Chapter-1

Chapter-1 of the Novel, On Being Loved and Getting Almost Killed.

"Remember. I always loved you!"

"Doctor!" yelled the Head Nurse.

"He is alive! I could feel the pulse!" The duty doctor, who is much younger than the nurse in both age and experience rushed towards the newest patient brought into the hospital Casualty.

This is the busiest day of his career so far. In his tenure of two years, he has never seen this much of patient in-flow to this government run Hospital.

Since morning, followed by a freak accident at the nearby flyover, tens of wounded people were brought to this Area Hospital. 

The patient, a healthy looking young man in his early twenties, unconscious and covered with blood all over his face, was lifted from the stretcher, carried and placed on an empty bed in the corner.

The Head Nurse skillfully scrubbed the blood over the patient's face. A nursing trainee student was busy tying the B.P ligature around him, all the while feeling for his pulse.

"Look for any wounds." Ordered the older nurse to the trainee. "Here, let me help you." The young doctor reached beside the trainee and started to assist her in her work.

The trainee was blushing whenever his hands were touching hers.

"What a lecher!" thought the Head Nurse.

"That's Strange! I could not find any wounds!

There was so much blood though!

His pulse is strong and the B.P is normal." lamented the young doctor while inspecting the patient.

Both the trainee and the Head Nurse were looking at him anxiously. 

"Is there any problem?" out of nowhere boomed the voice of the Senior Duty Doctor.

All the three felt a sense of relief on seeing him.

The young doctor hastily explained his confusion regarding the patient.

Unperturbed, the Senior doctor approached the bed, he pulled out a pen-torch out his coat, lifted the eyelid of the patient and focused the light.

"Mister. What is your name?" he yelled.

"Me too. I always loved you Meghana!"

"Me..gha..naa" mumbled the young man.

"Megh...what? Meghanath? Is your name Meghanath, mister?" The senior doctor yelled again, all the while checking his eyes, nose, mouth and both the ears.

He turned towards his subordinates and concluded,

"That's not his blood. He was just unconscious that's all." and walked away to attend another patient.

The young man who was gaining his consciousness, started to get himself out of the bed, all the while mumbling the same word again and again.

"Meghana…Meghana!"

"Mister Meghanath! Please stay still on the bed, you are still recovering, you may lose your consciousness again." the Head Nurse warned him sternly.

But the young man refused.

He was becoming irritable by the minute.

"Quick! Load and bring an ampoule of Valium!" boomed the Head Nurse's voice towards the trainee.

The young doctor intervened. His senior was almost right about everything except the name of the patient!

"He is not 'Meghanath'!"

He grabbed the hand of the young man with one hand and placed the other hand over the young man's shoulder and said, "Mister! I will bring Meghana for you.

But first you need to tell me your name and where you are from." in a soothing manner.

This seemed to did the trick! Both the nurses were watching them wide eyed.

The young man's agitation stopped!

With teary eyes he turned towards the doctor and spoke softly, "I love her!"

The doctor smiled,

"Yes. I know that. But what is your name?"

"I am… Raju!"

the young man fainted and collapsed on the bed.

As a result of a furious lobbying of a politician-turned realtor, the rocky uplands surrounding a tiny water pocket in the heart of the Hyderabad city, slowly transformed itself into a 'state of the art' residential complex zone, comprising both individual duplex houses as well as multi storeyed residential apartments, named as the Golden Hills!

The Golden Hills residential area soon garnered much popularity as the would be poshest area in the entire metropolitan of Hyderabad, both from the elite to the commoners of the society alike, and were completely sold out soon after their completion. 

However, within a year after it was completely occupied, almost half of the flats and the individual houses were either rented out or resold by the owners for only a quarter of the original price, owing to the severe water scarcity in the area!

Travelling through the slanty uphill roads of the Golden Hills is indeed an uphill task!

Anuhya got down the auto-rickshaw, which was struggling to accelerate but failing to climb up the road.

She paid the driver, pulled out her suitcase bag from the auto and started walking up the road.

"Tsk! This is difficult!" she thought, eyeing the road ahead of her.

Soon, a smile of surprise erupted all over her face as she saw Sandhya, her sister-in-law coming down the road by a two-wheeler.

Sandhya drove down the downhill slowly and carefully, finally stopping her bike infront of Anuhya.

"I told you to wait no!? No auto would dare to climb these roads!" Sandhya laughed heartily and spoke with a tone of feigned anger. 

As Anuhya was fumbling for her words, Sandhya took the luggage from her hands and placed it over the leg space of the two-wheeler and motioned her to hop over.

Without any thought, Anuhya did as she was told and the two wheeler struggled but started accelerating up the road.

All the while, Anuhya could not help but thinking how beautiful her sister in law looked!

Anuhya felt a pang of guilt!

Soon after the marriage of her elder brother, she went off to Delhi to pursue her education and never even once called her brother or Sandhya nor enquired about how they are!

But now! As soon as she called up for help, Sandhya promptly invited to her home without any second thought. 

Soon the two wheeler entered into a spacious apartment complex's parking lot.

Despite Anuhya's protest, Sandhya gladly took the luggage and started walking along with it.

They entered the lift and Sandhya pressed the button '15' of the panel.

The lift started moving noiselessly.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Anuhya decided to break the ice,

"I am so sorry vadina* (sister in law)!

I don't know where else to go.

That's the reason I called you." she said apologetically.

Sandhya eyed her sternly.

"So you just come in here after two years, only because you have nowhere to go?!" she spoke acidly.

Anuhya was on the verge of tears. As she started mumbling incoherently, Sandhya winked at her, laughed out loud and hugged her tightly.

"Hey! I am sorry dear. I am just fooling around with you! You know you are always welcome here!" she said.

As the lift doors opened, both of them stepped outside and Sandhya walked towards a nearby door, pulled out a bunch of keys from her handbag, opened the door of her flat and gestured,

"Welcome to our humble abode, my princess!" aping a royal palace usher.

Anuhya laughed heartily and entered the flat.

Her laugh disappeared immediately as she stood there watching the hall.

Elegantly decorated wall paintings, floral patterned curtains, sleek sofa set and a carpet that accentuated the room's beauty! The ambience was magnificent!

"No way! My brother never had this much taste or talent in decoration. This must be you!"

Anuhya blurted out in sheer amazement.

Sandhya smiled modestly.

"Well! He never said no to anything I ask.

Anyway do you like it or not?" She asked.

"Like it? I loved it!" Anuhya exclaimed with a grin and went on to hug her.

They hugged tightly for a moment and Sandhya spoke,

"Ok dear! There is your room.

Have a bath, meanwhile I will start cooking for both of us. 

Feel free to do anything okay?!" pointing out a room.

The room was much spacious than Anuhya imagined. She took a bath, dressed up and after seeing the bed infront of her she felt like taking a quick nap.

Laying there on the bed, she let her thoughts ran fast into the past.

Being the youngest in her family, Anuhya was always the most pampered one. Her two elder brothers were brought up in a strict and disciplined manner by their father. But when it comes to Anuhya, he always laxed the rules. 

Her father is a senior officer in Indian Railways, who recently got himself transferred to their native city Hyderabad, in order to spend the rest of his life after retirement.

Her mother, being a home-maker is the most influential in both her and her brothers lives.

Her eldest brother Adithya, cracked the Civil Services* and got admitted into Indian Police Service (IPS)! Soon after the completion of his training, he was posted here in Hyderabad and eventually got married to Sandhya.

Her second brother Acharya, who is only a year elder to her and with whom she was very close, encouraged her to pursue civils and together they went to Delhi for coaching.

Her parents cordially obliged.

"I have the best parents! We are a happy family!" 

She thought until that day!

That particular day, when Acharya married his classmate, all hell broke loose in their family!

