Nineteen

 “Right. Sorry. Forgot, you know?” Lucas shifted his eyes back to his magazine without saying anything. I shrugged to myself and decided to go do some homework to get my mind off of things. However, when I walked into my room my cell phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and read the caller ID. It was a private call. “That’s strange.” I said and flipped the phone open.

 

“Hello?” “Chelsea, It’s Daniel.” I immediately lost the happiness from before. “Oh.” Was all I said. It went silent and for a moment I thought that Daniel had hung up. Too bad I was wrong, “Sorry about today and me asking you to call me. That was kind of rude. I hope you’ll forgive me.” I didn’t say anything. What could I say? There wasn’t exactly anything to forgive since it wasn’t that big of a deal. It was earlier only because I was clumping that incident with so many other things. But now? I really didn’t care.

 

Daniel ignored my silence and continued, “I was hoping that we could maybe go to dinner tonight.” I almost laughed but I bit my lip to stop myself. Did he really think that he was forgiven for what he had done to me? I don’t think so. He needs to get his priorities straight and just leave me alone because I really did not ever want to deal with this boy again.

 

I still didn’t say anything and this time Daniel wasn’t as lenient to ignore it. “You better answer me.” This time I couldn’t hold it and I started laughing. “Or what? You promised you wouldn’t hurt me, didn’t you?” Now it was Daniel’s turn to laugh. “Ever heard of my fingers were crossed?” I was completely shocked. To think that Daniel went through all that trouble to get my to barely trust him again and to apologize to me while he had his fingers crossed was sort of pathetic.

 

“Daniel, you b*****d. You are a piteous excuse for a cheater. If you were going to end up hurting me again why did you even try apologizing to me? What was even the point?” I could not believe this. Daniel was seriously mental. He needed help. “Don’t you see Chelsea? It was all part of my little scheme to make you trust me again. I knew you couldn’t resist me. I knew you could fall back in love with me if I tried. I just had to say the right words at the right time, that’s all.” And then he barked out a one-syllable laugh.

 

 This guy was either stupid or just plain insane. Maybe both. “Daniel, you do realize that you just told me your entire plan. And now that I know what you have done and what you are going to do, I’m never going to trust you gain. I really hope you are aware of that little hiccup.” I think I either put him into shock or he was so angry he couldn’t speak. But Daniel went about ten minutes without saying anything and I got really freaked out.

 

“You are so…” “So what Daniel? Go on. Say it. I really don’t give a crap anymore because you are no longer apart of my life and you are never going to be. So build a bridge and get over it, sweetie. Because you and I? We were long over before we even got started.” And with that I snapped my phone shut and laid it down on my tabletop.

 

I dropped my head into my pillow and wrapped my arms around it. I took in a really deep breath and when I let it out I screamed my lungs dry. Not quite sure how long I screamed for or if I even stopped. I just know that I didn’t want to stop. I could feel all my problems and issues and dumb a*s people’s voices extracting from my mind and body. And the second I couldn’t feel my throat anymore I instantly felt better about life itself.

 

Rolling over, I could tell that my throat was forming into a sore one. I really didn’t care though because I felt like I could seize the world. Maybe I should make that a weekly thing. Just to scream and let every singly problem of mine go flying because I just felt so much better and just overall phenomenal. My head didn’t feel clogged or stuffy. For once it just felt normal.

 

Lucas didn’t even bother knocking; he just barged into my room. His face was twisted into a weird look like he didn’t know what he should be thinking. “What?” I asked, scratchy throated and innocent. Lucas’s face changed to humor and he gently asked, “Was that you screaming? I thought it was a dying animal!” I chuckled, “Well sorry if my screaming sounds inhuman.”

 

“You’re alright then?” I gleamed, “Better then alright, Lucas, my boy. I am tremendously stupendous!” Lucas’s face instantly got brighter and more joyful. It had been awhile since I had been this happy. That screaming really did help. I think everyone should try that every once in awhile. “I’m glad. Remember, any problems you have you can come talk to me about. You don’t have to torture your pillow’s ears just so you don’t have problems running through your head.” I glared at him and said, “It helped, didn’t it?” “Sure.” And then he was out of my room and into his own.

 

I rolled my eyes. I would never understand that boy. But the same probably goes to him for me. Who cares, I was my own self and I was going to be as strange as I wished. Without even thinking about it, I grabbed my keys out of my purse and ran downstairs.

