Karma Is An Overconfident , B***h!

Name from birth tosses to sinful tongues

keeping my heart sinless and young

I pray the olden bell has rung

taunt me for my looks

as I misinterpret books

I cannot read without shaking

feel as though the ground is quaking

Self assured children

encaged with shadows of gray

enraged at the fact you are gay

shakes the poisons rattle

leaving me cold..

and mourning from the painful reality I shall wake up from

screaming and weary .

Pain exists within my soul

for my past isn't clean

lies, lies, lies

continued, once, in me !

A virtue to be learned!

Tisk, tisk tisk! Blue eyed child was once me

I now know, to choose honesty

Overheard the three headed snakes

calling in cruelty

ripping apart my beauty..

Do I fight for what I am today

or shrug, indicating it is okay?

Is this how it tastes within my mouth, karma?

or is this an evident drama?

continuing from my everlasting trauma..

let go of the past they speak

as I pray upon my battered , bruised feet

Author's Note

I wonder if I get bullied from what I have done in the past such as lying and betraying others when I was much younger maybe this is karma taking it's course yet, I feel I have received it harshly enough and deserve to be forgiven by my very self.

Reviews

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Honestly the first few lines threw me a little bit. They rhyme and chime wonderfully but I don't feel like the meaning is completely clear. This frequently happens in my poetry too (see Vile Incest) so I am not being judgmental, just giving you my honest first reaction. As our nude friend says below though, I agree. Absolution is a noble and divine aspiration. Atonement is a purification eagerly to be desired. What a terrific topic. I love to rate poetry not just on words and rhymes and structure, but on the rarity and originality of the actual overall concept. This is a great concept for a poem. I also don't agree about what The Nude Writer says concerning three headed snakes; Please include them more often! If you can make them as relevant as this then it could be your "thing!" -Or one of you chosen symbols...I love when authors chose their own unique symbolism. That shows more than anything you have legitimate creative talent. Using your own symbols instead of borrowing from other people's is always a huge grade boost, if I were an English professor getting this as an assignment! I also must comment on the natural style and unforced structure. I am an enormous fan of that. Being able to do that with ease is something fragile to hold onto. So many people cling to their sonnet forms and their end rhymes like a life saver in the ocean. Giving up those crutches just makes it easier for you to race to ever more amazing destinations with your poetry. Okay, so not writing just to see my own words here, let me return to the poem: I just don't get the throwing of the name into the mouth of the sinful and how this keeps you young. I am trying to understand though. From there though, I love your bell metaphor. I like the frailty but personal and moral/ethical strength as two main axes of this poem. You are frail in shaking as you read, but show the actual strength of your position by the very fact that you truly understand virtue and karma and the doing of good in the world. You are contrite and pious in your praying upon bruised feet. "Self assured children encaged in shadows of gray" is a lovely, lovely line, and completely perfect for the symbolic scenery you are creating here. Can I ask, as another point of my own personal confusion, ARE you gay? -Did you mean to imply that the protagonist character of the poem is gay, or is that the children in the cage who taunt? I am just trying to get it, not really asking personal details about you here...It is an important consideration for understanding where the poem goes from there though. Why does this pain exist within your soul? What lies? Maybe if you want to spruce this poem up at all you could give more tantalizing clues as to what lies you mean...just little snippets -word Polaroids. I think these can be very effective and given the structure of this poem being natural and opened you could maybe slip that in, if you should want to. I love poems like this that are wide opened but as a reviewer it also makes it hard to give pointers because the feeling is so important here that I don't want to encourage anything that would make the natural flow fall apart. The three headed snakes metaphor is fitting because it is more than Janis-like two faced crap...I feel like you are referring to judgmental children so full of their own opinions that they have more than two faces and they have no idea which head is running them at any given time. Great description. Always fight for what you are today! Always. No one can ever be you, like you can, and therefore it is your greatest strength. How it tastes within your mouth! Ah, bringing it back to those first lines!!! I get it and I am impressed, but still a little lost. Did I mention I am a little tired today? I only got three hours of sleep. I was worried that if I didn't get straight to reviewing your work I would forget entirely though, so I wasn't willing to let that happen! I beg your understanding if I am a bit long-winded, but I promise there are some good needle-like points hidden in this haystack of words. The second to last stanza, suddenly rhyming seems a bit unexpected and jarring. Maybe there could be a stanza of partial rhymes leading up to this...The ending on a couplet is terrific though and very Shakespearean. It is, in fact quite nearly iambic pentameter. Bravo!! You say you are only 16?! I am jealous in the extreme. If you are this talented now then I predict by age 30 you will control the known universe.

