Lived and Learned

Love, we've looked too hard with innocent intentions gone too far, asked too many questions -For my twin sister.

Curious eyes and subliminal hope

What I saw was what I knew

'twas for you and me both

In our hearts it grew,

Innocent yearning for all the world's flavors,

But the world back then didn't extend past our neighbors

 

Love, we've looked too hard with innocent intentions

gone too far, asked too many questions

And got ourselves lost in their unrelenting answers

The replies that life bled with jaded affection

Leaving us amiss with blessed knowledge like cancer

 

Now where to go?

With my soul so in touch

What I see is what I know

But I know too much.

Reviews

[Trigorin]

An interesting piece, but some of the word choice and sentiments expressed are hopelessly antiquated. I mean, really, ''twas'? It's possibly useful in a period piece but even there there's still a draw to just write in normal language (which I personally don't agree with, but it's a nod to utilitarianism which I can't complain about). Here the use of this horribly old language cheapens the relative value of the piece, which is a shame given how well the rest of it is written. A few notes - line 11, 'like cancer' plainly seems a little weak, you might wish to expand on that thought a little. It's a wonderful metaphor and there's a lot you can do with it, instead of just leaving it hanging and throwing it away as you do. The ending as well is a little lackluster and indecisive. I would have much better liked to have seen something with a little more emotional force behind it instead of flowery language that, when you get right down to it, doesn't really mean much at all. Don't get me wrong, there's a great deal of good work here, there's just a few glaring points detracting from the rest of the work.

[Rachel Faith Darrow]

Thank you! Sorry about the language, that's just my style. I'll learn to work with it as I continue to grow as a writer. It was originally longer but I felt upon review that it didn't contribute to the piece at all, it just made it more cluttered.

[Rachel Faith Darrow]

I also feel that the opened end allows readers to process and relate to it in their own way.