 

If I really thought about it, I could probably redeem from my memories where Blake lives. It was only six o’clock, I’m sure my mum wouldn’t mind me running out for a bit. “Mum, going over to a friend’s house. I won’t stay out late. Don’t worry.” I said once I had reached the kitchen. “Just try to be back before ten.” Was all she said.

 

Once I was driving on the familiar street I knew where I was going. His house wasn’t too far from mine. Maybe a ten minute drive. And once I had driven to the park and then gotten into at least one familiar direction, I was set. So now here I was sitting in my car in Blake’s driveway contemplating whether or not to knock on the door.

 

It might have taken me a whole twenty minutes to finally come up with a decision, but I was happy with my final one. I got out of my car and locked the door, shoving my keys into my back pocket. I wasn’t quite sure if I was nervous to see Blake or nervous about how I would feel about him once I saw him. Would it be kind of different without the tension of Daniel being around? Was it only the adventure that made us fall for each other? I couldn’t be sure unless I rang the doorbell.

 

My hand reached over and gently prodded the bell. The sounds from inside the house seemed to have branched off from my finger and then were strewn throughout the place. It wasn’t too long before I heard little notches being unhooked and locks being unlatched. By then it was too late to get cold feet and run off. I had to stand my ground, especially since now the door was opening and Blake’s face was coming into view.

 

He opened the door all the way and his face showed that he was quite surprised. “Hello.” He said, with slight amusement tagged on. “Hey.” I said, soft and shyly. No one said anything and when Blake shifted to his other foot I at once sensed that the action of Daniel definitely had a huge impact on our interest to each other.

 

“You coming to school tomorrow?” I asked the closest question to my head as I could think of. Blake looked into my eyes and nodded. Well, that didn’t exactly work. It was supposed to be a conversation starter. “Do you know your schedule? Maybe we’ll have a class together.” I tried to sound excited, but Blake’s mood had put me in a mud puddle and I sounded depressed. “We don’t have any classes together.” He said bluntly.

 

“How do you know?” I asked, trying not to sound too overly concerned. I wanted a class with him. And why did he sound so disinterested in all of this. Blake sighed and I could have sworn I saw him roll his eyes but maybe it was a trick of the lights. “Look, Chelsea. I know that we had some times together with the whole Daniel debacle but now…” I didn’t even let him finish, “What are you trying to say? That you don’t like me anymore because there isn’t any action going in on the atmosphere around us?” Blake hesitated and then softly said yes.

 

I could not believe that this was happening. How could he be so inconsiderate? “What about when we had lunch together? There were no actions going on there, yet we had a great time!” Blake refused to look me in the eyes, “Yes, well there were still actions going on, just not at the moment. But now, I just can’t see what I saw before. I’m not even sure why I stopped that one day to ask if you were all right.”

 

Was this really happening to me? I was losing my life right here and right now. Not even an hour ago I had felt so delightful but now I felt stupid and unwelcome. I couldn’t even say anything. There was nothing to say. I just shook my head back and forth and turned around. My feet somehow carried me to my car and managed to pull my body into the seat.

 

I wasn’t quite sure whether I was numb or just confused. Was this a dream? No, no way. This was too real for a dream. But why now? Why did Blake have to do this to me now?  Couldn’t he have just waited until I had recovered from Daniel a bit? Now I was even more fragile then ever. I just got out of the worst relationship of my life, and then my first real savior merely dumped me on the street like an old rag that no longer has any worth or importance.

 

I really felt like dirt. No, I felt lower than dirt. Like the stuff that makes dirt. Was that a worm? Or were worms the things that eat dirt? I thought that dirt was worm poop. Who knows, it’s not important. The only thing that matters is I feel like crap. Which pretty much is the same thing as feeling like dirt since dirt is worm crap.

 

After my self-discussion on dirt and worms I made it home in a huff and ran inside and completely ignored my mother and her startled accusations. When I reached Lucas’s room I returned his rudeness and decided not to knock. However, when I walked in Lucas was on the phone and his face was wearing a very confused mask. “You’re positive it says that?” Lucas said to the mystery person on the phone. I sat down next to him and tried to catch what the other line was saying. “So, its true then? This cannot be happening. I could have sworn I was on my way! I set it in early and my grades are top notch. How could they do this?” I was completely lost. There was absolutely no idea of what Lucas was talking about in my head at all. Oh well, I would just ask him once he got off.

