours from Choithram School, Indore in Humanities stream and was first in or.. more..