Entrance in My Life

The poem is based on poet's love whom he always wishes from God and at last his wish is granted.

In the deserted lonely square,

In which the sad sand smear;

I was waiting for a saviour,

who would be my carrier.

My thirst of love was too severe,

That I want one to quench it mere.

And our Lord, the God; heard my wish

and granted it, which was too astonish.

Adorable and Admirable, Honest and Amiable

Decent, Kind and altogether Lovable.

And what qualities shall I reveal

as there are none to conceal.

Forlorn and Feeble was I,

and was taking a deep sigh.

But now there's delight and joy

with my love I will enjoy.

Far worse I had lived,

and for many things deprived.

But now I will love you my dear,

and I will get rid of fear.

Author's Note

Ignore Grammar Problems

Reviews

[Lara Crimson]

“Forlorn and Feeble was I,
and was taking a deep sigh.
But now there's delight and joy
with my love I will enjoy."

When there is a first contact with our love, the person is so elated and wishes that the love should remain forever with him.
Now, about your work, the image you paste is very beautiful and the vivid description of the love, saviour, God keeps me reading the entire poem. How was your suffering and how you rejoiced after his entrance is worth noting. Looking for more of your works.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you very much. I appreciate your review.

[ElizaB]

As always, thank you for entering your work into my competition.

You evoke a lot of feelings within a short piece and it seems very well thought out. I can see that you worked very hard on this.

I always think this whenever I read your pieces, that for a young man of only 16 years old you speak upon topics with such wisdom already.

I liked these two lines in particular:

But now there's delight and joy
with my love I will enjoy.

Well done

[Raj Sahu]

Thanks a lot!

[Jackie]

Very touching and sentimental.. Lovely read. And please also check out some of my new writings as well. Thanks

[Raj Sahu]

Okay. I will. Thanks for your review.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

You have an original and refreshing way of weaving and rhyming your words. It adds a lilt to the lines that is musical. Beautiful tribute to love that is God-given and saving. I loved the purity of this poem.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you so much. 😊😊

[Tabby Mac]

This piece is beautiful. The words you chose describe elequently the love you found in God. It is encouraging and lovely!
Tabby

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you very much. 😊😊

[Gaurangi]

although you've put a note for ignoring grammatical errors, it is a part of the expression and cannot be dissected from a poem. it is very well accepted many a times, where poets introduce a new word or form their own but instead of ignoring your errors you should work upon them. Even I am not wholly aware of the grammar rules and i think no one is, but i tend to read books/novels because they help me imbibe english language more than any grammar book could.
(saying so because you have grammar issues in your second stanza)
this is just a suggestion.
nevertheless, you've got a hint of poet, specially the one we used to have in our textbooks :)

[Raj Sahu]

Thanks.
It is said ‘Your best friend will show you your real face.’
Thank you for correcting me.

[SleeplessVolcano]

Very emotional and touching poem.

However, if you are going to go for rhyme, it also would make sense to match your meter, i.e. have similar numbers of syllables per line....

Or, rather go freestyle, and not rhyme at all.....and just let words flow.

I am looking forward to reading some of your other work. :)

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you so much. Really I am grateful to you. 😊😊

[Farhan Shaikh]

This is really well written..i enjoyed

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you for your appreciation.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you very much. I appreciate your review.

[George Coombs]

Excellent engaging writing, interesting and thought provoking, great work

[Raj Sahu]

Thanks a lot dear George. 😊😊

[George Coombs]

Your welcome

[wordman]

sweet sentiment,you found your love and lost your fear

[Raj Sahu]

Thanks dear.