Twenty-one

 As I drove home that afternoon, I couldn’t help but think what the consequences would be of telling Daniel that I loved him and letting him kiss me. Did he think that we were a pair again? I wasn’t sure whether I wanted that or not. I really did like him, but I was still a little scared. You can’t just forget a year of abuse just in a couple of hours. It takes time. I just hope that Daniel has the patience to wait until I collect my thoughts.

 

The second I opened the door; Lucas came tromping down the steps. “Raina!! Guess what?!” I set my backpack down on the floor and casually asked, “What?” Lucas’s grin was so wide on his face he could barely talk correctly at first. “So, you know how I didn’t get into UGA?” Confused, I said, “Yeah…so what? Don’t tell me you got into Harvard!”

 

Lucas shook his head, ”Raina, if I hadn’t gotten into UGA, I would never be able to get into Harvard. I should have realized that earlier.” “Oh, right. I hadn’t realized that either.” I told him and began walking to the kitchen to get something to drink. “Raina! Don’t you see? The acceptance letter was a mistake! The computer messed it up. I did get accepted! Now I can stay closer to you!”

 

I couldn’t comprehend what he had said at first. When he had told me that he wasn’t getting into UGA, I worried because it would be so hard not to be able to see him at least on long weekends or something like that. But now he got accepted to UGA, and he would be able to drive up to North Carolina since it was only bout four or five hours. I was so thrilled!

 

“Lucas! That’s great!” I finally spurted out. His grin, if possible, grew wider and I gave him a big hug. He returned it and I said, “Have you told mum yet?” He shook his head, “Nope, she was gone when I came home. Probably at the grocery store or something.” “Great, that way we can both give her the amazing news.”

 

I grabbed my apple juice bottle from the fridge and headed upstairs, Lucas following close behind. When I reached my room and he had settled himself on my bed he asked, “You look different today.” I cocked my head to the left, “I do? How so?” “I’m not sure. For a very long time you seemed so lost and hurt inside, except for when you met Blake, but after you guys stopped hanging out that look returned.”

 

Now that I thought about it, after Daniel had started abusing me I had felt so lost and confused, like I was in a new world that everyone had already accustomed too and I was the late arriver and the tutorials were already finished. But I had met Blake, and I had felt so much better. Of course, karma wouldn’t let me spoil myself so it made me get rid of my happiness.

 

Then, there was the fact that Lucas might be going somewhere far away for college, and I had been devastated. Everything had just crashed and burned, and I had felt like the person who was in the middle of the fire. Nothing had felt right and nothing had looked right, either. Everything was just whooshing by as I looked straight ahead, not bothering to notice the blurs. 

 

“Then how do I look different?” I asked, curious. “Well…your face is glowing, like something really great has happened and you just can’t get over it.” I could feel my cheeks get read. Was it really that obvious that I was happy that I had spent the afternoon with Daniel and we had talked so openly with each other? I was very ecstatic, but then again, I wasn’t quite sure whether I should tell Lucas or not.

 

“Yeah, well I have homework to do.” I said, a little too obvious that I was trying to change the subject. Lucas glared at me, but let it go. I loved my brother. “I’m sure, Raina. And you better be working on homework, not ogling over some guy.” I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, Lucas. Because that’s the kind of girl I am.” He grinned, “You could be a totally different person, I would never know.”

 

He walked out of my room and closed the door behind him. I dropped my shoulders and blew a strand of hair out of my face. I didn’t have any homework, and its not like I could go downstairs and watch TV. Lucas would likely see me and interrogate me.

 

I looked around my room for something to do and then I decided to get on my computer and just browse around. I logged on to my Facebook and saw that I had a new message from Daniel. That’s strange; I didn’t know he had a Facebook. I opened it and it read, “Raina, I had a really nice time today. I enjoyed your company and wish that we could hang out again some time soon. Daniel” I closed out of it and leaned back in my chair.

 

This was not like Daniel at all. It wasn’t like I had a problem with it, but he seemed like a different person now. I clicked reply and improvised as I typed, “Daniel, I had a great time today, too. How about we do something this weekend? Raina.” I hit send and inhaled deeply. I hoped that he didn’t take that as an invitation that I wanted to do anything besides just hanging out. 

 

I decided to take the risk of Lucas catching me and sneaked out of my room. When I reached the living room, he popped out of nowhere and said, “Done with homework already?” I smiled, trying not to show that I had gotten caught, “Yeah, easy stuff that we did in class.” Lucas raised one of his eyebrows, “I’m sure. And it must have been so easy that you did it without even looking at it.”

