a man with wings

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Midnight and the storm was hitting hard. My 3yr old son was crying for his mommy. All could do was lay there.I was crying out for someone and come get him and get him to safety .I knew I was dead. Yet, I saw him the man with wings. I saw him pick my son up and carry him away. I knew he'd be OK but I still wanted him to stay. I laid there waiting for the worst. then I saw the man again this time he was coming for me.
"Come child it time to go home." he said offering his hand
" Where is my son is he OK?" I asked
" Your son is fine now come."
Somehow i could move. Taking his hand we walked though the storm.
Then i saw a light
"Is that where we are going " I asked
"Yes, that will lead you home"
I didn't know what he was talking about for my home was destroyed but i followed
"Where is my son is he safe I have to go back and get him please let me go please let me go!"
"Your son is fine come child your almost there. "
We finally came to the light i looked back know there's no turning back. Then i step into the light.

it wasnt like i thought i would be you know the whole thing will the big feast and all the other stuff it wasnt there all that was there was a green field with a small brooke.

"where are we this isn't hevaen where are all the angels all the stuff they said was going to be here." i ask the angel

"this is just a stop place so i may tell you what is up to come come sit by the water"

we walked over to the brooke i sat down.

"what do you mean whats up ahead?"

"what do yoyu mean where i should go i was good all my life trusted god i think i went thought more then anoffe to say i going to hevan"

"that child is not for you to decide come your fisrt trial is about to began"

we stode up then i saw what looked like a hole at the far end of the fields it was coming towards us.

"your first trial is to walk in the dark i will be ther you must trust me "

  We walk to the hole. i lookeeeeeed in it was dark

Author's Note

yea...just to let you know this is partly real...... a three year old boy was found in a freezer and the cops asked how he got there he said a man with wings put him there thats why i didnt describe him more i wanted to stick to the normal story so.....yea

Reviews

[Gerri Tucker]

I definitely like this a lot. I agree with Blue Moon Ice Cream on everything they said. I would say add more description. Give us a few more senses, and clean up the dialogue just a bit. Watch punctuation, and really let us feel the people speaking. The angel itself felt a bit cold and foreign, but if you give us a description, something to touch and hang onto, he could become much more tangible. The same with the mother. Just give your writing a bit more 'oomph' and this could be a winning piece. It has a lot of potential.

[Destiny D]

you make awesome stories keep it up

[ब्र&#..]

I like it, great job!
alltid
-Meja

[Dragon]

Cool. You're good at stories and poems. Great job. I really do like this because you give it so much thought like your poems. :)

[Jessiee]

really good. i like it. :)

[Lily Mae]

And it's just that simple.. :) Great write...xx

[Kiari Sabon]

i like it

[brenda]

agree with all reviews i love the story!:)

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

I liked the ending, but I think this would be more effective if you described everything a little more, particularly the angel. The scene was very touching, though. Just go through and proofread a little more to make sure that you put spaces after a period. (I've always been taught to put two, but some people say one is fine. Either way, there were some places where you had no spaces, or a space before the period.) Also, watch out for run-on sentences--I noticed a few of them--and make sure you put a period at the end of every sentence.

[quinfinn]

and entered the kingdom of heaven? very nice write!