Emotionally Unavailable

This was written for a writing workshop in my poetry class. We were instructed to write an apology letter to someone. However, it was suppose to be about a simple event, underlying a deeper meaning.

   Emotionally Unavailable 

I’m sorry for ignoring your text and phone calls. I never answered. I never responded. You always sent all the right things, at all the right times. I was scared, I was vulnerable. I let you think I was uninterested and unavailable…. but I was interested and I was available. The day I met you a spark flew, a rare connection amongst two individuals was made. This excitement overwhelmed my body. My heart didn’t skip a beat upon our meeting, but it began to race. I wanted to reach the finish line, but I became paralyzed of the thought of there being and “us”. I was a prisoner trapped in my own body, seeking for compassion, and companionship. But who could ever love a monster, a criminal like me. You continued to call and text. I never answered. The reason lies beneath the surface, it has a deeper lining. People always come into my life, and then leave. Some leave without reason, some leave me with reasoning to think I am a problem. I didn’t want to let you in the door, because I didn’t want to watch you walk out the door. They say you must learn to love yourself before you can let others love you, but you loved me regardless. You gave me every reason to break down the wall I put up. Yet, I couldn’t find the bulldozer within to execute the plan. You made me feel wanted, and needed. I searched high and low, scanned thousands of faces in hopes to discover one like yours. The man of my dreams, the man I was destined to love. I pushed you away so easily, it hurts me to think about the mistake I have made. We could of been happy, we could have been in love. You could have helped me embark on experiences that now will never exist. You were my soulmate, and I rejected you. I broke your heart into a million pieces. I became the monster, I was scared of meeting. If only I picked up the phone, you could be mine, and not the one who got away.

Author's Note

Any type of feedback would be appreciated! Thank you! :)

Reviews

[Sarra Ben Med]

"I was a prisoner trapped in my own body, seeking for compassion, and companionship." really great one, loved it!

[Rachel]

Thank you Sarra! Really appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it!

[Inject Positivity]

Clappings!! i find all your works very relatable to me... this was something very unique... i have read many writing pieces on this topic but this was like a truly heartfelt work... sometimes life give us these kind situations... the past memories of heartbreak and betrayal makes us 'emotionally unavailable'.... we make concrete walls around our heart so that we don't get broken once more, we tend to stay away from all these things that we once wanted (we still want them but the thought of another heartbreak don't allow us to open our heart anymore)... and as a result when we meet the right one who love us deeply and truly, we fear to give our love in return to them... although we want to love them and want their love but still we don't find the courage and keep our heart safe from love....
This is an excellent piece of writing... there is a raw emotion in it... i loved how you described the whole thing and made it very relatable and catchy to the reader.... full ratings dear frnd....

[Rachel]

Wow! Thank you so much for such positive feedback, it really makes me smile to read something so nice. I am passionate about this piece of mine, since it reflects my deepest insecurities greatly, on the subject of opening up to love. I hope one day I can find the courage within, to open myself to another human, and let them in completely. I understand it takes time to let yourself love someone fully, but patience is a virtue, and can cause agitation along the way. Its defiantly something we need to learn to grow into and find peace with ourselves first, before love can even be put upon us. Thank you again!

[Inject Positivity]

you are absolutely correct... im going through a similar phase of my life so i can understand what your work said here... i completely agree with you, to able to accept someone's love we gotta make ourselves comfortable within ourselves... self love is a key here... thank you so much for such a wonderful insightful work... im very interesting to read more of your woks and thoughts....

[Kaitlynn]

This is beautiful! It's very well written! I love it.

[Rachel]

Thank you! :)

[Joe W]

I loved this poem. I'm certainly feeling that most of my life I was emotionally unavailable and in many ways still am. This helped me in the way that you are able to touch at the base of the issue that most of us feel being "emotionally unavailable." I know this is an odd request but may I please use this title for a Spoken Word of mine? Just seeing the title put an idea into my head for a new spoken Word.

[Rachel]

Of course! I am so happy I have inspired a writing out of you. That warms my heart to hear, and can't wait to read your work of art!

[Samantha]

omgosh hello! my best friend(silverwolf) just showed me a comment that you posted on one of his poems i think it was rough roads, i hope this isn't weird but your comment on his poem really touched my heart! i know what it's like to push away the one you shouldn't because you are scared. I was in that place not to long ago. But I had to look at the bigger picture and realise that it was worth it to jump into the unknown. I have fallen for my best friend (silverwolf) and omgosh I couldn't be happier! He showed me your comment on his poem and my first impression of you was that you are an amazing person! I was like logan omgosh this girl sounds so sweet! your writing piece above really captivated me and I would love to read more!I personally have had writers block for months upon months recently but the idea of love and my best friend by my side really has inspired me! from what i have read you are an amazing writer! keep writing! task some chances that have unknown outcomes! its worth it!

[Rachel]

Wow Samantha, thank you so much! Your words of input have brought m much happiness. I am so glad that you found a lover to open up to. I hope one day I can find a lover, to also be able to call my best friend. Love is a beautiful thing, and we may have to search years and go through tragic events to stumble upon it, but once it becomes apart of our life, we can thank all the rejection prior to. I affirm strongly to the saying "everything happens for a reason" and I hope one day this statement shows me hope and truth. Once again, thank you for your wonderful feedback. It is much appreciated!

[Samantha]

Omgosh im so happy that you are happy!! Your writing is so well and so captivating! what college do you go to? i want to major in English after i graduate.

[Rachel]

I attend PennState! Its a big school, it was my dream school my whole life. I had this vision years before even attending college, of what it should be like. Everything I envisioned is not how my college experience is, and its upsetting. I would defiantly recommend you to chose a school for the right reasons. But I also have learned a lot about my self this year, so once again "everything happens for a reason".

[Samantha]

well i want to be a teacher but i also want to be an author and write stories and experience life for all that it has to offer. I would love to go out of state for college but its expensive sadly. I am gonna try and make it work.

[Rachel]

I think you can do it! Just listen to your heart, and do what makes you happy. Everything else will find its place, and work itself out. The world has a funny way of doing things sometimes, but as long as you are an inspired, young soul, you will continue to do great things in life!

[Samantha]

I appreciate the encouragement! thank you for that!

[Silverwolf]

I loved this so freaking much! It was so powerful and well done it left me breathless, and I can definetly relate!

[Rachel]

Thank you so much for leaving me this comment! You brought a smile to my face. All I want to hear is that my writing can somehow relate to someone else. Maybe it won't save lives, or be the cure to cancer, but knowing it has left a mark on someone else brings happiness to my life. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read, and leave me a comment. It means the world to me!

[Nisreen]

this is so beautiful and honest
and this connection is very real
truly sweet

though you display regret
it still holds this essence of love

[Rachel]

Thank you so much for your feedback! Love is a beautiful thing even when we have to watch the one we loved move on. We learn from the mistakes we make, and hope that they will make us a better person! I appreciate your comment!