Ghosts of the Past

some of their mutual friends
introduced them to each other.
little did they know,
they would end up together.
i guess what people say is true
about how opposites attract;
for in this case they do
so let me take you back-
to how it all began,
what really happened,
as they walked hand in hand
like other couples do.
just like everything else,
not everything was perfect;
there were a few obstacles
they eventually learned to neglect.
he was the silent type,
and she had friends everywhere;
but this difference couldn't stop the hype
that the both of them shared.
they went out for a while
the old fashioned way
until they walked down the aisle
and swore to God they would obey.
they used to be happy
with the future in their hands
but the evil that was money
got everything out of hand
they started to fight
A LOT, i might add-
shouting at each other
til it drove them mad.
soon even talking became
too hard for them to bear;
their life carried on the same,
but the communication just wasn't there.
she still loved him,
but he just didn't care.
she tried talking to him
but he won't even acknowledge she was there..
they continued with their life,
treating each other like ghosts-
ghosts of the past that reminds
them of how it used to be.
how do i know this, you may ask?
well, i'm a witness of their life.
how? you ask again
simply because i am their child.

Reviews

[MissWordSmith]

wow... i have no words to describe this one. it was so well written, and beautifully structured... i loved the line.. so let me take you back... loved listening to the story... loved YOUR interpretation of it.. sometimes when all that children see is an unhealthy relationship, that's all they know. I am so glad that you can detach yourself from that and view the situation as a third person, yes, even if you are their child.
the ending was great, took me by surprise, but great.

[Wake Up!]

the sudden turn of a good relationship. i liked this, it showed a side that you don't typically see.

[AbsentElements]

The ending almost knocks your eyes out of your head.... Just so interesting. It's very interesting the way you brought a story out in a poem structure. The colors and bolds and underlines bring out the important pieces. It's always a sad story when things fall apart, especially when it is a family. Very sorry about how things turned out, but you expressed yourself very well.

[Jasmarine]

This could be a good chain letter...you know the annoying ones you get and people say you have to send it to 100 people otherwise you'll be doomed to an eternal life of solitude? But totally in a different context here.....your style changed, which is good. Should have a bit of variety in your life, otherwise you'll be as boring as crap on a stick. Interesting how it's told like a fairytale, but from the opposing narrative of a child, not someone you'd see in a cartoon sitting on a thrown with a big leather book open in their lap. Good job!

[G. Marie"floating on an..]

this is so typical of many couples after a time being together they seem to take each other for granted the only time they regret is when they break up and then it is too late this is nothing new you write of but well written and poignant. sad but true especially for the children living it good poem

[The Wave]

The very last line held so much power that it made me say WOW.

The format of this is really interesting. I felt the flow of this was choppy. Words forced in some places to simply fit a rhyme scheme. I would have loved if you didn't feel confined to rhyming and if there was concrete imagery .. to vividly explain this rather than just saying it.

Overall, Not bad. I liked the relationship between them to ghosts.
Good job

[SK Woodiwiss]

Well done and something we need to read. Don't stop writing, I know I've said that before - but that is something you need to hear and to read - don't stop writing.
The cadence was good, the build up fantastic and yes possibly the outcome was predictable but that made the poem work - it was kind of like seeing you've hurt yourself and having those few split seconds to register pain is coming - and when it does come - it slmas hard.
Good job.

[Soul Magic✯]

this is a powerful piece... so well written from beginning to end. thanks for sharing this one

[JenLyn]

Powerful! That's all I can say, great write, keep it up! :)

[Libby McKeown]

What a stellar twist! And the color gives this work a nice, edgy tone. It is a bit sing-songy, but it tells a really great story. Excellent job!

[Shelby Baker]

Colorful and loving it.
Perhaps capitalize some of the words but its up to you
nice flow
totally understandable
and loving it.