BackStabber

It sounds better in the silence

Why do we fight

When god is right
And we are both wrong

Shuddering sobs

Choke on my own heart

Hurts like a heart attack

Still - it sounds better 

Than silence

I guess 

My writing will get better 

When I get better

At playing games

But I don't want to play games anymore

All I want is something real

Squeezing rubber band

Strangling inside

Balancing plates
To give you a piece of peace
Of my mind 

Take a splinter

Crushed and bent
Knees sinking 

To the ground

Like sand paper

It makes me stay

With the runaways

Fallen stars

Fallen on the tracks

Author's Note

http://rachellandes.tumblr.com
https://twitter.com/rachellandes811

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

I'm not entirely sure why, but the piece brings to me a vision of someone walking down a lonely set of railroad tracks smoking a cigarette. At some point the person looks up and see's reality around them and mutters, "Ah crap..." Flicks the cherry off the cigarette and gets off the tracks as if they had just realized something momentous... Yet... The poem doesn't take me to that point. It's like a scene that comes to some abrupt mental halt and lets one ponder the rest.

Thanks for sharing!
Wolfwind

[Rachel Landes]

That's beautiful x

[Audie G. Couch]

Wow. Very Intense. In a good way.

[Crowley]

That is a crazy line about writing getting better when one gets better at playing games. I think it may be the opposite, when we are able to shut out the distractions and hear our experiences pumping through our veins. On these sites sometimes it does feel like your playing games until you manage to stop. A really great pace and flow, and a great social comment.

[dw817]

Rachel:

Really quite nice. If you plan to improve your prose, reading, just that. Reading any and all books of interest you can get your hands on will give you a greater education and reputation in the literal literary world than if not.

Also if you plan to rhyme take the time to be sublime. :)

And in this you don't necessarily need to rhyme exact words.

For instance you could rhyme lover with shooter.
Or heaven with graven.

So long as you match a timing style, you'll create for a-while, and cover that writing mile.

Rating: 100/100

[Davidgeo]

meow ? meow. Meow. meow.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

"It makes me stay
With the runaways
Fallen stars
Fallen on the tracks"

Beautiful poem filled with pain, anger, despair. Your plaintive verses so well describe an emotional life and death struggle for relief, love, peace. Great metaphors and melancholy imagery. Excellent write.

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing poetry dear Rachel.
"It makes me stay
With the runaways
Fallen stars
Fallen on the track"
Bukowski said it right. Must suffer to know how to write. The ancient writers believed you must know war, life and love. The bittersweet make the pen bleed to paper. I liked this poem thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote