Bleak Desire

written for the poetry and lyrical challenge group

You hurt me
I hurt you,
That was something
I had to do

My bleak burning desire
to kill you,
is eventually something I'm
going to succumb to.

You tortured me
you teased me,
you used me
and abused me.

You set me up
to fail this time,
but let me tell you
vengence is mine.

I feel this need
to end your life,
because you almost
ended mine

You ripped out my heart,
stomped on my soul,
"Thing's will get better"!,
were the lies i was told

Low and behold
it got worse,
luckily i wasn't the one
in that hearse.

It was you
i wish you well,
may you burn and rot
in HELL!

YOUR POSSE WILL BE NEXT!

Author's Note

enjoy

Reviews

[St.Jimmy]

the poem is really really outstanding
but I feel that the poem shows more cursing and less the emotions of a heart break
the words like "kill" and curses like" may you burn and rot in hell" makes the poem scary and raging.......... huh?
It's good to curse someone in the poem to a little extent but not to such limits that the terror take over the emotions in the poem
Anyways the poem is really well written.... and pls don't mind the above criticism
thank you
keep writing!
~Aaradhya

[Poetic Beauty]

This is exactly was I was looking for in this weeks title and topic. The emotions is powerful and the flow of this poem is smooth all the way through. Thank you for posting int the group.

[Cassandra N.]

Woah.. That was intense.

Revenge sounds really fun and relieving.

[NightsShade]

I enjoyed this a lot. Nice short stanza's and the flow was very good. Great job. The only problem I had was the fifth stanza. It didn't fit well, probably because it didn't rhyme.

[Raven Radke]

OMGIEZ!! I LOVE IT 100% ALL THE WAY!

[Havatara]

I liked it a lot, but there were some things that I want to point out. In the first and second stanzas the rhymes seemed forced, but I know that sometimes rhymes that SEEM forced actually aren't. And I didn't really like how you rhymed "time" with "mine," but it still worked. Also, in the fifth stanza you didn't rhyme at all. But I loved Loved LOVED the third stanza. Keep up the good work!

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

you have certainly captured this anger,,,,,,you bring it so well in this piece,,,,

[Manda]

wow! i really like this! there were 'minor" grammar issues but the flow was very good. i love the revenge and the anger put into this piece. it makes it all the more joyable. oh how i feel like this at the very moment! sounds fun.

[I Am Svetlana]

Wow...filled with such intense emotion, I have to say! I wish to say these things to a few people at my school...but I just seem to hold the emotion in, but paper could only understand. I really like this! Wonderful job!

[Jack Frost]

good good stuff, loved it ;P