As soon as the newly married couple; holding each others hands and with fresh flower garlands worn around their necks, entered the house, the parents were both shocked and furious!

Her father immediately hurled abusive expletives and started assaulting both of them!

Her mother joined too!

Anuhya was shocked, not because of what her brother did, but by seeing this backlash of hatred from their so-called ever-loving parents!

Despite being projected out to everyone as open-minded, forward and liberal people, they were now showing their true colours by furiously opposing this inter-caste, inter-faith and inter-community marriage!

Hearing the loud noises and shouts, the neighbours came and instantly joined in the abuse too!

Nobody came to defend the young couple!

The girl Acharya married is a North-Easterner and a Christian!

She was called a chinky*and a gold-digger by her father and was beaten both by his mother as well as the neighborhood women who came after hearing this ruckus.

They started to physically seperate the couple then and there by pushing the young woman outside the house.

However, Acharya vehemently fought the mob and rescued his newly wed bride.

He desperately tried to convince his parents to accept her, only to fail in vain!

They proposed an ultimatum!

Either them or her!

Acharya decided the latter and had to leave the house!

Anuhya was shell shocked! Not only did she failed to defend her brother, but also she could not find the guts to stop her parents from abusing the young couple, especially the innocent woman who married his brother!

She just became a mute spectator to the violence that occurred in front of her eyes.

She was terribly ashamed, more of her cowardice rather than her parents' insolence.

Two days later, a police constable came to their house stating that a complaint, regarding a missing young woman has been filed in Guwahati*, against Acharya!

Anuhya eventually came to know that the young woman's family, knowing that she had eloped along with Acharya, has lodged a complaint as her whereabouts have been unknown from the past two days.

Sensing trouble, her father informed this matter to Adithya.

Till then Adithya had no idea about the 'incident' that had occurred in his family!

He was severely outraged by the barbaric act done by his parents, that too on their own son and his new wife!

What shocked him more is their indifference and their defensive attitude to the way they behaved in the name of 'preserving the family honour'!

Using his influence as a police officer Adithya started tracing his missing brother and his wife.

Unfortunately, it was too late!

Leaving the house humiliated and bruised, Acharya and his wife were exhausted both physically and mentally.

They vowed to each other, never to set foot in this house again and decided to go to Delhi to start their life on their own, afresh!

However, on their way to the airport, the young woman had lost her consciousness!

The cab driver, in a sense of hurry to rush her to the hospital upon the insistence of Acharya, immediately took a wrong turn on the highway and even before he could contemplate, the car was rammed head on to a heavy truck coming very fast in the opposite direction, killing all the occupants in it almost instantly!

Anuhya was devastated beyond words!

Acharya was always her better brother!

Her best friend and guide, to whom she is closer than anyone in the family.

However, what pained her more was her parents' insensitivity towards the tragedy.

They declared it as the 'divine justice' that has been meted out on Acharya for marrying against his parents' wishes!

They even forbid themselves to atleast have a last look of their son's dead body and shunned themselves from performing the last rites!

It was Adithya, who took the responsibility of performing last rites to his dead brother.

He even informed the women's parents and did his best to ensure her corpse reach her hometown safely for the last rites. Anuhya helped him throughout this painful ordeal in whatever way deemed possible to her.

After the completion of the last rites of his brother and other formalities, Anuhya vowed herself never to see her parents' faces again!

"You people are worse than animals!

Even wild animals mourn the death of their kin!

I am disgusted to say that you are my parents!" 

She came out of the house with a few of her belongings and as she had nowhere to go, she called Sandhya! 

As Anuhya laid there exhausted on the bed, with painful memories tormenting her from getting a sleep, she turned her head to see Sandhya sat on the bed close to her.

"Anuhya! Haven't you slept?"

Even before she could complete that sentence, Anuhya immediately rose from the bed and hugged her sister in law tightly.

Then. She started crying!

The shock, the anger, the denial, the humiliation, the pain and the irreparable loss she had endured in the past few days were now seeping out of her in the form of tears.

