March 2006, Diary 1.

March 2006, aged 11 and 2 months. The original diary entries from my little splat the cat diary recording my thoughts and reactions to my first month in hospital.

Wednesday 1st March:

My letter on schools didn't arrive today, typical. They took the drip off this morning and so far it hasn't gone back up but i still can't go home. It's not fair but then nothing is.

Thursday 2nd March:

Help! This is even worse than the drip! Now they've pushed a tube down my throat and I'm connected to a feed. I got some post today, I got into Dr Challoners! i can't wait to go there in september!

Friday 3rd March:

I'm still connected to the feed. I think the stuff in it is a bit like Horlicks. On second thoughts going to Challoners is actually quite scary, i am looking forward to it though, i can't wait to tell Alice!

Saturday 4th March:

The Doctors keep talking to my Mum and Dad about moving me to Oxford Park Children's Hospital, apparently it's more like a Victorian House and theres another girl about the same age as me.

Sunday 5th March:

We looked round yesterday. I actually think Oxford Park sounds quite cool, its a bit like a brownie camp rather than a hospital and there is another girl who's about 11 but she didn't look too happy…

Monday 6th March:

They keep increasing the Feed! surely this isn't vitally important (not as much as they're making out anyway) it's actually quite painful. We're going to look around The Park again soon and i may get some visitors, soon i hope!

Tuesday 7th March:

I've had a visit from Alice, Gran, Uncle David and Mrs Morris so far. Mrs Morris bought me some 'magic tissues' which she says make tears go away when you cry and make everything better, and a watercolor set and an eeyore toy. My dad bought me a portable DVD player and The Incredibles on DVD so we can watch it together and he also said he might get me an iPod!

Wednesday 8th March: 

I don't know how, but in the space of 30 minutes I've gone from thinking my Mum was staying to being left on my own, my Dad's just left until tomorrow morning. Why? because I'm being moved to Oxford i guess…

Thursday 9th March:

I'm begin left on my own again tonight, I don't know how I'm going to cope because it's hot and i can't sleep. Gran, Lauren and Emma came to see me today. Unfortunately Lauren and Emma are more interested in Gameboys.

Friday 10th March:

Today was NOT good. When i got up my tube had leaked all over my bed and Sue was my main nurse. They had to change the tube swell (ouch!) i decorated some biscuits and saved some of the sweets for my friends and Mum is staying.

Saturday 11th March:

I am being left on my own again. The doctor put way too much cream on my arm after taking two blood tests without any luck so my arm isn't numb at all and Catherine's wailing. At the moment i am sorting stuff for Oxford.

Sunday 12th March:

I can't believe I'm leaving, especially now i feel sick and i've got a tummy upset. I wrote my letter to Beth so hopefully I might get a letter and maybe a visit at the weekend. Now i have to write one to Louisa (if i can find the time!)

Monday 13th March:

I want my mum. I woke up feeling sick with a sore throat and I'm really tired. It's just gone 7.15pm so everyone else is downstairs having Supper. I had to hold my breath to stop myself bursting into tears on the phone. I've got my own room but I'm starting to talk to Holly. 

Tuesday 14th March:

I didn't want to get up today. I sort of knew it was going to be bad and i was right. I had to have another blood test and they put my Feed up from 100ml/15hrs to 75ml/18 and a half hrs! it's not fair, I got so scared i phoned my Mum. At least i can see her tomorrow.

Wednesday 15th March:

I didn't get to sleep until 2am because i felt sick and they woke me up again at 8.30 so I'm really tired. I burst into tears when Mum and Dad came to visit because they seem to expect the impossible. Overall today was NOT a good day.

Thursday 16th March:

Another day when i felt sick, tired and lonely. We had a leaving party for a boy called Tim this evening though, that was good. We did fish racing, pass the parcel, pass the train, pin the tail on the donkey and watched a DVD and i won a fortune fish and some stamps. I also got Olly's beanbag frog which i put in the pocket in the front of my hoodie to be safe.

Friday 17th March:

Yippee!!! I got to leave The Park today! Paloma is the most annoying person in the world. I can't stick her AT ALL. She wouldn't leave me alone this morning. Emma caught a tummy bug so i can't see mum today and… i left my mobile phone at The Park!!!!

Saturday 18th March:

My Mum came into the Hospital to see me today, she arrived just after Jess and Claire left so they didn't get any snacks and they were my only visitors. She picked up the new Argos catalogue for me to look at so i must show it to Dad at some point. I can't sleep, and tomorrow it's going to be just as bad, if not worse…

Sunday 19th March:

Amazing! Today i got visits from Alice, the Slades and Emma Dangerfield from school. Emma is most DEFINITELY better. My Dad says she had some chocolate eggs thismorning and went to a party. The rest of today was THE WORST apart from when Catherine's sister Sarah came to visit her and she played uno, pairs, squares and snap with me.

