212°

Ecstasy: (n) an emotional or religious frenzy or trance-like state, originally one involving an experience of mystic self-transcendence.

You are my double-aged ecstasy

My illegal good, spent. So long resisted

When one day you will be reading. This

Eyes skimming, gut looping,

Knowing. You would be reading me

And how I cloaked your mind

In twisted, manic, fantasy

At the mere sighting of me

And you had called me an artist

For my honest artistry

But now, every night

You will lie next to her 

In the city of lights

And you will no longer be thinking of her

And you will lie to her. Telling her there was only her

When there was also me

And for forever your forever will be ruined

By the being that is my being

By the mistake of you mistaking me

For the angel that I will never be. Because 

Your business suit suited your figure

And your shirt looked smart -

But smarter off

And do you remember pinning my arms down

On that hotel, double bed?

'Do you mind if I call you love?’ You had said

After you made love to me

After letting things go further

Than demons ever should -

And you had tried not to 

And you had kept trying not to -

But then suddenly

You wanted me, more than your sanity

And so you had pulled yourself on top of me,

And slammed yourself into me

And so suddenly I understood the word ecstasy. Because 

This was goodness too good in a world that excluded me

And you were stretching me

And I was gasping out in pain

As you grasped my hair, and fucked me. And remember 

When you had to pull out, because it felt so good?

‘Too good,’ you had said. And we were left 

Staring at each other

Wondering what we had just done to each other

In our six hour stretch of time

And why had I teased you

And why had you teased me

When you were sweeter than sweetener

An addict that could never resist me?

Finally, you had kissed me on my forehead

And then sat there silently, no longer looking at me

The quiet night, punctured 

With the mistake of saying yes to me

And hotel bars

And hotel rooms

And fantasy found

In the helpless mistake

Of falling into bed with each other

Of falling, hopelessly

Head over heels

For each other

And then, when the end had finished its beginning

I found you in the first letter of my last name

And in the marred wording, of the word now guilty ecstasy

And the silver band swamping your second-end finger

Author's Note

This is me in my nakedness, with no cover-ups, no pretences - just flaws. And I am so, so flawed.

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

Wow, I'm truly taken aback by this one...it's unspeakably powerful, and the imagery is vivid and unforgiving...a sombre journey for sure but one well worth taking for all the poetic intensity you've packed into this piece...'You wanted me, more than your sanity And so you had pulled yourself on top of me, And slammed yourself into me'...I must read more of your work when I get a chance...great piece :)

[Rachel Landes]

Why thank you :) Love and Light and Namaste

[kublakhan27]

Always a pleasure Rachel :)