She cried her heart out.

"This is bad!" The Boss thought. "Maybe worse!" 

He was watching the message on his phone,

"They are all dead! Everyone of them." the message read.

As he was still recovering from the shock, his phone rang.

"Oh! Not him!"

That is an important call he cannot miss!

He immediately lifted the call.

The caller was angry. More angry than he had anticipated.

"I want him dead!" was the last words he spoke before cutting the call.

He turned his head up to see the SCIENTIST entering the room, with a sense of achievement and a look of childish excitement. "Inform the Chinaman, phase two of the PROJECT is a success!

"...."

 By the way, I need that guy alive! What's his name again?"

 "Raju!"

 ...to be continued. 

                                   End of Chapter-1 

Authors' notes:

 *vadina - is Sister in law in Telugu, the majority spoken language in Hyderabad. 

*Civil Services - popularly called as the civils, Indian Civil Service Examinations are one of the most commonly sought after, most numerously attempted and one of the toughest exams to crack, in India.

Passing the exam, may get one admitted into either of the courses, Indian Administrative Services (IAS) or Indian Police Services (IPS).

*chinky - Literally, 'belongs to China' due to their mixed features, a derogatory and an offensive word to describe the people of North-East India.

*Guwahati - capital city of Assam, a state in Northern India.

Author's Note

The characters, places and incidents included in the book are entirely imaginary and does not bear any resemblance to any person living or dead. This work is genuinely mine and is entirely fictional.
The timeline of the story is from years 2010 to 2012, in a fictional Medical College situated at the outskirts of Hyderabad, India. Most of the character names in the story are Indian, especially South Indian.

Reviews

[JayG]

I truly wish I had better news. But again, this is you, the narrator, talking ABOUT the story—explaining what you see happening in the film version you see in your mind, plus little asides to clarify. That’s a report technique, and while it does inform the reader, it can’t entertain. Problem is, the reader comes to us to be entertained. Look at the opening as a reader will.

• "Doctor!" yelled the Head Nurse.

As the chapter opens we don’t know where we are or what's going on. You say “head nurse,” but of what department? The hospital’s head nurse doesn’t see patients because s/he is an administrator. And if this is in the emergency ward, learning where we are even a line later can’t retroactively remove the lack of context here. There is only one first impression, so it needs to be a good one.

Without context as it’s read, this could be the nurse calling out to a doctor who’s leaving the hospital, or entering it. The nurse might be in a bar, spotting the doctor coming in to meet her for dinner. So where they are makes a great deal of difference to the ambiance of the scene, and the picture the reader creates in their mind.

My point is, unless we know where we are in time and space, and what’s going on, the words have no meaning for-the-reader. You know, of course. But that helps the reader not at all.

• "He is alive! I could feel the pulse!"

He? Who is "he?" How can this have meaning to a reader if we don’t know who she’s talking about, and why she’s feeling for a pulse? She could be a veterinary nurse talking about a bear, a dog, or any male living thing. She could be the nurse on a battleship or this could be what a patron in a bar is hearing on the TV. You know. The nurse knows. That doctor knows. But what about the reader?

Here’s the thing: When you read, every line acts as a pointer to images, ideas, memories, and more, in-your-mind. So you not only get the words, you get everything else in the scene. But what about the reader? For a reader, every line acts as a pointer to images, ideas, memories, and more, in-YOUR-mind, not theirs. And with you not there to explain when it’s read…

You have intent for how the reader is to take each line, and for the scene as a whole. But when we release our words to the world, we, our intent, and everything about us becomes irrelevant because it’s unknowable. And for any given reader, it’s the words we chose, and what they suggest to THAT reader, based on their background. But every reader may differ in gender, age, culture, and pretty much everything else. So how can our words mean the same thing to each reader? The answer is, they can’t. But if that’s true, how can a reader see the story as we hope they will?

