The Prince

Satin, golden robes

depositing himself on his ever-glowing throne  

country-dwellers praise his good looks and figure

presented in the highest fashion

Ill and weary

wishing for rest

placing his head on the marble arm

"Awake, Arise, my Lord," the butler alleged

The Butler in black

influencing the boy to stay awake

forcing him to watch the sun haze

the princes' eye glued to the sunshine gaze

keeping the boy awake for lengthened days

30% eye lid shown

"Awake , Arise, my Lord!" tugging at his golden robe.

Fuming, irritated and gnashing his teeth , smiles at the Butler's soul

Ordering a purifying beverage that has permanently fastened tightly to his diet

There goes the crow, flying along the pasted pavements of glass

VASHINED!

The darkened lines

under his blue colored eyes

suddenly grow deply ; increased

Begging for a few moments of peace

The whispers of the  unfamiliar taste

envisioning deformed bodies from the unknown face

Angels in long gowns

laughing as though they were clowns

taking off their masks

"What has caused thy surfaces!?" The Prince asks

Prince of divine titles

grabs hold of his dagger

tugged neatly under the pillow beholding his weight on his throne

"Prepare peasant," The boy shrieks with power and vengeance .

"I shall Kill the crow at once!"

Drooled agony kisses the boy on the lips as the blood scurries from his tongue and eye 

Stabbing his own flesh

"Awake, Arise, my Lord," the crow spoke in devilish tongue with the driest of eyes

holding the purifying beverage in the witches hand , smirking at the boys' defeat.

Standing tall, groomed and gorgeous the Butler is presented in the highest of ALL fashions.

Reviews

[Saddam]

A story telling poetry, there are little bit short comings but as originally art that must be look like. Beautifully maintain you words and flow of story-poem. Nice.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

This is very strange, I won't lie. Some aspects are not clear to me. All the same, bravo for your originality -as always!! This is the kind of story that Bob Dylan would sing about. It is, to me, like a piece of a larger story, with all the pith and marrow of a page out of a great novel. I can tell you are using symbolism here, but I must be honest and say the meanings are not entirely clear to me...This is not bad, just not as accessible as I am used to. It seems allegorical. The crow is clearly an essential player and symbol. The butler is a major part, a kind of usurper. Also I notice there is a cycle of four lines, making this seem to me kind of like lyrics. I'm sure it could go to music. I really like the way you say he has fastened tightly this (alcoholic?) beverage to his diet. I also like the term "pavements of glass." What I see here and in all your work is originality. While this doesn't work as well for me as much of your work, it is also clearly a great start. I see there is a lot of potential here and it also shows your diversity as an author. You can write all KINDS of poetry from many perspectives. That is one of the many ways you are talented!

[Julie Spade]

I aknowleged the fact that it was going to be odd as my fingertips began typing for themselves . I am evidently obessed with Edgar Allen Poe, I am influenced by his obscure words and his emotional connection to each piece of his work. The allegory theory you have is 100% right! I wanted to symbolize insanity/schizophrenia and how it affects after the lengthened days of no sleep and rest. The butler in the story doesn't now exist, for he is keeping himself awake and kills himself in a bitterway . The crow and peasants ars not there, having a narcissitic moment withib himself praising his beauty and how much of an amazing prince he is
The beverage in the story is alcohol because i wanted to keep his innocence intact with the fact that he has no idea of the sideeffects yet it just worsens the problem with his visions and what not... thank you for your feedback I really appreciate but I have a question to ask you. What do you suppose I do...I am in fear that the readers will not understand the "reading in between the lines" concept very well and I don't want to change my poem :'( HELP

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I think that allowing your finger tips free reign is ALWAYS a good idea!! If they want to do that, then you should just thank them and stay out of their way! OOOHHHH!!! You mentioned my idol!!! Edgar is one of the all-time greatest greats that it is almost impossible to ignore as one of the most technical and precise masters of poetry the world has ever known. His RECONDITE words are favorites of mine, as well! Did you know he was also a master of codebreaking and cyphers?? He does always have a terrific connection to all his work. It gives his work incredible integrity. You know his words held weight even in his own life at the time he wrote it. Also I know a lot about schizophrenia, and before that sounds weird, I will just say I have a close family member who is afflicted with that disease. Have you ever stayed up for days? I have. Once for over 156 hours. It really does interesting things to your mind. I wonder if a way to show the non-existence of some of the characters would be to switch in and out of a omnipotent narration...which then becomes a voice within the main character's head, but not before giving hints that what he is seeing is not so...I figured that the drink was alcohol. Many people with schizophrenia self-medicate with alcohol or cigarettes. I am happy to give you my feedback. Let me give you the best advice I know: Trust in your reader and they will surprise you with what they can figure out. Readers LIKE puzzles. Just give them a clue that says, "This is a PUZZLE," and they will know what they have to do and will love you for making a maze for them to negotiate. There really is something to that. Readers need a subtle confirmation of what they THINK they know. YOU also need to know that If they guess there is a puzzle and there isn't one, it will make them furious. The best thing to do is to leave "Easter eggs" in your work, so that those who know will pick up details no one else does. It is like the extras on a DVD; There are always going to be people (especially in your case) who like your work enough to want MORE. The best way to give them more is to hide things in your poems. Just like drawing a maze, you can't make it TOO hard or no one will even try it. You also can't make it to easy or you insult the intelligence of the reader!! I really think that maybe having the main character questioning himself a bit more, would make sense and allow for a little bit of "omnipotent narration" being hidden as just another side of the schizophrenic person's thoughts.