vivid blue.

i kiss you; i open my eyes to see if you're kissing me back.

i can't shake this paranoia, this feeling

this voice inside my head telling me to doubt myself

because when i walk into a room i see whose heads look up and whose don't

searching for someone who notices me

i look in the mirror and don't like what i see

vivid blue

i could be beatiful, maybe.

maybe if i yelled more

if i left the shore

but i've seen what it's like to be shot down

discarded, rejected

that can't happen to me; i have this perfected

cause i know that every person is not who they seem

and maybe one day you'll teach me how to scream

about broken hearts and failing and falling

little flaws, the fact that everything's going to be okay someday.

but for now i'll sit here with you, with nothing to say.

i'd rather be silent than the one who embarrasses herself

the girl who triggers rolled eyes

but that's high school, the fear

everyone tastes it here.

the girl who f***s different boys and cries all night when they call her w***e

the girl who smokes weed, because i mean everyone else does

it makes her sick, but she wants more.

that girl changes herself to impress a boy who doesn't even notice her face anyway

i can see myself

but instead i float

unoitced, unseen

vivid blue

holding on to a future i can't quite see

instead of throwing myself into the wind, open to failure

i'm not open; i'm closed and invisible

just tell me one thing: am i missing out?

where are my broken dreams?

because i know every person is not who they seem and

maybe one day they'll teach me how to scream,

about broken hearts failing falling little flaws, the face that everything's going to be okay

someday.

but for now i'll sit here with you

there's nothing to say.