I'm fine

To all those who ask me, what is in her that I love her so much, this is:

All I hope is that

one day...

One day if I could lend you my eyes,

You will see what beauty is.

You will see beauty

in her fine eyes.

Those which will compel

you to drown in her depth.

You will see beauty

in her fine smile.

That which will make

you fall for her every time.

You will see beauty

in her fine face.

More beautiful than any other...

One day if I could lend you my ears,

You will hear what beauty is.

You will hear beauty

in her fine laughter.

That which will force

you to laugh with her.

You will hear beauty

in her fine voice.

That which will make

you forget everything else.

You will hear beauty 

when she calls your name.

When you realise your

name was so beautiful.

When you feel your name

is so safe in her fine lips...

One day if I could lend you my fingers,

You will touch what beauty is.

You will touch beauty

in her fine skin.

So soft, you won't 

put your hands off.

You will touch beauty

in her fine hands.

Those which if are in

yours, you own the world.

You will touch beauty

in her fine hair.

Curling at the perfect

place, adding beauty

to the beautiful...

One day if I could lend you my lips,

You will kiss what beauty is.

You will kiss beauty

in her fine lips.

So tempting, you would 

kiss her endlessly.

You will kiss beauty

in her fine forehead.

That which will 

make her yours forever.

You will kiss beauty

in her fine cheeks.

The love that she'll

give you would definitely

leave you wordless...

And then would you realise what beauty is.

And when you ask her, "How are you?"

She'll just say, "I'm fine."

Author's Note

In case you missed I played with the word 'fine' in the entire poem.

Reviews

[Stephen Scaggs]

I really liked the structure of the poem and I thought it was very creative. Thank you for asking me to read this. I like how the poem flows with the first part being about what you can see, the second part being more about her laughter, etc. Very methodical and it sounds very real. Thanks again!

Rating: 9.5/10.

[Rahul Chhabra]

Thanks a lot. It gives me delight to see you liking it.

[J. J. Nightingale]

Love sees and hears, only beauty.. I like that, it is a Fine idea..



Jasmine..:)

[Rahul Chhabra]

Thank you for your fine response. :)

[J. J. Nightingale]

You are welcome................Jasmine

[Kierstyn]

I really enjoyed your repetition with the phrase, "In her fine___." I like the sense of courting a woman and the old fashioned feel of falling in love that you convey in this poem. Your writing is lovely. :)

[Rahul Chhabra]

Thanks a lot. :)

[Lone_Wolf]

Awww I love it!!! It shows your love for this woman and I can imagine every word. So vivid!!!!! I love it!!!!!!

[Rahul Chhabra]

Thank you for your response. :)

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Rahul.
Welcome to the WritersCafe … it is great to make your acquaintance.

This is quite the creative poem, I like the title, how you used it throughout, and finished with her answering with it to tie everything together in the end. Traveling through her "fine" features was quite enjoyable, too, especially when it got to the kissing and feeling parts … LOL!

I enjoyed your poetical voice in the endings of each verse, and I enjoyed your originality, too.
The best hint I can begin with to help make this a better piece would be to reduce the size of your font at least two sizes, for a good mind/eye appeal, visual continuity, and ease of reading.

I think you have a "fine" potential as a poet, and I most gratefully thank you for sharing this most enjoyable read! ⁓ Richard

[Rahul Chhabra]

I reduced the font size. I seriously needed someone to tell me how it actually "looks". I thank you for that.
Thank you for taking out time and reviewing it.

[Richard🖌]

Well, it looks better, but the font is still too big, Rahul … see this font we're talking in? Make your poem's font one size bigger than this and it will be perfect.

You are most welcome! ~ RJ

[Rahul Chhabra]

Is it fine Now?

[J. J. Nightingale]

It looks fine...lol

[Rahul Chhabra]

Thank you.

[Richard🖌]

Listen to Jasmine … she knows. : )

[J. J. Nightingale]

LOL...............................:)

[Rahul Chhabra]

He He :D :)

[Richard🖌]

BTW:
If you have not yet, Rahul, be sure to read and review Jasmine's (J. J. Nightingale) poetry … she is one of the most amazing writers onsite, and i am not the only one who thinks so.

(reduce the font one more size … LOL!)

[J. J. Nightingale]

Leave the font alone !! LMAO

[Richard🖌]

Ha-hahhh!
I'm everruled by my superior! ❤

[J. J. Nightingale]

Damn Straight......lol

[Richard🖌]

I humbly bow …

[J. J. Nightingale]

:).............................

[Rahul Chhabra]

I will definitely read Jasmine's poetry Richard. Thank you Richard and Jasmine for your enlightening views. :)

[Richard🖌]

It is a pleasure, Our New Friend … be sure to read something of mine, too … LOL! : )

[J. J. Nightingale]

LOL.........YES.....:)

[Rahul Chhabra]

Yes, yes. Be assured. I will never miss an opportunity to read amazing writing. :)

[Richard🖌]

It is a pleasure sharing with you, Rahul 🌟

[E.L. Debbage]

I like the ending and how she replies 'I'm fine'. There's something humorous about it, I can imagine the man replying 'yes, indeed you are'. Haha. Wonderful write, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece.
Ellen.

[Rahul Chhabra]

Thank you for your response. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the poem. A old fashion feel of words and thoughts. I like the flow of thought create a kind beauty with the positive description. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Rahul Chhabra]

Thanks a lot for taking out time. If you have some more time to spare, it would be really kind of you to suggest me a few improvements that I can make here and in future.

[Coyote Poetry]

Today I go back to work. In four days I will be back. Send me read requests and I will review with more detail.

[Rahul Chhabra]

Thank you.