Ghost Girl

A short poem about feeling invisible. Unfortunately, loneliness can have consequences.

She screams aloud and beats the ground,

begging to be seen.

She claws at the black coats that pass her by,

but her fingers are a sinking sheen.

She drops to her knees, and then to her side,

staring, yet seeing nothing.

Tears flow like a sorrowful river,

but she doesn't feel a thing.

She shivers, sighs, and closes her eyes,

as the truth slowly unfurls;

Written "R.I.P.," and "Here She Lies,"

The invisible ghost girl.

Reviews

[Rose Kavanagh]

I can definitely relate to this poem - being relatively quiet and bookish when I was younger made me feel like I didn't exist around the bigger personalities in my classes at school.
You accurately captured the feeling of helplessness that goes along with feeling invisible. Really well written!

[Rachel Anderson]

Thank you! I'm the same way, don't worry. :)

[Basu Gupta]

metaphors stole my senses...
Excellent write..

[Rachel Anderson]

Thank you!

[Basu Gupta]

ur welcum..

[Baby Ricochet]

Wow! Loved it. Great rhyme and flow here. Kind of reminded me of an old song called "She's lost control" by a band called "Joy Division"
Confusion in her eyes that says it all
She's lost control
and she's clinging to the nearest passer by
She's lost control
And she gave away the secrets of her past
And said I've lost control again
And a voice that told her where and when to act
She's lost control again
She's lost control.
Joy Division originated a stark, sinister, piercing sound that was the predecessor to what eventually mutated into Goth. Your poem has a feel to it much like how they sounded. Dark, kind of mean and not screwing around. It really is a flawless piece. Outstanding work.

[Rachel Anderson]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you!

[The 13th Eros]

This was agony for me.. I still have scars from such sorrows.. How I hope that love can rise across the world and wash away all the hurt and pain.. Such a stunning write.

[Rachel Anderson]

Thank you so much. I love to write things that people can relate to.

[hundi]

so many people can relate to feeling invisible , and it definitely can have an effect on someone's life , I like how she claws at the coats that pass her by line , this is a good write,

[Rachel Anderson]

Yay! So glad you liked it. Thanks for the review!

[icelandicblue]

I like this poem ever so much. I will leave you with a poem that I read etched on the gravestone of a girl that I discovered when I was a little girl and it has stayed with me a long time:

Little girl as you pass by
As you are now so once was I
As I am now so you shall be
Prepare for death, come follow me

On an actual gravestone in an old cemetery in a town called Manchester by the sea in Massachusetts. It still gives me goosebumps. What would it be like I wonder?

[Rachel Anderson]

That's so interesting! And to think you saw it as a little girl. That's crazy. I do love it's foreboding sound, tho.

[icelandicblue]

Really, who puts that on a little girl's grave? Creepy. You're ghost isn't creepy she's sad and lost.

[Rachel Anderson]

That's true. Idk who would think of that! Lol, but yes she is.

[Rachel Anderson]

I found out there is another tombstone written similar, but someone wrote underneath it:
"To follow you I will not consent
Until I know which way you went."
I thought you would enjoy that. Haha

[icelandicblue]

That is hilarious! I like that.

[Tunder]

There's a lot of power here, and almost a sense of relief with the sudden realization. But also pity for this character and a deep sense of sadness. Good poem with a great flow. I like the staggered long and short lines, it sounds natural.

[Rachel Anderson]

Thanks so much! Love reading reviews like this, haha.

[Lover Of Words]

I also sometimes feel invisible and you described it well... Nice job

[Rachel Anderson]

Thanks! Everyone feels lonely at one point or another. That's what I was going for!

[Lover Of Words]

You hit it on the nose! Nice job

[Rachel Anderson]

Thanks so much. :D

[Lover Of Words]

My pleasure

[CreativeStroke]

This is a fascinating write Rachel! The flow was spot-on and you told an intricate tale in such a few short lines. Well done my friend. :)

[Rachel Anderson]

Thanks so much! Means a lot.

[CreativeStroke]

You are very welcome :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

A good description piece. I think this one could be viewed as a larger metaphor for life in general; I think we all feel invisible sometimes--a ghost of oursevles.

Suggestions...the repetitive use of the word "she" (especially at the beginning of the lines) can be a little tedious. Also, I think that maybe this might read better as couplets instead of one long piece. Each two lines are essentially a complete thought.

Those are just my thoughts :) I did enjoy it.

[Rachel Anderson]

Thanks for the review, but the repetition was on purpose. I will consider the couplets idea.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I understand the thought, it was just a little distracting, which is why I think that maybe breaking it up might not make it so. Overall, though, I liked it.

[Rachel Anderson]

Thanks for the input. :)