Untitled 2

Untitled 2

A Poem by r

i look in the mirror

and what do i see

i see a depressed face

staring back at me

 

wanting to

cause herself harm

if she did

it would cause great alarm

 

her safety?

she doesnt care

she raises her arm

and everyone at her scars stare

 

does her life have value

that is the question

she needs help

and needs to learn a lesson

 

a depressed life

is one i live

i get little but much to i give

 

© 2008 r


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The flow of this poem needs improved. I think you're letting rhymes too strictly limit your poetry. I also thing some punctuation and capitalization would help - not having these things can work if you're trying to make a statement, but honestly, that statement has already been made. Besides, it helps the flow of the poem a lot.
For the most part, the content of this poem is good, but you rely a lot on cliches. Read over the poem and think of different ways you can express the same ideas and sound a little bit more original.
I think that you should give free form a try, I think you'd be good at it. It has less restraints and you can really just let all of your thoughts fly out.

Posted 14 Years Ago



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Added on September 12, 2008

Author

r
r

PA



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