last breath

i tried to have

a last

breath

held the green

ribbon

to my neck

it's december

and it's getting

cold

i tried to have

a last

breath

felt my head start

to rush

and spin

got a little dizzy

felt real

good

i tried to have

a last

breath

i'm not even depressed

what was i 

doing

what am i trying

to convince

myself

didn't make me

any

stronger

i tried to have

a last

breath

stared up into the lights

burned my eyes

tears in my eyes

green ribbon

tightened

nearly there

feel my 

heart beat

loud

head hurts now

i think i 

see stars

something inside me

tells me to

stop

i tried to have

a last

breath

guess i'm too weak

to even

try

can't even try

to commit

suicide

i tried to have

a last

breath

tonight

my lungs will gasp

for air

Author's Note

today i was feeling particularly bad, and i tried to choke myself. stupid, i know, but i wasn't thinking. i was hurting and i thought it would be easy. but you know, choking yourself isn't easy. there's always a part of yourself screaming that you can still do it, that you should keep on breathing. hold on a little longer. i used this gorgeous green christmas ribbon. as i tightened it, my head started to rush and it felt... really good. exhilarating. i was doing something daring, something crazy and wild and i felt good. i sound crazy, don't i? but i don't know, something told me stop. stop stop stop. so i did. and when i loosened that ribbon, it felt even better. so always remember to break free from your chains, your ribbons. you'll feel better in the end.