Still

I succumb

To the stillness of the night,

The calming breeze,

The city lights

Just outside my window.

 

I lay, frozen-

Lost in thought-

In a rush of emotion.

I look out

And see stars twinkling

In velvet blue.

 

The rails guarding my window pane

Couldn’t keep me

From being one with the wind.

It brushes my face

Like a lover’s hand-

Soft, carefree, and loving.

 

The dim lights communicate with me,

And the stars dance in all their glee,

But ‘tis the stillness that captured me-

The peace,

That soft breeze

Enveloping the sleeping city.

 

And for a while,

Before I went to sleep,

I felt a sense of bliss.

Reviews

[J. Alexis Balaguer]

I personally believe there is magic in the night, and by sleeping we enter another world where fantasy is reality, and bliss is like breathing. You opened your poem with a sense of stillness however, along with the lines, the reader traveled with your poem in search for that one night where dreaming is anything but forbidden.

My favorite lines:
The rails guarding my window pane
Couldn’t keep me
From being one with the wind.

Fly away, I say.
Wonderful write. Maybe she never slept at all, and her dreams and reality became one that night? Just a thought. :)

Keep writing Rach!
Lex :)

[Amy Bumpas]

There is a soft, sensual feel to this. You've captured some
amazing visuals here, and as the reader, swept right along
with you.

[Libby McKeown]

This serene moment in time is perfectly captured and beautifully articulated. I felt very much at peace when I read it. I think the first line, and the idea of having to "succumb" to this serenity is stroke of brilliance. Keep it up!

[AbsentElements]

"I felt a sense of bliss."... I have to say this is the best line of the poem, only because I myself have felt true bliss for only an instant and it was very well described in this poem. Very nice.

[Elissa; the genuine art..]

This is an excellent write!
I really loved the part;
"In a rush of emotion.
I look out
And see stars twinkling
In velvet blue."
So beautiful and serene.
Keep up the great work!

-Elissa :)

[deeps]

This is wonderful a most enjoyable read.

100/100

[JenLyn]

Great write, it does produce a sense of calmness like right before you go to sleep. Kudos, keep it up! 100/100

[Alicante lullaby]

serene,quite and charming.

[James Watts]

I agree. This is a relaxing read and eases the mind a bit. Very nice.

[MissWordSmith]

i absolutely adore the first two stanzas... they had such.. I don't know.. calm in them