 

Ten minutes later Lucas finally hung up. With an exasperated sigh he dropped the phone onto the floor and tilted his head in my direction. “What was that all about?” I asked him, curious for the story. Lucas blow on a piece of hair stuck in his face and then answered, “Well, my acceptance letter to UGA was apparently sent to my friend, Cliff’s, house. He thought it was his because he wants to go to UGA as well, and he opened it. Turns out they did not accept my application. So turns out I’m not going to UGA.”

 

After Lucas had finished all I thought was that UGA had made a huge mistake. Lucas was incredibly bright. He had a 4.0 and was constantly looking for more ways to do better in his classes. And yet he still had time to take care of me. He was really amazing.  Any college was lucky to have him. I just didn’t understand this at all. Maybe it was a mistake?

 

“I am so sorry, Lucas. They must have had a slip up in reading your application or something because you deserve to go there. And they don’t deserve you. You could do so much better than UGA. They should be proud that you were interested in going there.” No matter my attempts at pep talking, it didn’t improve Lucas’s mood at all.

 

“Well, its not just that they didn’t accept me, Chelsea. It’s the fact that the other school that I applied to will probably accept me.” I obviously wasn’t comprehended correctly because I didn’t understand the importance of this fact. “So? That’s good. You can still go to college.” Lucas looked down at his hands in his lap and said, “No, Raina. UGA was better because it’s closer. North Carolina is only four hours away from it. The other college that I applied to, Harvard, is in Massachusetts. If I got into there, then I am farther away from you.”

 

Everything clicked together and I now understood what Lucas was talking about. “Oh.” It was the only thing I could say. The family love him and I had together had grown so strong in the past year it would be so hard to go through days on end without him. I couldn’t even bear thinking about it. He was my best friend and I could simply not live without him. Sure, I could live if he was alive and somewhere else, but it would be hard.

 

“Lucas, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine really. Just go off to college and do your thing, okay?” I was trying to be brave. I couldn’t drag Lucas along with me my entire life. I had to push him out of the nest eventually. Now was the time. I knew we could survive apart from each other; we would just have to adapt. “Don’t try to be strong, Raina. I know you’re going to miss me.” I crossed my arms, “How do you know, Mr. Smarty pants?” He smiled, “Because I’m going to miss you too. We’re connected in the brain department, remember?”

 

I shrugged, “True. But I still think that when they accept you then you should go. You shouldn’t hold yourself and your abilities back just because of me, you know.” Lucas shook his head, “I’m not. You need me here, that’s all. And I’m not going to leave you in your time of need.” “I am not in a time of need. I am perfectly fine.”

 

Lucas laughed, “Oh really? Then how went your visit with Blake tonight?” I could feel my emotions drip off my face as I recalled what had happened. “How did you know about that?” Lucas chuckled, “You left in a hurry, ready to see Blake again. Then you come home only forty-five minutes later, trump up the stairs and then burst into my room. I had a feeling it didn’t go too well.”

 

“Yes, well, your feeling was correct. Since there is no action from the whole Daniel thing anymore, Blake didn’t feel like we had any connection. Isn’t that just so dandy?” Lucas’s eyes darkened a bit, “He said that?” I couldn’t talk, so I just nodded. “How dare he. And at first I thought he was really nice! But now I’m going to punch his lights out. He better regret this…” Before Lucas could get deeper into his plans of attacking Blake, I tried to disrupt him, “Lucas. It’s okay. Who cares? What’s done is done. You can’t change it now.”

 

He obviously wasn’t listening, “At school tomorrow I’m going to meet with that boy and he better get his priorities straight.” “LUCAS.” I said, with a stern voice, since being calm wasn’t going to get his attention. “What?” He asked, now a little less eager. “ “I don’t care anymore, Lucas. I’m over him, I promise. He was just a little spark. It doesn’t matter, really.”

 

Lucas nodded his head. He looked like that didn’t matter though. I hoped he wouldn’t do anything. If Blake didn’t want anything to do with me, then the same goes for him. Good riddance. What was that phrase? There are plenty of pieces of hay in a haystack, but only one needle? No, that wasn’t it. Something about fish in the sea. Who knows, the point was that Blake was a great guy and everything but there were others like him in the world.

 

 

“I’m just going to go to my room and listen to music or something, Lucas.” “Alright.” Lucas said. I closed his door and walked to my room. When I sat down on my bed I couldn’t even collect my thoughts. So little time in the day and yet so many events are packed into each one of them. I wasn’t sure whether I had enough energy to continue on like this. It was draining me.  Now with Blake and hopefully Daniel out of my life things would go back to normal. But what was normal for me? I hadn’t had a normal life in at least a year. Who am I now?