Mot du Jour

I was expecting the world,

You gave me an empty cloud.

You never fail to bring me down.

I entrusted you my life,

And you left me to die-

Screaming in pain,

In agony-

In disappointment.

Oh, the tears shed

Are like water trickling down the drain-

Such a waste

That can never be brought back again.

Such emotions

Shall never cease;

Preconceived notions

Are a disease-

Making you weak,

Eating you up-

Without a remedy to seek.

Reviews

[J. Alexis Balaguer]

Your descriptions of disappointment here are clearly expressed.
I love the image of tears - like water trickling down the drain--rather clever.

My favorite lines:
I was expecting the world,
You gave me an empty cloud.

I died in the second line.
Good write my friend!

-Lex

[Jai]

This was just great! Just like one of my old friends would say, expectations are the root of all misery, though.

[Manda]

wow! This was awesome! I loved it. I have too have felt this way. And what a horrible feeling it is! Ugh! You expressed this very well! Nice Job!

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

Sad......but we learn from our mistakes don't we?
courage!! Je vous félicite Rachelle!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I love this. I tweaked it a bit. See what you think. If you like my revisions you may keep them, if not, then disregard. Great poem, sad and moody in either case. 100%



"I was expecting the world,

You gave me an empty cloud.

You never fail to bring me down.

I entrusted you with my life,

And you left me to die;

Screaming in pain

In agony

And disappointment.

The tears shed

Are water trickling down the drain

Such a waste

That can never be lost again.




These emotions

Shall never cease;

Preconceived notions

Are a disease;

Making you weak,

Secretly eating away

At your sanity

Without remedy "