So obviously, there’s a problem. If we simply tell the reader what happens, reporting as an external observer, it reads like a report by a narrator whose voice lacks all trace of emotion. Added to that, the reader uses their own background and preconceptions as a filter. So when you say the word “doctor,” for example, they will probably picture the last doctor they saw, which is not likely to be the sutuation you envision.

The solution? Make your reader know the scene as-your-protagonist-does. Make them know what has the character’s attention in the moment they call “now.” It is their story, after all. Make them know what the protagonist thinks is important to take care of first, and why. Make them know what resources the protagonist can select from. Do that and your reader BECOMES the protagonist and views the action as that character does, so there is no misunderstanding, or interjection of the reader’s preconceptions. That way you involve the reader emotionally, and make them NEED to turn the pages.

This article is an expansion on that thought, and may clarify:
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2015/05/13/inside-out-the-grumpy-writing-coach/

It’s not the way we learned to write, because our schooling serves to prepare us for employment, not professional fiction writing. And because of that, no matter how many ways we try to use our nonfiction skills the result will read like nonfiction. As Mark Twain wisely observed many years ago, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

So the first order of business is to get rid of our, “Just ain’t so.”

Again, I’m sorry my news isn’t better. But it is NOT a matter of good or bad writing, or talent. It’s one of learning the tricks of the trade of our profession, because like every other field, it’s a matter of “becoming.”

Hope this helps.

[aarpee1234]

First of all Thank you for your time. Secondly, imagine we cooked a dish. The final thing we expect is whether it is termed as good or bad by the ones whom we served. Is it necessary for them if I cut my onions or sliced them or diced them as long as the dish is ok? You are asking me to take the reader into the story. It is like asking the customer to join into the kitchen? What is the point? What the customer finally needs is a good dish for his palate, how it is made is not an issue. I'm talking about an average customer/reader not connoisseurs. Also expert connoisseurs must be sensible what dish they are tasting before commenting. I mean an Italian dish connoisseur cannot readily compare the taste and quality of a masala dosa with that of a pizza! He needs to understand the context of preparation. That is the reason I have given foot notes. Anyway one more thing I have noticed is, since this is your second review, you just taste only a slice to judge it! I just want to say that these are not fruits to be judged with just a slice, these are dishes. Yes I feel my works are like dishes, especially Indian dishes, where you cannot judge just by taking a spoonful. You need to eat it up entirely and then you need to realize what's the final spice that lingered in your mouth! A small example, You see, you said, the nurse could be anywhere, had you been patient enough to read the whole sentence, you could have noticed the sentence ended with 'hospital Casualty'.
I know my work still needs a lot of improvement but I feel these are the issues that came to my mind when I read your review. Do correct me. Thank you once again.

[JayG]

• You are asking me to take the reader into the story.

No. I’m telling you what you must do if you want your reader to turn the page. It’s not something I demand, it’s what readers demand. Remember, we’re not entertained by reading a report because it’s fact-based and aurthor-centric, as is this piece. But that doesn’t involve the reader—which is what they want—it only informs. And if you cannot make your reader care what happens to the protagonist they will not turn even the first page. In the words of Sol Stein:

“A novel is like a car—it won’t go anywhere until you turn on the engine. The “engine” of both fiction and nonfiction is the point at which the reader makes the decision not to put the book down. The engine should start in the first three pages, the closer to the top of page one the better.

Where would you say, in the first three pages (a bit less than 750 words) of your novel, the reader will lean back and say, “Hmm…tell me more.”?

• What the customer finally needs is a good dish for his palate, how it is made is not an issue.

Absolutely not. How the meal is made—beginning with selection and preparation of the ingredients—has everything to do with the diner’s pleasure. Unless the chef knows what they’re doing, and has professional skills, your customer will walk away after a single taste.

Will you learn how to prepare the centerpiece of Cajon food, what’s called The Trinity, by eating it? Can you tell that it needs to be simmered for many hours to develop it’s signature taste, or what those ingredients are? No. Did the TV you watch teach you to write a screenplay? No. Did reading newspapers make you a journalist, or an editor? Again no. Given that, why would you think that the general skills we learn in our school days teach us the profession of writing fiction for the page? If it did we’d all be successful writers.

