The emotional rollercoaster of coping with your first heartbreak.
Unexpectedly this unfamiliar stranger, shortly becomes a lover. A love so innocent and pure, mixed amongst raging hormones and forever promises made with one another. Endless hours of driving just to fulfill the sensational craving of affection and lust. Even miles apart, I still marched to the tune of your beautiful breathing heart.
But be warned, no disguise can ever truly cover all your white lies. The malicious and unkind truth will eventually unravel with time. This fairytale of two souls intertwining to love at first sight, is merely a delusion.
When darkness falls, I have no choice but to surrender. The blessing of your presence still haunts my dreams at night. So surreal, once again, I’m wrapped in your blanket of warmth.
Time continues to pass by, but the pain never seems to fade or subside. Each tiny yet significant incident or person may trigger the ever lasting, emotional rollercoaster. A forever mystery of which random street signs, movie references, or emotional lyrics will screech out your name.
In the short time span of 6 months, the girl once treasurable is now replaceable. Hours on end, wondering if you even still think of me, or am I already a distant memory? How can the man who I once called my better half, be so lost in the past?
Hearts never break easily, and take a lifetime to mend. Eventually the bandaid must rip, stripping the security of yet another layer. Exposing my damaged flesh to the raw state of vulnerability. If true love really exists…. wheres my prince charming to save me with a kiss?
.....ok. You have so many juicy lines/ideas throughout this piece - and I mean SOOOOOOO many juicy lines/ideas. The problem is - like in my last comment - musicality. The lines go on for too long that they're a mouthful, and because they're a mouthful, it's hard to digest the beauty of what you're saying. Don't have us bite off more than we can chew; or drain our lungs from a long-winded exhale. Say only what is necessary, and let the words flow from the tongue. If you go too long, line break; if the lines feel choppy, lose a syllable or two. Play with it. But don't lose the essence. For that, dear poet, is divine! Well done!
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
I appreciate your feedback, and agree poetry sounds angelic when the lines roll off the readers tong.. read moreI appreciate your feedback, and agree poetry sounds angelic when the lines roll off the readers tongue in artistic manner. However, this was actually a closure poem to my first love, who broke my heart so dearly. It took me almost 2 years to actually sit down and face the facts the man I once called "my forever and always" is a now a distant memory in the past. I wanted this poem to express my deepest and darkest emotions while illustrating both the pretty and the ugly in one's first heartbreak. Everyone heals differently, but poetry is my outlet to gain closure in situations I have no control over. I hope that helped shed some light on my personal perspective of this piece of writing.
The inspiration is just the template to the piece. You can def let it all out in a purging splurge a.. read moreThe inspiration is just the template to the piece. You can def let it all out in a purging splurge at the start, but if you can't really craft it, you got nothing. You made the choice of sharing this poem with the world, and if you want to bring the readers into the world of the poem - I mean really into the world of the poem - you need the craft. You won't be doing yourself a favour as a poet if you half-a*s great poetry. No bit of brilliance deserves to be half-assed, and you have potential!! Don't waste it because you simply want to purge. Let that help you create the wonder you first sought to create. Again, I say play with it. For you can make this a gem if you really set your heart to it, and the readers would feel the emotions you're conveying all the more.
5 Years Ago
I like that! I use to write poetry all the time, and now I can barely time when inspired to write, o.. read moreI like that! I use to write poetry all the time, and now I can barely time when inspired to write, or put my ideas into the right words. Any suggestions?
5 Years Ago
Don't think, feel. That's my philosophy. Give yourself to the inspiration, which in itself is the sp.. read moreDon't think, feel. That's my philosophy. Give yourself to the inspiration, which in itself is the spirit of the Muse. Let it speak to you. The moment you think - and control the process - you get misgivings and you end up writing subpar work. Let it simply flow through you. It knows what it's doing. All you have to do is listen and feel. It will tell you when a line is iffy or if a word should be changed. Poetry (and writing in general) is very spiritual. It's a collaboration with the divine. And mortals can't wield the divine, and especially have no power over it. Don't think, feel. You'll get the hang of it eventually. And I'll be here if you have any more questions comments or concerns.
I love this text. I love its last line. “If true love really exists...” Not new, but ever good. With still the same answer steadily recurrent: NO! And with the age-old recommendation for every woman: “Seek the warmth within yourself. Not elsewhere”.
.....ok. You have so many juicy lines/ideas throughout this piece - and I mean SOOOOOOO many juicy lines/ideas. The problem is - like in my last comment - musicality. The lines go on for too long that they're a mouthful, and because they're a mouthful, it's hard to digest the beauty of what you're saying. Don't have us bite off more than we can chew; or drain our lungs from a long-winded exhale. Say only what is necessary, and let the words flow from the tongue. If you go too long, line break; if the lines feel choppy, lose a syllable or two. Play with it. But don't lose the essence. For that, dear poet, is divine! Well done!
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
I appreciate your feedback, and agree poetry sounds angelic when the lines roll off the readers tong.. read moreI appreciate your feedback, and agree poetry sounds angelic when the lines roll off the readers tongue in artistic manner. However, this was actually a closure poem to my first love, who broke my heart so dearly. It took me almost 2 years to actually sit down and face the facts the man I once called "my forever and always" is a now a distant memory in the past. I wanted this poem to express my deepest and darkest emotions while illustrating both the pretty and the ugly in one's first heartbreak. Everyone heals differently, but poetry is my outlet to gain closure in situations I have no control over. I hope that helped shed some light on my personal perspective of this piece of writing.
The inspiration is just the template to the piece. You can def let it all out in a purging splurge a.. read moreThe inspiration is just the template to the piece. You can def let it all out in a purging splurge at the start, but if you can't really craft it, you got nothing. You made the choice of sharing this poem with the world, and if you want to bring the readers into the world of the poem - I mean really into the world of the poem - you need the craft. You won't be doing yourself a favour as a poet if you half-a*s great poetry. No bit of brilliance deserves to be half-assed, and you have potential!! Don't waste it because you simply want to purge. Let that help you create the wonder you first sought to create. Again, I say play with it. For you can make this a gem if you really set your heart to it, and the readers would feel the emotions you're conveying all the more.
5 Years Ago
I like that! I use to write poetry all the time, and now I can barely time when inspired to write, o.. read moreI like that! I use to write poetry all the time, and now I can barely time when inspired to write, or put my ideas into the right words. Any suggestions?
5 Years Ago
Don't think, feel. That's my philosophy. Give yourself to the inspiration, which in itself is the sp.. read moreDon't think, feel. That's my philosophy. Give yourself to the inspiration, which in itself is the spirit of the Muse. Let it speak to you. The moment you think - and control the process - you get misgivings and you end up writing subpar work. Let it simply flow through you. It knows what it's doing. All you have to do is listen and feel. It will tell you when a line is iffy or if a word should be changed. Poetry (and writing in general) is very spiritual. It's a collaboration with the divine. And mortals can't wield the divine, and especially have no power over it. Don't think, feel. You'll get the hang of it eventually. And I'll be here if you have any more questions comments or concerns.
It is a sad truth that not all 'first love' lasts forever; you may have to kiss a few toads before you meet you find a handsome prince. Good solid write - emotionally structured and good use of flowing words - nice one ... :-)
Hello!
My name is Rachel, and I am a college student with a love for free style writing. The rawest form of emotion is so beautifully expressed through poetry.
Poetry is my outlet to voice my opin.. more..