Okay, now I was confused. “What do you mean?” Lucas kicked a bag that was sitting at his feet. It was my backpack. “Oh right.” I said, dropping my smile. Lucas always caught me. He knew when I was lying or trying to get out of something. I caved and said, “Okay. Okay. I don’t have any homework, happy?” Lucas smiled, “Very. Now tell me who this new person is that makes you look so drastically different.”

 

I thought for a moment. Should I tell him that it’s Daniel who keeps running through my head? Lucas wasn’t a huge fan of him; he might be disappointed in me. And that was the last thing I wanted to do. “So you see, there’s this guy at school and…” I began the best way that I could.

 

Lucas sighed, “It’s Daniel, isn’t it?” I was in shock, how did he know? “No…no, it’s not Daniel.” I managed to sputter out. But, like always, he knew when I wasn’t telling him the truth. “Raina…” I bit my lip and decided to tell him. “Okay, yes. It’s Daniel. Don’t hurt him!” I don’t know why I added that last part, but it just seemed to come out of my mouth.

 

My brother started laughing. “What?” I asked. How could he laugh, I was being completely serious! “Raina, if he makes you happy then I’m not going to do anything. It was the fact that he was hurting you that made me hate him so much. As long as you’re cautious and you don’t just jump back into his arms just because he did one nice thing for you, then it’s fine with me.”

 

I smiled. I never thought that Lucas would say something like that. “So, you don’t hate him anymore?” I asked, making sure I understood correctly. “Mmm…I don’t HATE him, to be exact. I’m not sure if I completely trust him yet or not, though. He did do some terrible things and I’m not going to forgive him just like that. He has to gain my trust back.” I nodded. That was what I had said to myself as well. Daniel wasn’t going to get my trust back easily. But he had been working hard.

 

That was when our mum walked into the house, “I’m home.” She said, with a grin. It still caught me a little off guard with her talking and everything. We both smiled back and walked into the kitchen with her. She was holding three bags of groceries. She set them down on the table and said, “I think we’re going to have chicken ensaladas for dinner, sound okay?” 

 

We both nodded. Whatever mum wanted to do, we would let her do. Lucas and I walked out of the kitchen, letting our mum get to work. She loved to cook, and never wanted to be disturbed while she did it. When we reached the top of the stairs Lucas said, “Be happy with Daniel, but if you get hurt, I’ll kill him.” I laughed. It was kind of interesting have such a protective brother.

 

I think I stared at my ceiling for about an hour. I had nothing else to do and I had so many things to think about. Things from whether Daniel and I could carry out another relationship or if everything would go out of whack once we officially started dating. Of course, I didn’t want to start anything yet, because I didn’t have all of Daniel’s trust yet.

-------------------------Next Morning---------------------------------------------------------------

I was on my way to school when someone called me on my phone. “Hello?” I said, not even bothering to look at the caller ID before I picked up. “Raina?” I recognized the voice almost instantly. “What do you want, Blake?” It seemed as if things had reversed. Before it was Daniel who I had hated seeing and hearing. But now it was Blake. How did things turn up side down so quickly?

 

I could hear Blake breathing on the other line, but he wouldn’t respond. “Blake?” I asked, not interested at all. “Yeah, I’m still here.” He said, but he sounded distracted. Then I started to wonder how he even got my number. “How do you have my number?” I questioned. Was he turning into a stalker? Blake just laughed though and said, “Daniel.” I tried focusing on my driving but it was a little difficult with what Blake just told me.

 

I decided I needed to pull over so that I didn’t run over some innocent grandma. “How did you get my number from Daniel? I doubt he would give it to you.” Blake didn’t answer my question though, “Why do you sound so angry? Do you not want to talk to me?” I tried to calm myself down so I let myself in and exhale a bit before I responded. “No, Blake. I don’t want to talk to you.”

 

“Oh. Well I guess I’ll go then.” Blake said. I instantly felt bad because he sounded so disappointed. Did he think that I would want to talk to him? Maybe he that I had been mourning over him. “Wait, Blake. At least tell me the reason why you called.” He didn’t answer and he was beginning to get on my nerves. I pulled out of the spot that I had parked in and began driving again.

 

When I was almost to school, Blake decided to finally answer me, “I miss you and I’m sorry for what I did.” I laughed so hard I had to focus very hard to keep from veering off the road. “What?” Blake said sounding devastated. I whipped a tear or two from my eyes and then pulled into the school parking lot. When I turned off the car I answered him.

 

“Blake, sweetie, I go to your house expecting you to welcome me with open arms, and then you say that I wasn’t the one that you liked. It was only the action aroma around me. Yeah, that really healed my heart after the phone call I had had with Daniel only thirty minutes before that. And yet here you are calling me, saying that you miss me. Well, you know what Blake? F**k you. F**k you and your stupid apologizes. I got over apologizing a long time ago.” And then I hung up, got out of my car and walked into school with a silly grin on my face.