Insomnia

Another old poem I found in my 2009 planner.

Lying on your bed,
Thoughts rushing through my head.
Tossing and turning,
Trying to close my eyes,
Trying to sleep-
Anything-
To make me forget that
You're not here by my side.

Maybe dreams would suffice.

Reviews

[Wake Up!]

a little contradictory for one reason, you switch from second person to first person. you want to keep it consistent. oterwise i have no criticism. it was well written. i liked the universal theme of the pain of losing someone. anyone could relate.

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

I can imagine the experience where not even a dream to befriend!

best regards,
vincent

[MusicJunkie66]

I loved it, awesome job =)

[Manda]

awww! this is so relate able . nice job!

[J. Alexis Balaguer]

This poem is very reminiscent of the expression 'in your dreams'. Perhaps you'd like to take a look at my story 'Whit Roses'. It has a similar theme to it.

This is a very moving poem Rach!
Thanks for sharing!
-Lex :)

[AbsentElements]

Very short and to the point, but that point has a lot of meaning. Great write.

[Robert Fachowski]

I like. Short and sweet. Kinda like you are. Haha!

[SK Woodiwiss]

Wonderful. Oh how I hate that we can all relate but we certainly can. The first line is stinging. Not our, not mine but your bed but still alone.
I like the shortness of the work - you did not try to elaborate and that is what makes this poem work.
Keep looking through those old planners and do not throw things away until you have convinced yourself all is recorded, then keep them for another year for a look through. Good job

[An owl on the moon]

I love the frantic feel you create of being alone, missing the one you love... And the last line? Just brilliant!

[JenLyn]

I like the poem but I'm not sure how I feel about the last line "maybe dreams would suffice. Overall it was short and to the point a nice write, keep it up! :)