Father No Longer To Daughter

a poem about what i have felt in these past 7 months.

I remember back when my dad and I talked.

We would have serious discussions;

Political and modern day issues.

And there he is now; probably feeling mocked.

I hurt my little sister and little brother,

I don’t think I caused anything else but a load of s**t for my stepmom.

I think I hurt him,

But I mostly hurt myself; why even bother?

I call and call and none have returned,

And all I can feel is self pity and regret.

“Nothing is going to do itself for you, Em, things just don’t work that way and you don’t always get another chance”, he said before.

Now my feelings of love and happiness have been slowly shriveling up; scorching; burned.

And I remember when I was placed in the hospital.

He came to visit me, and we talked for a long time.

He said to me after I explained my opinion on why I shouldn’t be there,” I don’t think your crazy either. Everyone is weird; the world would be pretty dumb if everyone was considered ‘normal’.”

I remember it; I doubt he does at all.

And what I wouldn’t give for another one of those long walks, or a silent, big ol’ fat dad hug again.

Dad, I’d sing John Denver’s “I’m Sorry” over and over again to you.

But I don’t think it would make much difference.

My feelings would still be drowned in rain.

“Keep at it, Em. You still need all A’s to pass in my book.”

And I am trying dad,

But if you were in my mind you’d suffocate in all my questions and confusion.

And now the eyes of my soul have been sewn shut; I can’t tell where to look.

I feel the skin of my worst thoughts and emotions peeling,

And I wish I could go back to that f***ing ridiculous moment and bury myself in a ditch; stopping most of what I said and did; stopping it all.

I feel like the trouble in Cat Stevens’ song.

Hah, it’s the worst feeling.

But I want to see you again and make up with a super, gigantic, death hug.

I still love you, you know.

And I hope you’ll wise me up.

But do it fast, because I feel my grave being dug.

Author's Note

I kind of lost myself in these past 7 months from acting immature towards my dad's family. I hadn't written since then and sorry if it seems amateur.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A excellent story A Father had great burden. I have four children and hard to be kind all the time. Thank you for sharing. We learn with time to be more kind to family.
Coyote.

[raincloud]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1tRB7-aBr8
here's the trouble song.