To create any product you need the process. And the process of writing fiction—the craft and specialized knowledge needed—is not even touched on during our school years, where we wrote endless reports and essays to prepare us for the kind of writing most employers require. We’re not taught accounting, medicine, engineering, OR fiction writing, because they’re professions, to be learned IN ADDITION to our schooldays skills.

They offer four-year majors in all of those at the universities. You can’t bypass the acquisition of that knowledge in ANY of those fields and expect to be a success.

No one insists you write in the way publishers demand of those trying to sell a manuscript. You can do anything you care to…unless, of course, you want people to pay to read it.

• Anyway one more thing I have noticed is, since this is your second review, you just taste only a slice to judge it!

If you lose the reader by confusing them on line one will they read on? No. But more than that, if line one, and two, and three display the same basic problem, what’s gained by pointing out the same problem again and again after that?

You’re thinking in terms of the reader liking “the story.” I’ve had clients say, “But after you get to know my characters, you’ll love them.”

If only.

Reader are with us for one reason: They want to be entertained. And while they’ll be forgiving for a paragraph or two, if you provide no more than a transcription of a narrator talking ABOUT the story there can be no entertainment.

Writing 101 tells the student, early, that there are three questions the reader wants answered quickly when entering any scene, so as to have context for what’s happening. If you’re not aware of what they are, or that they exist, will you address them? The answer is no. It’s not a matter of talent. It’s that if we don’t know the tricks of the trade, we’re in the position Mark Twain mentioned when he said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

• You see, you said, the nurse could be anywhere, had you been patient enough to read the whole sentence, you could have noticed the sentence ended with 'hospital Casualty'.

Were this a submission to ANY publisher, they would probably stop reading at line one, and not see it. Why? First, because a nurse might call out to a doctor, but not “yell.” And, because without knowing where we are as we read the line it has no context.

Line two would cause a rejection because anyone who arrives at emergency is assumed to be alive. After all, if they’re dead they don’t need a hospital. So they would report the heart rate, not be surprised that the heart is beating.

It might be that in your story everyone thought the patient was dead, and was walking away when the nurse discovered that he was alive. That situation might rate a call out. But you’ve not set that scene.

Look, I don’t mean to insult you. And I certainly don’t want to discourage you. But realistically, I can see major problems everywhere. But…they all trace back to one single problem: You haven’t yet spent meaningful time on acquiring your writer’s education. And while it might be nice, enthusiasm and a sincere desire to entertain the reader isn’t enough.

That’s not your fault, because no one tells us there is more to learn, so we leave school thinking that writing is writing and we have that taken care of. But think about it, and relate it to cooking: If you want the customer to enjoy your food as much as that of a successful chef don’t you need the skills of that chef? To perform like a pro in any field you have to know what the pro knows. There’s no way around that.

Is that welcome news? Of course not. And it hurts to learn it. I know because I’ve been there. But it’s something we all face on the way to publication.

Can you reject everything I said? Of course. And you can try to sell your work, show it only to friends, or just write for yourself. No one will object to that, least of all me. Remember, you did ask me to comment. And what I suggest is just that, suggestions.

Yes, in this case the suggestions come from someone who has been through the publication process more than once or twice, and who owned a manuscript critiquing service. And they’re given with the intent of helping you write with greater skill. But I carry no whip and demand nothing.

[aarpee1234]

This is a much more sensible review than the first one. Thanks again for your time. I'll do better next time.

[LazerRays]

Nice! Although, you may want to put a POV above when the point of view changes so we know whom to expect and not be confused. Other than that, I'm hooked :)

[aarpee1234]

Hey. Thanks for your time. I'll keep it in mind about your POV suggestion. But I feel keeping a header would ruin the continuity and the reason I left spaces in between is a subtle way of showing that the context has been changed. Anyway thank you once again