[Julie Spade]

The first few lines can be extremely confusing evidently because my own teacher stumbled on it for a bit.
" Name from birth tosses to sinful tongues

keeping my heart sinless and young

I pray the olden bell has rung"
means that when I was in elementary, middle school or currently high school I hear my birth name being tossed around which means I am basically being talked about in the negative light. Because I don't attack them verbally it keeps me youth and innocent (having no hate). The bell represents somewhat of a church, a place where you feel peaceful and safe oddly enough I thought English class was my "church" . The protagonist is NOT gay, for this story is about me personally I believe that the kids who made fun of me were angry at the fact that they were gay and took it out on me because I would speak so freely about it, when they couldn't because of peers, beliefs, and etc. I believe that if you can't be upfront about something especially as big as your sexual orientation you are encaged with disappointment and other traumatizing emotions. The pain within my soul or guilt I should say from all the things I would lie about mostly anything! I understand you are a busy man, I don't judge you for that. I am grateful for your criticism and I will edit this piece to make it more profound. I have a goal and that is to touch everyone emotionally and physically, im just not strong enough to do it yet... to speak about my past . I write about superficial things not in depth but I try! Once again, I thank you.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Ah, the old school house bell!! Okay, thank you! I am getting it now. Yes, birth name. Maybe the world "tosses" could be "tossed" instead. Sometimes the tiniest changes can mean a lot for people getting it the first time through. It is always good if there is more to get the second time around, but sadly people may not read it again if they don't get the first part right away. I am always toying by how "commercial" I want my poetry to be that way...Do I care if people get it or not? I do think that making it possible to get it is very important. If a tiny tweak here or there can help, I am willing. It is a personal choice though. Ah, and I can see how the bell can be a church bell too! English class being your church could make a great poem too, with lots of mysterious analogy that you wouldn't announce until the end. That is a great place for a poem to spring out of also! You are full of ideas!! Thanks for correcting me about the orientation of the main character also. I just wanted to get which way to go with that...Since it really changes the interpretation of the poem if you don't get that. I agree that if you can't be opened about yourself with something as pure and simple as your sexuality then it is hard to feel someone is anything but caged in themselves. Unfortunately though, I have never ceased to be amazed by the degree of denial people practice in life. I am opened like you and rarely hold things in. I am shocked how often it puts me at odds with humanity though! Being unaware of self is like a preoccupation for many people in life, and I don't understand it. That is clearly something I think you are analyzing here, and I like that. Only the rare honest people out there who DARE to be themselves, can really discuss themselves freely. I feel such sadness for those who willingly put themselves in a cage! I am trying not to be too busy for this lately though...(to respond to your saying I am a busy man). This is really what I live for lately. Just yesterday was a work day and I work on the railroad, believe it or not, so I get physically drained a lot of times. Today was an off day, so I am much for full of pep!! When you say you have a goal to touch everyone emotionally and PHYSICALLY, I worry people might take that the wrong way!! HA!! But I get what you mean I think. You are strong enough in yourself. The process of poetry is getting all that OUT, and it is not easy to birth a really great big baby poem...With endurance you can do anything though. Keep it up! I don't think this is a superficial thing you are writing about here. However, when you rework this (if you want to) then maybe you will slowly find more and more depth to what you are saying...Like every time you walk over this poem you pack the soul down deeper and then every so often you may even find a sinkhole under your feet. Don't be afraid or try to run at that point; You want to let yourself just sink in because that is what poetry is all about. It is that depth. As the sinkhole spreads all around you, you will feel the weight of that emotion and know the world feels it with you. -Man, I just hope I can practice what I am preaching here. I think I will go and write something!!

[Rasi Rana]

Nothing to review, I mean its already said very well by "Robby Tusitala" but readong the title, a song of Lil Wayne striked into my mind it says "karma is a b***h but you know nothing about her" so in this poem at some point u r also saying that U don't know about other's life. Right?

[Julie Spade]

No, Rasi I am not saying that. This is based on my personal life and the things I have done in the past . I believed that the reason why I was treated was because of karma.

[Rasi Rana]

Hmm ............,

[Saddam]

it is a story telling poem. and i love this story as you express. lovely...

[POETIC SOUL 2013]

i love the poem and although i disagree with The featured review, i found this to be an exceptional piece, if that is you read the entire context of the piece. i loved the ease of flow and the rhythm you chose for this piece. Its a bittersweet reminder that Karma can be a b***h, but at the same time acknowledging ones own faults. I don't believe though that the bullying is a result of your own past mistakes. Maybe its more so that people can just be butt-heads. i believe Karma gets you at the core of the inner psyche and the pain and remorse you feel from your own mistakes is the poison that gives Karma its bite. You need to forgive yourself so that you can learn from the past and move on, so that you don't affect your own quality of life. Love yourself again and assure yourself that in time things will get better. You control your own destiny, not the butts that chose to weigh you down. You are a wonderful writer and i love how you bled something so personal onto your writing, and shared it. Now maybe the true healing in your life can begin. This is a 100% piece in my opinion and definitely one for my Library. Feel free to message me anytime, if you need a friend or a punching bag, and definitely send a Read request. Thank you for sharing.

[The Nude Writer]

You are forgiven! We all make mistakes and become the monster we fear, but we are all washed clean.

This is a fantastic poem! I usually shy away from anything that mentions three headed snakes, but this was quite good :) I can tell you are unloading so much in your writing and I hope it helps :)

[Julie Spade]

Thank You for forgiving me && yes you are right! A lot of memories are being unloaded, praise you for noticing!

[The Nude Writer]

Ive been there :) I get it