Monday 20th March:

I had to come back here today. My mum doesn't think i love her and left me crying. I didn't stop til about 1pm but I'm really tired and upset still. I'm fed up. I hate it here and noone seems to care.

Tuesday 21st March:

Paloma made me have a bath and hair-wash so i missed out on breakfast and i managed nearly a whole glass of water at lunch time. The food here looks soooo nice. I can't wait til i can eat it normally- oops, i have to go to bed now!

Wednesday 22nd March:

I had a bath and hair-wash (again) and somehow managed to turn on the shower which was icy cold and got the plaster on my cheek all wet. My mum couldn't make it because of the Music Festival so it was just Dad today. He bought me another puzzle book because i lost the other one and a card and some little pressies. (better not lose the puzzle book this time).

Thursday 23rd March:

I had ANOTHER bath and hair-wash. This time i didn't get my plaster wet but i think i need a new one anyway. I painted a cup and a tile/mat for my mum and finished my card. I also lost that puzzle book again.

Friday 24th March:

Maria came to see me today (the other school teacher). I might be going to school next week. Why? Because they're going to give me my Feed at mealtimes next week! I had a really good lunchtime with Holly and Debbie. I felt sick but at least i can go back to Wycombe today.

Saturday 25th March:

We didn't go shopping today (woah!) because we ran out of time but Louisa came to see me and bought me a gorgeous teddy which she had stuffed and put a little heart inside at the 'Bear Factory'. It's weird- her new school's senior bit is identical to Dr Challoners!

Sunday 26th March (Mothers Day):

It wasn't very nice out today but my Mum gave us a Mother's Day cake to decorate and opened her presents, then we went to the park across the road by the Rye and had a picnic anyway. My Dad's just gone and left me packing. Tonight is going to be bad.

Monday 27th March:

Tonight should be my last night feed. It's SOO hot in my room tonight- OUR room, Holly's moved into my room now because there's a new girl! Something went wrong with my feed last night and i got up really early to pack so I'm tired and i miss my Mum. I feel sick as well and i'm very hot. Holly and i are starting to become friends, i think.

Tuesday 28th March:

Holly had to sleep in the nursery tonight because i disturbed her because my new feeding scheme made me feel so sick. I still can't sleep and its 3am! I have to have this feeding thing again 6 times tomorrow/today? and the next day and the next, I'm not going to survive. I'm crying now. i don't want to die.

Wednesday 29th March:

I seriously considered running away today. I nearly did but i was trying to escape at the same time as one of my new feeds so i had to hide and i was found. i don't know how i managed to survive today and i don't know what to do tomorrow. It really helped me when my mum was here and they did my Feed. I wish she was here.

Thursday 30th March:

This is totally amazing! i have survived another day of this new feeding scheme. I have also managed to get the chance to drink all of my feed instead of just a little tiny bit so I'm starting at breakfast tomorrow. We had Olly and Quin's leaving party but i had to leave half way through to have a Feed. We also painted eggs and had an egg hunt. I burst into tears on the phone again. I can't wait to leave here.

Friday 31st March:

I managed to drink 25ml of my feed at lunch today and Dr Pazz says if i can do that with all my feeds then i can go home for a few hours at the weekends. Which i can't do. I feel really sick and my mum has just left. At least i can see her again in the morning. My Mum and Dad seem to be getting very grim about something to do with me, I'm a bit scared.

Notes:

Oxford Park

Primary nurse: Lucy

Associate nurse: Mike

Keyworker: Debbie

School Trips: Tuesday afternoon and Friday morning

Cooking group: Thursday afternoon

Art Group: Tuesday afternoon

Olly's leaving party - Thursday night, 30th March

Tim's leaving party - Thursday night, 16th March

Isobelle hère mon, tue, thurs and wed morning

School Teachers: Roz and Sue

Phonelines open between 6:00 - 9:00 Mon- Fri

PARK opens 9:30am Monday - Closes 5:00pm Friday.

Author's Note

Entries are currently unedited and in original form (as in, my 11 year old self's phrasing, grammar, etc). Please therefore excuse grammatical errors and lack of detail/explanation at this point in time. Additionally, if you have any suggestions or queries as to what you would like to see further addressed in the edited novel version, please feel free to say so! :)

Reviews

[Chloe_Spence]

I really liked this- it was interesting and it must have taken a lot of bravery to submit something personal like this online.
I really felt connected to you in a way- like I was actually inside your mind.
I liked the way you wrote it, and how none of the entries were too long. :)