Done

You know that feeling when everything seems to be falling apart and you feel so helpless and weak? Me too. But this poem is about the moment that you overcome it all.

Please keep your distance from me;

I have to learn how to breathe on my own.

Time pulls in closer to home

With its icy, cold fingers around my throat.

Terrified, losing sight

Of everything I am and I

Feel the pain enter my soul.

It's threatening, taunting me!

"Open up your arms and see!

Remember your frostbitten heart."

But now you're pushing me

Pushing me over the edge.

Falling now, fading out,

Love never lasting,

Walls closing in on me.

But I am done!

I'm hurling myself in the fire,

Quenching my thirst for anger inside.

I have won!

I'm throwing it all far away,

Letting Pride dig its own grave,

Walking away.

Author's Note

Originally a song. I can't hear it in my head without the melody, so I hope you guys can tell me if it sounds alright. :)

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

Sometimes we stick with things or relationships because of our own stubborn pride. It's claustrophobic and cloying. We often have to make a conscious decision to throw off the mantle of oppression and move in another direction. You write of that with a clear path in mind and it works.

[Rachel Anderson]

Thanks so much. I'm glad you think so. :)

[Inda]

I think it sounds great, the end is a bit awkward, but otherwise, its awesome!

[Rachel Anderson]

Is it? The last two stanzas are actually the chorus to the song, so I wasn't sure where I wanted to put it. It sounds better with the piano. Thank you for reading!

[Baby Ricochet]

You gotta pick a key and some chords. Throw in an F on the chorus. I love that chord.

[Rachel Anderson]

I already have the piano part to it. It doesn't have an F chord. That's the wrong key. But it sounds pretty good, if I may say so myself.

[Talal Hussain]

Nice stuff...loved it :-)

[Rachel Anderson]

Thanks!

[NITHIN PURPLE]

ah good

[NITHIN PURPLE]

a good one!!

[Rachel Anderson]

Thank you. :)

[quinfinn]

feeling smothered, this is what i glean from this resonant piece. letting go and giving in to pride, tough nut to crack. what's that old saying, pride goeth before a fall? depends on how far you're willing to fall, i guess. well met and nicely penned...there's a song in there for sure, yep!

[Rachel Anderson]

In this piece, pride doesn't fall. I push it. Lol! Thanks so much!

[quinfinn]

always welcome....